In-law problems?

[buds]

foreverj:

huh, got use meh? scuddy they say why not bud's dh buy a bigger house so all can move over? dun mean to say but sometimes once the in-laws feel they've got u under their little finger, there's no running away... i feel buds very nice, for the sake of family harmony,can \"suck it up\".


i tell my dh, i m an educated woman, not like my mum. so no reason for me to \"ren3 qi4 tun1 sheng1\". :x of course i dun flare up for the slightest bit of thing. i \"show face colour\" only for broader issues like not respecting my position as the \"lady of the household\".

I find that we're already in a big house. Big enough for all of us to live
reasonably and happily. But with all the years of unhappiness it has
made me feel even stronger about having OUR own place for once.
Live our lives our way and not at the scrutiny or impose-ment of others.
She has every little bit to say when it comes to my girls and how we
handle them. Hubs himself had been frustrated over such intrusions
to disciplinary issues and other petty child raising stuff. But he will
forget about it soon after. Blood is thicker than water. That is highly
understandable and i cannot fault him for it.

I love my family and i don't want to give hubs a hard time. His work is
also stressful enough without having me and my petty problems to add
on to it. Lady of house is a position but not necessarily one position that
deems respect from all dowagers. It's still subjective.

[buds]

mummy of 2:

I try to remind myself how nice she is in other aspects, and to let the past rest. I can forgive, but I doubt I can ever forget.

It's nice to have some good stuff to reflect on.
Helps the forgiving part.

Forget? Can... When we're senile lor. Ah-choy!

[Eagle-Ladybird]

Moving out does not necessarily has to be "buying a place".


Renting is equally effective - in fact gives you a short term taste of the independent lifestyle, for your family to decide if this is what your all want.

[mummy of 2]

Senile. :!: that will be many years away :xedfingers:

[foreverj]

dear dear buds, u r truly a very dutiful wife, mother and DIL! i pray your dh knows wat a wonderful wife he’s had the fortune of finding! i hope someday your inlaws and dh realise there’s really no reason for u to have suffered and put up with all these, other than from the pure goodness of your heart.


reading wat u’ve gone thru, i feel u’ve put the rest of us DILs to shame with your magnanimity. its good to have frens u can confide in n thankfully u have a happy personality generally. just remember God wil not put u thru something beyond what u can bear. stay strong, my dear…

[buds]

Eagle-Ladybird:

Moving out does not necessarily has to be \"buying a place\".


Renting is equally effective - in fact gives you a short term taste of the independent lifestyle, for your family to decide if this is what your all want.

Tried going there. I mean thought
about it. Not very cost effective...
The extras can provide more food,
more stuff for the kiddies and more
holidays or short trips that we all
forward to. To de-stress.

At least i know i need it. Ahakz!

Hubs provides the neccesities and
pays all the bills. So i pity him. And
he insists he likes me to stay home
while he can afford it. A case of nice
home cooked food i guess.. and a
case of not waiting for the wifey to
come home.... (late) .... all the time. :siam:

Then later kena kwa-kwa-jiao again
from the dowager. Not directly of cos. :roll:

[buds]

mummy of 2:

Senile. :!: that will be many years away :xedfingers:

Hahaa! :lol:

Yeah boy..

[buds]

foreverj:

dear dear buds, u r truly a very dutiful wife, mother and DIL! i pray your dh knows wat a wonderful wife he's had the fortune of finding! i hope someday your inlaws and dh realise there's really no reason for u to have suffered and put up with all these, other than from the pure goodness of your heart.

I am not perfect. I may have incurred her wrath unknowingly. I also have
given black face and all that pattern. I am but only human with natural
emotions and it does escape at times. Less over the years. And i think
i don't have to stoop to her level to be respected. I still respect her as
hubs mom nonetheless. We must always show respect to elders. My
parents always advised me never to go against my ILs. It's not right.
Two wrongs don't make a right. They just said be patient... and gimme
loads of support. They oso never give face when they come over for
festive occasions whatsoever. Just act normal.. that there is nothing
on with me and everything is cordial, that everyone is cool. :hugs:

foreverj:

reading wat u've gone thru, i feel u've put the rest of us DILs to shame with your magnanimity. its good to have frens u can confide in n thankfully u have a happy personality generally. just remember God wil not put u thru something beyond what u can bear. stay strong, my dear..

