Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?

[studyhard]

I think cane can be used when there is extreme bad behaviour, like extreme rudeness, stealing, serious lying etc. Of course then again maybe should have started caning before it’s come to that.

[PhoBIA]

janice75:

any parent canes their daughter due to poor academic results?


i have a friend who does that. 1 forceful stroke on the butt for each subject that her daughter failed to get an A.

This is really BAD! I don't agree with this. What we need to teach our children is the effort they put in. Although marks is very important, we should avoid telling our children that. If we overdo it, they may not be able to face the situation if they don't score within their expectation.

[tutormum]

PhoBIA:

janice75:

any parent canes their daughter due to poor academic results?


i have a friend who does that. 1 forceful stroke on the butt for each subject that her daughter failed to get an A.

This is really BAD! I don't agree with this. What we need to teach our children is the effort they put in. Although marks is very important, we should avoid telling our children that. If we overdo it, they may not be able to face the situation if they don't score within their expectation.

NEVER hand out punishment for poor results or performance beyond your expectations. I have a parent who did that. When she told me her intentions to cane her DD1 I explained to her that she was giving her DD the message that she loved her results more than her. Any efforts made before exams should be encouraged while punishment should be meted out for lack of efforts. Fortunately this parent took my advice cos her children were beginning to hate school due to her 'punishment'. Now, she is much relaxed and her DS has been winning medals for Maths, a subject that he feared most.

It's also not fair to expect straight As all the time. How many of us can achieve that ourselves? Their results should be viewed against various lights like the performance of the whole cohort etc. The purpose of exams is to gauge the students' understanding of what is taught. Using her results to find out her understanding and weaknesses in the subject is better than caning.

[Imami]

tutormum:

NEVER hand out punishment for poor results or performance beyond your expectations. I have a parent who did that. When she told me her intentions to cane her DD1 I explained to her that she was giving her DD the message that she loved her results more than her. Any efforts made before exams should be encouraged while punishment should be meted out for lack of efforts. Fortunately this parent took my advice cos her children were beginning to hate school due to her 'punishment'. Now, she is much relaxed and her DS has been winning medals for Maths, a subject that he feared most.


It's also not fair to expect straight As all the time. How many of us can achieve that ourselves? Their results should be viewed against various lights like the performance of the whole cohort etc. The purpose of exams is to gauge the students' understanding of what is taught. Using her results to find out her understanding and weaknesses in the subject is better than caning.

Absolutely, well said tutormum. Sometimes, I wonder if some of us (parents) are expecting too much in the children? In any case, while I do spank my child and feel that an occasional spank does wonder, I do not think caning is effective to drive good results in the long run.

[jesuslovesme]

Hello Autumnbronze, I remember you fondly


Yes the elder boy can be pretty defiant. He is a master negotiator and the teachers at his centre needs to adopt a different approach to get him to perform his tasks (to his wilingness and cooperation).

He is vocal and expressive yet does not wish to share much of what he did in his day. When he did something wrong like hurting his little brother, hurling a toy at him etc, he knows he is at fault and apologise profusely to avoid being caned. Yet there seem to be this "disconnect" between his action and his thought. He knows he cannot hurt but at the instance, cannot control himself or would have forgotten about the golden rules.

He seems so independent when we are out that I worry that one day I would lose him in the crowd. He dashes off and we lose sight of him quickly. With him, I feel like I have to be more a facilitator than a traditional mom. Perhaps it is just me, I am a generation-transition mom, sandwiched between the teaching back in our days and progressing to be fair and open-minded. I am not ready for the kind of independence my son needs and my energy is spent.

In a society like this, it becomes more difficult. Parenting is so tough here =(
I am relieved there is somewhere I can let off some steam… I know in here I am not the only one.

[SBKS]

jesuslovesme:

Hello Autumnbronze, I remember you fondly


Yes the elder boy can be pretty defiant. He is a master negotiator and the teachers at his centre needs to adopt a different approach to get him to perform his tasks (to his wilingness and cooperation).

