In-law problems?
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Pinky Piglet:
move on with life... they will not change for the better, nor ur dh will ignore his own mum forever... just live with it.. most impt is next time dun do the same to ur kids'.How long have u been staying together with your mil?
My mil is a hockchew damn loud and fussy..
When I gave birth to my gal she told me not to let my hubby to change her diaper cos gals are very dirty. I told my hubby she gave birth to ur sister not dirty lar!
And when my gal was small she tends to whine before she dozed off my mil will get frustrated and kept asking me why and how I gave birth to a whiny bb... One day I got pissed off I told her off in front of my sil and bil family says ur son genes and my genes I gave birth to my gal and I carried my gal back to my room..
And when she was hospitalised due to ear infection when she was nine mth old she passed remarks saying who ask her to fall sick blah blah blah... I will not forget what she said to me and my kids -
linggg:
yes totally agree... very well said..From ancient China to modern Singapore, this ILs issue is the same. Every generation has the same issues. It won't die with our generation for sure. Much as I'd like to think I confirm guarantee plus chop won't become a horrid MIL, who is to say what is horrid and what isn't? Maybe what we think is horrid, is normal to them becos of their own upbringing..
Not that I'm siding la..I just think that this cycle never seems to break, throughout recorded human history, ILs relationships are always the most problematic..there should be some serious studies on this. Shed some light on why is it that even when times have changed, even in different cultures, countries, etc., this fundamental human relationship issue has never found a resolution.. It must be something unavoidable then..since we humans are so smart and all that but yet we can't solve this. It must be something we will inevitably face next time too..when we become the ILs. Unless we break ties with our children, let that family unit be on its own.. -
Pinky Piglet:
lets see if her own daughter will take care of her when she's older... stand aside and watch...Hi Janet
My mil will never encourage my kids vice versa she did that to her daughter Chn. Her attitude change 360 degree when she talk
to my sil chn. She tends to use very crude words on my kids which I reall hate! -
Pinky Piglet:
very true... applies to all MILs i must say...Hi
I always like to quote this in hokkien
女儿是自己的，媳妇是別人的
not that DIL like us are mean... who dun want family harmony??
u know alot of 辛酸 behind this statement?? so much sufferings will the dh understand and pity us?? -
Pinky Piglet:
So what I do now its to keep a distance from mil and try not to tell her so much of my personal stuff or work related issue...
sorry hoh, i dun even initiate to talk to my MIL.. if she ask, i will answer short and sweet ans.. like \"yes\", \"got\", \"not too sure\", \"nv heard of\"....
since nv gonna change any better, dun come n waste my time la...
我看得很开。 -
verykiasumummy:
hi, ya we did...but not working lor...sian...duno wat to do...
grandparents are well known for spoiling grandchildren... just tell them in the face that last time when u sick, u also cant eat this n that.. what makes it different from ur kid?SBKS:
mine is not really inlaw problems but parents problems.
i m sure most of us know how our parents will treat their grandkids and give them what they want. like even when slightly sick like coughing and running nose, still give them to eat durian, cold jelly and sweet, burgers, fastfood.
we tried to talk to them and said no but the old folks will just say aiya nevermind one lah...
anyone got solution for these type of problems?
n hoh, many times, i just make the remark and move off with my kid, leaving them to ponder themselves... pls la... they also know its wrong, just tat they think if given in appropriate amounts, nothing will happen... but who knows? last time ppl die of cancer also dunno why but nowadays screen here n there also problem... nothing serious also say got depression whatever... so i always keep their mouths shut by saying diff generation is diff liao...
cos in the end when the kids fall sick, we are the ones suffering and taking care of them not them.
so seeking advice from here....it's just the grandparents....could it be their mindset is not my DS/DH so not my pasar? -
SBKS:
talk to them then.... they actually know but cant help spoiling..
hi, ya we did...but not working lor...sian...duno wat to do...
cos in the end when the kids fall sick, we are the ones suffering and taking care of them not them.
so seeking advice from here....it's just the grandparents....could it be their mindset is not my DS/DH so not my pasar?
must show them some true fire one day to make them understand u r not just nagging but really mean it...
once i threw away a big bag of candies n choc in front of them! i think about 2-3kg... they got from some neighbours leftover from cny!! i was so mad and they dare not talk to me for a week.. -
i came in here looking to su ku then found this thread.
My problem is not so much in law. it's the sisters, especially the eldest one.
My in-laws live with us. The house is under the father and my H's name.
The grandkids come over after preschool/school. The rest of the family comes for dinner, take their kids and then go home. Every weekday.
It all started when the eldest sis, R, put her daughter with stomach flu here in 2008, 2009 (can't remember). I didn't know what stomach flu was. I thought it's just stomachache.
Then my son got it. He was 2, 3yo then. At the doc's, i asked if it was infectious. the doc said yes, quite. So i become very TL already and complain to my H. I said that his sis was very inconsiderate. She jolly well knows it's contagious then she still bring over. But I still didn't say anything to her, only shot poisonous looks at her.
Ok, i'm the kind who needs sleep or I'll be very very short tempered.
As u may know, stomach flu involves fever, vomiting, etc. And if u've cared for small children with these symptoms, u know how it's like. After a few days like that, i blew my top. \"You know why he got the stomach flu?! because your dd got it and then spread to him! u know it's contagious u still bring her here!\" so on so forth.
She became not shuang lor. After shouting a while, she told me to move back to my mum's. I reminded her that she jia chu qu one.
After this, I laid down a lot of rules.
The thing that really irritates me is that she never thot she was in the wrong. She thinks that i'm unreasonable. And the incredible thing is, none of her sisters opened their houses to her when her kids are sick. All put here. She thinks that her leave is very precious. So our leave is not precious. can take leave all time. Mess up my home is ok. Mess up her home not ok :mad:
Another thing that super irritates me (altho not my business) is that her H can sit there read newspaper. His MIL or SIL have to help him bathe his 8 yo. Hey you already 40+, still need them to do this kind of thing for u. whose son is he? u say u are tired, but who is not tired? As long as u become a parent, it's tiring.
Aiyah dunno lah... there are so many things that adds up that I really buay tahan :frustrated:
they think that i led their son/brother astray, that he was such a sweet boy etc. I'm like please lor, look at your own behavior first. -
Hi all
Everytime when my mil want to go for holiday she will always asked my mum to help look after my kids… Everytime she come back with goodies she will know to give some to neighbour , bil , sil but not my mum. It made me pissed it’s not that I greedy over her goodies shouldn’t she show gratitude towards my mum for helping otherwise how can my hubby and I go to work -
Pinky Piglet:
ur mil take for granted...Hi all
Everytime when my mil want to go for holiday she will always asked my mum to help look after my kids... Everytime she come back with goodies she will know to give some to neighbour , bil , sil but not my mum. It made me pissed it's not that I greedy over her goodies shouldn't she show gratitude towards my mum for helping otherwise how can my hubby and I go to work
my suspicion is she deep down either dislike/despise ur side so she dun give a damn to buy goodies for ur mum...
not to add oil to fire ya... just my personal opinion..
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