Club SAHM
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Desserts:
Totally agree. I am also another bao gah Liao mother but is a happy one. Jiayou everyone, FTWM, WAHM & SAHM! :rahrah:Yes, fresco, so true, we have to learn to give and take.
Sahm chew, me too, got no help. Also got to bao ga Liao from teaching to cooking, marketing , etc. So, will sometimes ask the husband to give me some time off, to relax.
Think we Sahm, really need time to chill out, for me, I take it as a time to reflect on myself, ESP when I had a crazy week, or shouting at the kids too much. I also don't have a big heart to stay with my in laws long term, cause I ll end up having to serve them. Hahaha.
When mil came to stay over for 2 days sometimes, she practically treated herself as queen, and I had to serve her all 3 meals, she didn't lift a finger to help, not even minor things like folding the clothes or clear up after meals. I even treated her to pedi and mani and foot reflex. Knowing she has no dds, i try my best to fill in as one. Hb also saw that his mother is calculative and petty and hard to please.
Ya, janet, the education system is getting so much more stressful, after last year s psle saga, I m still drained now, no energy to help my p5 and 1.
But we must take care of ourselves well, my female lecturer alw told us, we have to look good to feel good. Hehe.
Have a great week ahead, all blessed mamas. -
Even though I work around 12 hours daily and still have to supervise kids after work, I still think that it is easier than being a working mother than a SAHM. I experienced how tough it is being a SAHM when I took time off from work to look after kids due to a family situation then. I do not trust my kids with the maid alone.
There is a common misconception that it is "shiok" when "no need to work". But people do not understand how tough managing a household and bringing up the kids can be. It is frustrating guiding the child through the homework (more stressful trying to figure out which part of the work the child does not understand than to work) and the absence of intellectual companionship can be lonely (thankfully there is KSP website nowadays).
Personally, I think the contributions and sacrifices of SAHMs have been very under-rated and not fully recognised or appreciated. -
I am not an SAHM obviously, but please allow me to share my perspective on this.
Being self-sacrificial helps no one in the long run, absolutely no one.
SAHM gets jaded and resentful, nags, hubby gets irritated, takes wife for granted, ungrateful kids take all the pampering as an expectation, romance goes out the window.
It’s a vicious cycle with a predictable end-point.
You may or may not end up in disaster, but you have put yourself at risk for it.
And the problem is, THERE IS NO NEED TO!
Your kids don’t need to be waited on 24/7. A little messiness in their lives won’t kill them. They don’t need the perfect lunch box, they can always do with less enrichment classes, they don’t have to be ferried everywhere.
You, the centre of the household, the SAHM, you need time to recharge and get OUT of the rut and routine.
You owe it to YOURSELF, and you owe it to your FAMILY to do so! There are very few superwomen out there, you shouldn’t try to be one, you DON"T NEED to be one!
My DW and I made it very clear to each other when we had kids, that we would NOT place our kids AHEAD of our relationship. Of course, we are sensible about it, when it’s exam season, we don’t run off on a romantic getaway, if our kids are ill, we will cancel dinner to be with them. But in the day to day, it’s us time, and then it’s kids time.
And I believe in doing so, we keep our relationship strong, and that in my view, is the MOST important thing to the kids, more than the laundry, more than the dishes, more than the schoolwork.
So quit the heroism and self-sacrifice and perceived external expectations and treat yourself as you should. A happy mum begets a happy dad begets a happy family. Dishes be damned… -
3Boys:
:goodpost:I am not an SAHM obviously, but please allow me to share my perspective on this.
Being self-sacrificial helps no one in the long run, absolutely no one.
SAHM gets jaded and resentful, nags, hubby gets irritated, takes wife for granted, ungrateful kids take all the pampering as an expectation, romance goes out the window.
It's a vicious cycle with a predictable end-point.
You may or may not end up in disaster, but you have put yourself at risk for it.
And the problem is, THERE IS NO NEED TO!
Your kids don't need to be waited on 24/7. A little messiness in their lives won't kill them. They don't need the perfect lunch box, they can always do with less enrichment classes, they don't have to be ferried everywhere.
You, the centre of the household, the SAHM, you need time to recharge and get OUT of the rut and routine.
You owe it to YOURSELF, and you owe it to your FAMILY to do so! There are very few superwomen out there, you shouldn't try to be one, you DON\"T NEED to be one!