I have shared only like 2 or 3% only. Frankly.. hubs doesn't like me coming
here. He says i'm forever with the ILs thingy and :roll: his eyes. But it's
just that i am really sometimes emotionally overwhelmed. I don't go out
much to hang out with friends.. not that i don't have off days to chill.. i do.
I don't talk over the phone like some women i know.. and i don't really see
much of my folks. I guess, i just need a good vent and rant. Hubs doesn't
justify that to coming here and rant ALL the time. Like i can mebbe just
rant once and move on perhaps...? I can't lah. Just need to let go some
times. Just like farting.. then after awhile ok liao. :lol: Then, when it comes
again, just let it go again... like that lah. Think ok anot har? I quite scared
now. :scared: :siam:

Last time most of my bosses always blatantly tell me since i can handle
stress better i can deal with a bit more work, it's justified and should be
no problem wat. Mebbe in this case the guy up there thinks i can handle
more stress so gimme more challenges? Not that i don't learn anything
from this tests... but ya know... like... the question does linger sometimes..
like... ermm... hmmm... :idea:... when do i get to graduate? :lol:

[rocklee]

Hi Buds


I feel for you. I hope you can be strong. So far I am blessed as I do not encounter this problem since my in-laws do not stay with me.

However, I can understand how you feel because I have one living example and that is my mother. From the day I was born, I stayed with my paternal grandmother till the day she passed on. I used to lived with my uncles and aunties in the kampong until we were forced to shift to the HDB. All my uncles refused to live with my grandma even though they were very rich and drove big cars. My dad was the poorest of all yet the most filial. When my grandma stayed with us, she would quarrel with mum almost everyday over petty things. My grandma was a widow and was known to be a very tough and fierce woman in the whole neighbourhood. I had no idea why she disliked my mum so much as my mum was very gentle, hardworking and submissive. I guessed it was because my mum gave birth to all girls, no son. Very often, she would hurl vulgar words at my mum, screamed at her, slammed the door etc. Whenever this happened, my mum would quickly pull us aside and we would hide in the bedroom until she stopped. I still remember vividly that grandma would kicked the door very hard and that really scared us. Each time, my mum would try to put on a brave front but she couldn’t control her tears. I would say I picked up a lot of vulgar words from grandma and I would used them whenever I fought with my siblings. This kind of life went on for many years until the day my grandma fell sick. Despite all the ill-treatment that my mum had, she continued to take good care of grandma. She would bathe her, feed her and accompanied her for check ups. Eventually, my grandma realised who treated her the best and before she passed on she gave my mum her most precious jewellery whereas all her other daughter-in-laws got nothing.

For all the hardships that my mum had endured, she is now blessed with not only filial daughters but also filial son-in-laws and many grand children. We have all learnt a lot from her especially her selflessness and forgiveness.

I hope someday your MIL will come to her senses . For all that you are going thru now, I believe someday you will be blessed just like my mom.

Take care and be strong.

[carin004]

hi all,


trying to seek solace here after I had a few major fight with MIL this month… Realized that I am not alone…

Stayed with PIL after married. MIL even offered to take care of my DD. Fortunate right? Ya right… everynight she will sleep at 8pm… that means I don’t get to see my DD if I come back late. Everytime will get DH to knock on her door to ask for my DD. When she hand DD to me… she will turn her face away… like I am a monster? Thinking to spend more time with DD, we decided to let DD sleep with us, and bring DD to MIL in the morning. After a few days, she scolded me 坏女人 right into my face… confronted her as why she scolded as 坏女人and she don’t even come out from her room to tell me why… in the end, i grab my DD and went to stay with my mother.

Soon we sold off the flat and get a new one on our own with FIL. MIL chose to rent room outside. Gradually this situation improved our relationship. Suddenly, early last year she moved back to stay with us as she could not find another room to rent. ( for the few years she stayed outside, she moved almost every six to eight months as she always have conflcts with the landlords). Although I am unwilling, I cannot say No. All of us thought that she had changed after staying outside for so long. We are wrong.

After a few months staying with us, she started to pick on me like last time. She will accused of things I did not do or say. Even when I worked late for consecutive few days, and did not see her… she will still have things to accuse me. Everyday, she will bang her door whenever she sees me around the house. She will throw away my things when she don’t like it. I had endured all her nonsenses. DH knows what his mother is like. So he knows what I am enduring. The only thing I am hoping is for her to move out … so bad hor?