He is vocal and expressive yet does not wish to share much of what he did in his day. When he did something wrong like hurting his little brother, hurling a toy at him etc, he knows he is at fault and apologise profusely to avoid being caned. Yet there seem to be this \"disconnect\" between his action and his thought. He knows he cannot hurt but at the instance, cannot control himself or would have forgotten about the golden rules.

He seems so independent when we are out that I worry that one day I would lose him in the crowd. He dashes off and we lose sight of him quickly. With him, I feel like I have to be more a facilitator than a traditional mom. Perhaps it is just me, I am a generation-transition mom, sandwiched between the teaching back in our days and progressing to be fair and open-minded. I am not ready for the kind of independence my son needs and my energy is spent.

In a society like this, it becomes more difficult. Parenting is so tough here =(
I am relieved there is somewhere I can let off some steam... I know in here I am not the only one.

well, i believed most of us are like that now.

[SBKS]

tutormum:

PhoBIA:

[quote=\"janice75\"]any parent canes their daughter due to poor academic results?


i have a friend who does that. 1 forceful stroke on the butt for each subject that her daughter failed to get an A.

This is really BAD! I don't agree with this. What we need to teach our children is the effort they put in. Although marks is very important, we should avoid telling our children that. If we overdo it, they may not be able to face the situation if they don't score within their expectation.

NEVER hand out punishment for poor results or performance beyond your expectations. I have a parent who did that. When she told me her intentions to cane her DD1 I explained to her that she was giving her DD the message that she loved her results more than her. Any efforts made before exams should be encouraged while punishment should be meted out for lack of efforts. Fortunately this parent took my advice cos her children were beginning to hate school due to her 'punishment'. Now, she is much relaxed and her DS has been winning medals for Maths, a subject that he feared most.

It's also not fair to expect straight As all the time. How many of us can achieve that ourselves? Their results should be viewed against various lights like the performance of the whole cohort etc. The purpose of exams is to gauge the students' understanding of what is taught. Using her results to find out her understanding and weaknesses in the subject is better than caning.[/quote]well said, punishment must be meted out with the right reason. not when you are moody, angry, upset.

no matter what punishment, cane, slapped, hit, remove priviledges, no rewards, no shopping or whatever, it must be administered with the right reason.

[SBKS]

studyhard:

I think cane can be used when there is extreme bad behaviour, like extreme rudeness, stealing, serious lying etc. Of course then again maybe should have started caning before it's come to that.

am practising that right now. in a very precarious situation. how much is considered too much? everyone is different.

[Tamama]

PhoBIA:

janice75:

any parent canes their daughter due to poor academic results?


i have a friend who does that. 1 forceful stroke on the butt for each subject that her daughter failed to get an A.

This is really BAD! I don't agree with this. What we need to teach our children is the effort they put in. Although marks is very important, we should avoid telling our children that. If we overdo it, they may not be able to face the situation if they don't score within their expectation.

It's really scary to know this! :spank:
Get a B is absolutely great as well! I mean, no matter what grade she gets, caning or other kind of physical punishment should never be used. So terrible parent! I M so sorry for the kid. I hope she still love to study. :stompfeet:

[Lilac66]

janice75:

any parent canes their daughter due to poor academic results?


i have a friend who does that. 1 forceful stroke on the butt for each subject that her daughter failed to get an A.

This is indeed disturbing. I wonder what's running in her DD's mind when she's being beaten for this. The emotional hurt the parent's inflicting on her poor child... :sad:

Caning is not only ineffective here but it may invite retaliation when the child is bigger.Does she think she can just cane her way to good results? This parent should be counselled or I fear there'll be detrimental effects on the child if this is carried on long term. It may totally put her off learning.

I've never caned my DS for results as long as he puts in reasonable effort prior to exams. So when results are announced, he tells me he's not stressed as he knows I'll not overly react if his performance is not up to par. Think I receive an \"A\" in this aspect of parenting.
My heart really goes out to kids who think the way to \"buy\" acceptance and approval from parents are through their grades. Getting unconditional love is their right.