Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?
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MeiZi:
Guess it depends on the job they are holding. You know, like sales or management level, etc. which really need to so-called 'network'. I have a friend who swore never to marry guys who does sales as their network circle is pretty complicated and the temptation they are opened to ... blah ... blah ... blah ... In the end, a guy who wants to monkey business, will monkey businessSunflower03:
I don't understand why men have to drink for few nights in a week even till 9pm at coffeeshop. Why can't they stay at home more often and help their wife at home or spend time with kids.
You guys need to destress, how about we as wife, we no need to destress? After work, we have to rush home and have to settle kids, their school works and household chores. Why can't you guys be more initiative and help a bit.
You all want to have family, want to have kids and yet refuse to help. Are we women machine or robots??? We have to deal with so many things.
Sometimes really feel like leave the house and let him settle everything by himself.
Just like a man who does housework, will do it happily ...
Totally agree. If they want to cheat on you, there is no way you can stop it -
I’m a guy … and I think that things mainly boils down to a balance
I would at times take care of my son while my wife goes for her facial, massage, shopping, meeting friends, etc. And I do at times go out at night with friends for supper and drinks. But since most of them also have kids, we would only come out after our kids are put to bed as well.
just my two cents -
If it is not so frequent like once or twice a month, I think it is still quite acceptable. In fact, I think some wives will even welcome that 1 or 2 nights to themselves. But a few times a week is excessive. And we are not talking about coming back at 10 or 11pm but in the wee hours of the morning reeking of smoke and liqour.
It has nothing to do with whether the spouse knows who are the people you are hanging out with either. It is about you not being there with your spouse. It is about you choosing to spend time with your friends rather than your family. It is about you not sparing a thought for your spouse, that you make them worry about your safety. -
Funz:
I totally agree with you.If it is not so frequent like once or twice a month, I think it is still quite acceptable. In fact, I think some wives will even welcome that 1 or 2 nights to themselves. But a few times a week is excessive. And we are not talking about coming back at 10 or 11pm but in the wee hours of the morning reeking of smoke and liqour.
It has nothing to do with whether the spouse knows who are the people you are hanging out with either. It is about you not being there with your spouse. It is about you choosing to spend time with your friends rather than your family. It is about you not sparing a thought for your spouse, that you make them worry about your safety.
I am a father , a husband and a son and I can tell you that a man who does not love or treasure his family is not a real man. If a man really loves his family, he will yearn to spend time with his kids and spouse.
His \"me\" time is of course valid but should not excessive. I agree with you fully that once or twice a month is about right (even once a week is ok if it is not nightlife) although it also depends on the activity as well eg. I spend every Saturday night watching English football in the telly at home after spending the day reading to the kid and swimming in late afternoon.
At the end of the day, the question remains - why would you want to get married ? A man's lifetsyle when he is single (and I have had my fair share of partying when single) cannot and should not be the same after marriage and even more so, after having children.
The sad thing that a lot of men do not realise is that the partying days will end sooner than they think - either through health issues, that kind of lifetyle became meaningless, trouble with clinging mistress/women of dubious character, friends avoiding them when economic crisis hit etc
But only your family is your constant and your home is your sanctuary.
My 2c worth. -
sunlight7
It is good that there are men who think like you do but sadly for the majority of man, …
Just want to say that if the man’s heart is no longer with you, there is nothing you can do to make him come back. Just let go… You will not feel so much pain after.
As for the "woman" who likes to be the additional party, I have this to say, If that man can cheat on his wife to be with you, what makes you think he will be with you? The day when he gives up his wife for you, that then is the day when you know that he really loves you, if he just want you as a "sideline" why should you reduce your dignity to be with him? You loved him you say then are you willing to give up everything and be the "person whom everyone will blame" just to be with him?? If you cannot do so, you are also only "using" him. So both of them "think" they are in a relationship and love one another but in actual fact are "using" one another. Sad and pathetic, don’t you think??
Sorry just some personal thoughts…
Getting a little emo, please forgive me… -
Hi
Been away for past few months going thru many dramatic problems & emotional pains. Thanks all who have shared thoughts & words of encouragement. Sad to hear about so many wives experiencing similar situation & pain.
H left us & "disappeared" for months…after causing deep deep pain to me (H even wanted to strangle me becos of the woman) After long disappearance, H appeared to ‘threaten’ to D. H doesnt care about child & firmly said he does not want this family:(
I’m still facing the trauma (that eventful night) but I know I don’t even have the chance to "indulge" in depression/emotional distress as my child needs me.
