Another failed marriage.

[Kissgurami]

EnL:

Where do i start? What do I have to take into consideration? Will I be denied maintenance given I have significant amount of savings? Thanks in advance.

Like the rest, I would say , talk to your dh and his family. being it young or not or dating for 9 years before getting marry or not, I think it is a rather well known fact that converting will come into the picture. You aren't converted which I can see that they respected your wishes hence there must be areas where you feel threatened that your children will be?

Your dh and his family seem to be paying a price which is rather sad.

To the rational part of answering your question,

Where do you start? Engage a lawyer if you can afford it. Be prepared to pay if you know that there will be fight for custody. My advice, call of the firms to do a consultation first. If you know it will drag, go for Legal Aid but it will take 1 - 1.5 years to sort the paper work.

What do I have to take into consideration? Keep every receipts and every expenditure if you wish to get maintenance for yourself and your kids. The court will have to see proof of expenditure. You don't have to declare your savings. The focus is on your monthly sustainable income.

Next, the grounds for divorce, I dont know... your reason might come across as \"not substantial\" and doesn't fall under any valid reason for divorce.

Bearing in mind we do live in a multi-racial country and dual consent to a marriage from your end.

You can refer to this link : http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3745 for more details

[Mawar]

EnL:

Mawar:

You entered into this inter racial marriage with your eyes open. If you can love and live with DH, who is Muslim and likely brought up as one, you can choose to look at his strengths. .

The saying 'love is blind' is very true, esp when one was young. Yes, he was brought up as one. We dated for 9 years b4 we got married yet we did not (at least I did not) think of children issues. Young and blind

It's ok to be young and blind. See too much also serves no good. Just carpe diem and savour the romance. But we must grow up and evolve. To do that, we should try to let go of old grievances and emotional baggage. Move on. Don't punish others because all will get punished.

Please be happy.

[autumnbronze]

Hi!


Was your DH ok with this perception of yours from the beginning?

Has your DH ever pressured you into converting? What about the kids?

Why did the counsellor say "no hope"? Was there any attempt at a compromise?

I apologize if I sound inquisitive. In actual fact, I am trying to understand your situation. It’s unusual in the sense that there doesn’t seem to be any form of external interference involved to break up your marriage, you knew him for 9 years before tying the knot, and it didn’t look as if you were pressured into converting.

One of the posters is right. It’s not about you and you anymore. A stable and loving family unit is a core in a marriage with kids.

[Mawar]

EnL:

We had consulted a FSC counsellor a few years ago. Her comment after hearing our story was \"No hope\".

Like you said, this was years ago. Talk to someone else.

Better still, make done changes to your own life. Get out, seek employment, take time off ... anything.

[Mawar]

EnL:

When the kids are old enough to choose, I will respect their wishes.

That's wise. As parents we know we don't own our grown up kids. We nurture and release them when time comes.

What about your DH's wishes? The boy you loved for 9 years and the man you married for over a decade?

[EnL]

autumnbronze:

Hi!


Was your DH ok with this perception of yours from the beginning?

Has your DH ever pressured you into converting? What about the kids?

Why did the counsellor say \"no hope\"? Was there any attempt at a compromise?

I apologize if I sound inquisitive. In actual fact, I am trying to understand your situation. It's unusual in the sense that there doesn't seem to be any form of external interference involved to break up your marriage, you knew him for 9 years before tying the knot, and it didn't look as if you were pressured into converting.

One of the posters is right. It's not about you and you anymore. A stable and loving family unit is a core in a marriage with kids.

His family was against the marriage when they knew that I was not going to convert. Hence after the wedding, Dh deemed it better that I did not visit his parents. With the passage of time, his mom would on and off bring up the issue of converting but I never saw the need to go and see them.

[EnL]

Kissgurami:

EnL:

Where do i start? What do I have to take into consideration? Will I be denied maintenance given I have significant amount of savings? Thanks in advance.

Like the rest, I would say , talk to your dh and his family. being it young or not or dating for 9 years before getting marry or not, I think it is a rather well known fact that converting will come into the picture. You aren't converted which I can see that they respected your wishes hence there must be areas where you feel threatened that your children will be?

Your dh and his family seem to be paying a price which is rather sad.

To the rational part of answering your question,

Where do you start? Engage a lawyer if you can afford it. Be prepared to pay if you know that there will be fight for custody. My advice, call of the firms to do a consultation first. If you know it will drag, go for Legal Aid but it will take 1 - 1.5 years to sort the paper work.

What do I have to take into consideration? Keep every receipts and every expenditure if you wish to get maintenance for yourself and your kids. The court will have to see proof of expenditure. You don't have to declare your savings. The focus is on your monthly sustainable income.

Next, the grounds for divorce, I dont know... your reason might come across as \"not substantial\" and doesn't fall under any valid reason for divorce.

Bearing in mind we do live in a multi-racial country and dual consent to a marriage from your end.

You can refer to this link : http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3745 for more details

Thank u for your advice. He wanted a divorce, I am contented to stay status quo.

[EnL]

Mawar:

EnL:

When the kids are old enough to choose, I will respect their wishes.

That's wise. As parents we know we don't own our grown up kids. We nurture and release them when time comes.

What about your DH's wishes? The boy you loved for 9 years and the man you married for over a decade?

He is Muslim by birth so naturally wants the same for the kids.

[Kissgurami]

EnL:

Thank u for your advice. He wanted a divorce, I am contented to stay status quo.

I see, if that is the case, just keep all your receipts and photocopies of his income statement. troublesome but it will help you if you are going for maintenance. Did you contribute for your current flat or your dh paid everything? Under any circumstances, if your parents are there for you,you have a place to go to.

Your DH and yourself will need to go for counselling and so will your 1st kid as he will be 10 years old.

In the end, he wants visit rights which he might get....
His visits will only be revoked if he is abusive, compulsive gambler etc. (just call a divorce firm to confirm) hence it is really quite sorry to see a marriage dissolve because of that...

Take that step get yourself and dh to a counsellor again to talk it out, is divorce really the way out? Compromise and maybe like you mentioned before, they can be muslims when of a certain age to understand? then it would be their choice?

[verykiasumummy]

hi EnL,


i find that ur marriage is not on the rocks yet… there should be other solutions other than to divorce. note that kids are the ones who suffer the most in any separation between parents…

first u need to ask urself, what is the minimum that their side want u to do other than converting? is it just to see kids regularly? is it for u to convert? is it for kids to convert?

next u ask urself, r u able to accept or compromise with the minimum that they want? or to negotiate to an acceptable term between the both of u?

it is not like u no longer love ur dh or he hates u… its more of the things that u do or not do that makes him voice out the divorce…

it is natural that mother in law wants to see their grandchild, though u may hv ur own reasons, i find that forbiting them to meet is not exactly a right thing to do…