Spouse or Kids? Which comes first?

[Mychildren]

3Boys:

A bit like asking whether food or water is more important. Reading through a different thread, really sent a shudder down my spine. God forbid that I fail so badly in my marriage that we should seek a separation.


DW and I have vowed that no matter how KSParents we be, we will always set aside fixed time for each other every week. Go out for dinner, watch a movie, romance each other and have 'together' time very regularly. In the busyness of work and child-minding, its all too easy to take each other for granted, and then slowly drift apart. If the bond is strong and there is intimacy, many obstacles can be overcome.

My posit is that a strong marriage begets a strong family, and if there were a conflict between spouse-time and kid-time, spouse time usually comes out ahead.

Your thoughts?

Yes, u're right always there are kids fighting for our attention. That's why need to spend some time talking to each other & know what's expected from the other party. Sometimes, DH took leave just to have individual time with me. Communication is the most important part in a relationship.
At the beginning of our marriage life, I always listen to him & follow his idea but feels not happy with some of his choices. But just keep quiet. Later realise, shouldn't be this way.
So after like that for a few years, I became bold enough to tell him how i feel about certain things & what I don't really like. Not opposing him but telling him I would rather choose this than that. So all the way like that we still can voice up our differences with each other, yet can live happily together sharing the tasks of our home.
Communication is very very important in a relationship.

[verykiasumummy]

communication always comes first… and it is a 2-way thingy whether who feels the temptation or gets astray…


i used to share my opinions with my dh to make him understand why and how i do things, eg handling kids… and i must say, if there are any quarrels, most are because of in-laws… much as he can tolerate his ignorant parents, i always keep mum when they ask me for anything… but afterwhich i will tell him all… its better to tell him than to keep to myself, to make him think that i’m ok with everything…

[3Boys]

Ladies,

men don’t want another ‘mummy’ (at least I don’t). That’s why women sometimes scratch their heads and wonder, ‘what on earth are these men thinking when they stray, don’t they know what they are giving up?’

Often, they do know. But men marry for passion. He married you, the wife, because somewhere along the line, you caught his eye and he was ‘hot’ for you.

Those home-wreckers who intend to insert themselves between you and your man know this ALL TOO WELL. They seek to inflame the long lost passions in YOUR man. Many responsible husbands will know how to resist, but there will also be many, particularly if things are not right with their wives, will fall.

So, all the DWs out there, don’t become your hubby’s caregiver…become your hubby’s lover. Keep the spark and passion alive, don’t let housework or kids become an excuse, ever!

[Mychildren]

3Boys:

Ladies,

men don't want another 'mummy' (at least I don't). That's why women sometimes scratch their heads and wonder, 'what on earth are these men thinking when they stray, don't they know what they are giving up?'

Often, they do know. But men marry for passion. He married you, the wife, because somewhere along the line, you caught his eye and he was 'hot' for you.

Those home-wreckers who intend to insert themselves between you and your man know this ALL TOO WELL. They seek to inflame the long lost passions in YOUR man. Many responsible husbands will know how to resist, but there will also be many, particularly if things are not right with their wives, will fall.

So, all the DWs out there, don't become your hubby's caregiver......become your hubby's lover. Keep the spark and passion alive, don't let housework or kids become an excuse, ever!

3Boys,
Thanks you for your warnings. I'll hold my DH tight from today onwards & make sure he only c me. No joke.

[Mychildren]

Just to share, there’s someone I knew named W.


W & her guy knew each other during school days. They applied flat & intend to go through customary marriage. However, just before these, her guy was sent by company for oversea work, stationed there for how long, I forgotten.
W said she missed him & I proposed to her to go & c him or call him everyday. She went for a few trips there. However, when W told her guy that she wanted to stay there together with him. The guy rejected & he kept delaying the custom marriage. Fyi, ROM already.
Later, cannot postphone anymore as they had signed up the wedding dinner some years ago. Invitation cards were printed & most things are ready even the flat was there.
However, just some weeks before the actual day, this guy called to tell the truth, he got someone over there & cannot commit. C how this guy messed up W’s life. Now, she still not married & what age already, hard to find someone who really love u. Guys, u know la, choose what? The younger ones & non that has gone through divorce?
Its a sad story so I always advise people not to drag the pak tou so long, quickly settled down if u have find your Mr & Mrs Right.

[indigoblue]

3Boys:

So, all the DWs out there, don't become your hubby's caregiver......become your hubby's lover. Keep the spark and passion alive, don't let housework or kids become an excuse, ever!

Dear 3boys
...this is easier said thn done.
What if hubby is one who complains when house is messy, when creepy crawlies invade the kitchen at night ,when kids grades slide a little...and yet still expect to be able to come home daily to a perfumed ,purring kitten that clings to him and sayang him? Give me a break!

[sleepy]

Mychildren:

Its a sad story so I always advise people not to drag the pak tou so long, quickly settled down if u have find your Mr & Mrs Right.

6 months to 1.5 years of exclusively dating each other is the best time to get married. When the fire is still burning .. :evil:

[sleepy]

indigoblue:

What if hubby is one who complains when house is messy, when creepy crawlies invade the kitchen at night ,when kids grades slide a little...and yet still expect to be able to come home daily to a perfumed ,purring kitten that clings to him and sayang him? Give me a break!

Ask him to do his share of house chores too.

Then wife would have time to go gym to keep nicely toned and fit for his beneifit & also time to trim eye brow and put whitening face masks regularly

[sleepy]

3Boys:

So, all the DWs out there, don't become your hubby's caregiver......become your hubby's lover. Keep the spark and passion alive, don't let housework or kids become an excuse, ever!

I think having common hobbies or doing activites together will strengthen the bond. Of course this is only possible when kids are slightly older, not when they're toddlers. I think the lowest point in most marriages is when they have infants or preschool kids. I've been through those phrases too, really frustrating to be stuck in that situation but really there isn't much we can do without external help.

Now that our kids are older & more independent, hubby & I can afford the time to go on date night to watch movies and eat supper (gosh, bad for my weight). I've a gym membership while he doesn't. He runs long distance but I can't even manage 200m. So we make it a point to sign up for the same exercising classes to burn fats together on weekends. We're also thinking of signing up for line dancing next year, should be fun

[verykiasumummy]

the world outside is full of temptations, if our men cant endure it, then just be it…


most impt is to find a man that can endure those temptations… if all those flirtatious girls are clinging on him and he allows, this just shows how tempted he is…

i’m a singaporean wife and independent, i will not allow or tolerate that…