Extra Marital Affair

[mommyNg]

haiz... I think I'm the blur one..... maybe I didn't read all the postings carefully .... I paiseh to ask.... but can someone please enlighten me... how do you *know* if your DH has strayed? :oops:

[kiasimom]

I noticed that when DH has strayed, most of the DW will forgive them. But if it is DW who has strayed, most DH will not forgive their DW.

Why?

[blurqueen]

Gosh :oops: I'm really not so cool type la. haha. I guess everyone has certain strengths that will only appear in times of hardship.


Childhood abuse, molestation, broken family (parents), recurrent miscarriages, career loss, special need kid . . . everything simply adds up and made me stronger each time but sometimes, the hardness shows through. So when my hubby strayed, I was only concerned about the future which I believe can only get better if I tried hard enough.

In my case, I \"confirmed\" my hub strayed despite months of suspicion when I sat and eavesdrop when he called her at 1am. I listened in for 30mins until I got sick and tired of listening to the same thing ... he was asking \"baobei/darling, what rights do I not have to know why you're angry with me?\"

[buds]

blurqueen:

Gosh :oops: I'm really not so cool type la. haha. I guess everyone has certain strengths that will only appear in times of hardship.

I agree. :celebrate:

While some women may become more withdrawn... lose self-esteem &
confidence... cry endlessly going over the whys and the what the's...
women like yourself CAN find the strength in times of adversity.

Cool or not cool dearie..... not everyone can find strength like you did.
Yup, though the history of your childhood to date did help toughen up
your character, it can never be the same as the betrayal of a husband.
Who in the first place like tankee said, promise to love, to treasure and
to cherish..... only in thee end still crush your heart to pieces with his
selfish acts of lust and lies. An aunt once said at her husband's funeral,
\"I've lost so many close ones in my life; from my own parents to relatives
but all that feeling of loss that i had felt then would never be the same
as losing one's husband which i am feeling now...\" Her story though was
of a couple who were very much in love till death separated them recently.
They were married for more than 50 over years with the usual couple
banter and laughter she said..... and it made her marriage all the more
interesting and colourful. The husband departed at age more than 80yrs
old. Why more than? Cos last time old people got their ICs when they
were much much older... some teens some 20+ yrs old... so the +++
are for the unrecorded extra years. :lol:

blurqueen:

Childhood abuse, molestation, broken family (parents), recurrent miscarriages, career loss, special need kid . . . everything simply adds up and made me stronger each time but sometimes, the hardness shows through. So when my hubby strayed, I was only concerned about the future which I believe can only get better if I tried hard enough.

In my case, I \"confirmed\" my hub strayed despite months of suspicion when I sat and eavesdrop when he called her at 1am. I listened in for 30mins until I got sick and tired of listening to the same thing ... he was asking \"baobei/darling, what rights do I not have to know why you're angry with me?\"

I feel sick and have some vomit in throat when reading your last part.
Sorry hor. I wonder how you stomach that, girl... :hugs: I recently read
in a magazine that a DW uncovered 26 videos of her DH and another
girl fit to be his daughter having lustful sex. Her DH used the video
camera that was her present for his birthday. Only the initial videos
were of her little son... the rest were of the shameless pair frolicking
with one another apparently in a hotel room or some sort. And while
she thought it wud be only one or two playbacks of the distasteful
videos, she had to watch a whole 26 episodes of them. I read the
article and cried for her. Her husband gave her some disease which
was thankfully curable. She forgave her husband after a couple of
months moving on with the support of her family and loads of close
friends. That again my fellow mates is yet another person of profound
strength... I pray her life is better now and that she is happy. It is not
easy for her definitely to have her husband tell her straight to her face
that he did not love her when she was preggie with their 2nd child......
I remember she mentioned, \"What do you mean you don't love me...
(crying).... I'm having our baby.....\"

Transgression?

Transgression my foot.
(Some) men and their lame excuses.

[blurqueen]

kiasimom:

I noticed that when DH has strayed, most of the DW will forgive them. But if it is DW who has strayed, most DH will not forgive their DW.

Why?

It's called double standard. :roll:

[kiasimom]

Maybe we, women are more forgiving.

My dad once said, : Women are like cups, can only be stirred with a stirrer, men are like stirrer, can stir many cups!"

When men strayed, they think it is normal and they are charming, if women strayed they call you cheap and easy!! :x

[Andaiz]

Double standards!

[buds]

kiasimom:

Maybe we, women are more forgiving.

Heck we are..
Uhmmm... :idea:
Correction. Some of us women are forgiving.
May not be all. :evil: Cannot blanket sweep all lah haa.. :lol:

kiasimom:

My dad once said, : Women are like cups, can only be stirred with a stirrer, men are like stirrer, can stir many cups!\"

Wah lao weh! :shock: :rotflmao:

kiasimom:

When men strayed, they think it is normal and they are charming, if women strayed they call you cheap and easy!! :x

Uh-huh.. double standards indeed.

Yep. It boosts their ego and their lust.
And ironically some men hafta pay for this ego thing. :roll:
It's like paying somebody to tell them they look handsome..
or that they are good lovers... or that they are quite the catch
and that their wives dunno how to appreciate them..

Ironically too that it is those women who are cheap, easy, sleazy
are the ones they (some men) like to use!

So womenfolk out there, remember to appreciate your ah-lau hor.
Dun give them excuse for those misdemeanours they call transgressions..
or any kind of mid-life-crisis... or the 7-yr itch... or whatever. Compliment
your man physically..... emotionally..... and boost his ego before someone
else does that for you! :lol: Everyone needs assurance once in awhile, and
it is only nice if the compliments are two-ways of course.

Appreciate the man's contributions to the family... For the little help he
gives around the house... For the little things that matter. A happy man
is a faithful man.... i rephrase that..... A happy man should be a faithful
man... hopefully.

My friend's man left her for a foreigner after 20 years of marriage with
only one reason. He said he had NEVER loved her. So, go figure.

[Andaiz]

buds:

My friend's man left her for a foreigner after 20 years of marriage with
only one reason. He said he had NEVER loved her. So, go figure.

so what was it that lasted 20 years then? Lust and good ??? or the fact that he doesn't feel appreciated?

[corneyAmber]

buds:

kiasimom:

My dad once said, : Women are like cups, can only be stirred with a stirrer, men are like stirrer, can stir many cups!\"

Wah lao weh! :shock: :rotflmao:

Hmm...but the key point of a cup is not the stirrer, it can be made of beautiful china and porcelain many will envy, clean and polish and store in the cupboard like a trophy and re-useable. A stirrer? Use and dispose.. Oops! So I would say not all men are like stirrers but it is a cute analogy.