As much as I’m reluctant to give up my family (maybe I’m too conservative or stubborn to accept a broken family), I do not have a choice as H left & refuse to return (wanting to b with his Wmn).
H is only concerned about self interest ($) & have no regards for child.
Great to have this forum & all the kind sharing. Sorry to pour here again - negative post -
Fireflyserene :hugs:
I know how you feel
But remember it is his loss, not yours
I know what you mean about giving up on the marriage cos that was what i believed too but now I only focused on my kids. Whether he wants to leave or not, I don't care anymore as I know one day I will leave. It is now my choice and not his.
I still have my share of pain
The other woman was someone I used to care very much for and she has turn into this monster where she says all sorts of nasty things to me like
\"This is all my retribution...\"
\"Stained woman, you have lost your husband love forever...\"
It's ok, I think in retrospect, like what I have read,
At the end of the day, it is only between you and God, it is not between you and any other humans anyway.
Also, somebody said to me, our life on earth is short
Do you want to spend this limited time over the people you love and care about or on monsters who hurt you in every way they can?
It is up to you to choose the way you want to spend your time on,
If those monster wants to continue doing what he/she thinks is \"right\" so be it, who are we to judge? We are all only passing by on this earth.
Even if you believe in religion or not, there will be Someone or Something that will \"return\" whatever you have given or done, it is only a matter of time
Remember be strong!! Jia You!!!! -
Fireflyserene:
Stay positive!Hi
Been away for past few months going thru many dramatic problems & emotional pains. Thanks all who have shared thoughts & words of encouragement. Sad to hear about so many wives experiencing similar situation & pain.
H left us & \"disappeared\" for months....after causing deep deep pain to me (H even wanted to strangle me becos of the woman) After long disappearance, H appeared to 'threaten' to D. H doesnt care about child & firmly said he does not want this family:(
I'm still facing the trauma (that eventful night) but I know I don't even have the chance to \"indulge\" in depression/emotional distress as my child needs me.
As much as I'm reluctant to give up my family (maybe I'm too conservative or stubborn to accept a broken family), I do not have a choice as H left & refuse to return (wanting to b with his Wmn).
H is only concerned about self interest ($) & have no regards for child.
Great to have this forum & all the kind sharing. Sorry to pour here again - negative post
-
My heart is 'bleeding' beyond words. Really appreciate all the kind consolation.
Cfan, thks for sharing. I feel ur pain about the other party's action (mine:( tt wmn even create ultimum for H to 'threaten D' & .... (tears can't help dripping)....even when I try to \"ignore\" what I \"knw about their affair....
Ummm... Pointless to recall those bad memories (I'm too stubborn to hold on marriage vow... Wait & wait.. But now,Does it matter?.. I'm sceptical)
How I wish I cld just \"erase\" all these & \"reborn\".
AdonciaTang, thanks
:lovesite: -
Fireflyserene:
I know how you feel, but time will heal and things will get better. I am sure god has a better plan for you but just need you to go through this rough patch.My heart is 'bleeding' beyond words. Really appreciate all the kind consolation.
Cfan, thks for sharing. I feel ur pain about the other party's action (mine:( tt wmn even create ultimum for H to 'threaten D' & .... (tears can't help dripping)....even when I try to \"ignore\" what I \"knw about their affair....
Ummm... Pointless to recall those bad memories (I'm too stubborn to hold on marriage vow... Wait & wait.. But now,Does it matter?.. I'm sceptical)
How I wish I cld just \"erase\" all these & \"reborn\".
AdonciaTang, thanks
:lovesite:
I was going through this too when I was the daughter and my father betray our family. Mum drinks and smoke suddenly and I was left all alone to take care of my younger brother and mother, this lasted for a year to two and i was only 11, my result plummeted and I am always late for school and handing in of homework. I had to be the one to stay positive instead of my mother.
But I live through it and Now i have a husband who loves me and two sons who are the joy of my life. Sometimes i think back, I hoped that my mother was stronger for me and my bro. and I think its those things that made me stronger and better and who i am today now.
Always stay positive for your daughter, she needs you. Don let her feel emotionally scarred by this incident, which happened to me and it took my husband quite a great deal to get me out of it(I didn't even know i was emotionally scarred, and hubby is psychiatrist, thats why).
Anyway, sorry if my story bores you but its just my experience.
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