My DW and I made it very clear to each other when we had kids, that we would NOT place our kids AHEAD of our relationship. Of course, we are sensible about it, when it's exam season, we don't run off on a romantic getaway, if our kids are ill, we will cancel dinner to be with them. But in the day to day, it's us time, and then it's kids time.
And I believe in doing so, we keep our relationship strong, and that in my view, is the MOST important thing to the kids, more than the laundry, more than the dishes, more than the schoolwork.
So quit the heroism and self-sacrifice and perceived external expectations and treat yourself as you should. A happy mum begets a happy dad begets a happy family. Dishes be damned....
I need to learn how to let go.... -
Me too another do-everything SAHM without help. But I guess I sit on the other spectrum - underachieving. I acknowledged long ago that I’m not the domestic kind of person and hence too ready to forgive myself even if house not perfectly clean.
I do cleaning chores once a week. No need to clean everyday la. Where got so much energy?
Laundry is my most often task though, at least need to run 4 to 5 load each week. Other than that, sometimes I cook sometimes I don’t. Tired then declare off day.
My most tiring task is actually sending/fetching kids to/fro school/tuition/music. This is rigid, cannot suka suka declare off even when I’m tired.
I don’t actively coach my kids in school work. They auto-pilot la. If stuck, they would ask me one or two questions but not very often. So I usually read manga in my room & surf kiasuparents while they’re doing their homework in their room.
Yesterday my mum called around 10am. dd1 answered the call. My mum’s standard first question if I didn’t answer the phone personally is '妈眯在睡觉？" Aiyo even my own mum had the impression I’m ‘eng eng’ . I’m rather offended le, told my kids I’m not that ‘eng’ hor, just that I tried to multi-task & do everything at once so that I can start to idle earlier. And I do wake up very early on most days although I don’t set alarm -
Coolkidsrock2:
I agree. I also find that it is tougher to be a SAHM than a FTWM. As a FTWM there's more \"me\" time. Lunch hour is mine to do as I like as a FTWM, but as a SAHM lunch is with kids or a quick bite.Even though I work around 12 hours daily and still have to supervise kids after work, I still think that it is easier than being a working mother than a SAHM. I experienced how tough it is being a SAHM when I took time off from work to look after kids due to a family situation then. I do not trust my kids with the maid alone.
There is a common misconception that it is \"shiok\" when \"no need to work\". But people do not understand how tough managing a household and bringing up the kids can be. It is frustrating guiding the child through the homework (more stressful trying to figure out which part of the work the child does not understand than to work) and the absence of intellectual companionship can be lonely (thankfully there is KSP website nowadays).
Personally, I think the contributions and sacrifices of SAHMs have been very under-rated and not fully recognised or appreciated.
It's a 24 / 7 job with no pay and high opportunity cost. But I do it cos I put my kids first, before anything / anyone else. I don't view as a sacrifice and I don't expect rewards / recognition, except perhaps more appreciation from DH. My relationship with my children is very close and I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. -
The other day I was feeling blue…so grumbled to mum about the lack of life/depressing being stuck at home.
During our time, education standard weren’t this high…so mum didnt have to worry much…as long as every year get promoted and then go to express stream in sec. Now, we parents have to be involved and as such lives are revolved around kids.
Vacuum 2x a week. Iron 2x a week. Cook lunch 6x a week…simple one.
When kids return, have lunch together, rest and coach them in homework followed by revision…daughter will try to auto-pilot unless she needs help. This is the rigid part. Weekends, they have tuition and then have to see that complete tuition homework.
If my mum says I am free, I will be mad bcos I am not. -
sleepy:
My most tiring task is to coach my 3 kids... Spend at least 4-5 hrs each day with 3 boys, and have to do housework, cooking fetching, sending. Fetching and sendin took up almost 3 hrs daily as I do not drive, and I have to go to the school to fetch them. Thinking of putting them on sch bus, but that is additional cost of us, with only hb working. At the end of the day, I only left my free time after they went to bed, and like checking emails or Internet while they are doing the work.Me too another do-everything SAHM without help. But I guess I sit on the other spectrum - underachieving. I acknowledged long ago that I'm not the domestic kind of person and hence too ready to forgive myself even if house not perfectly clean.
I do cleaning chores once a week. No need to clean everyday la. Where got so much energy?
Laundry is my most often task though, at least need to run 4 to 5 load each week. Other than that, sometimes I cook sometimes I don't. Tired then declare off day.
My most tiring task is actually sending/fetching kids to/fro school/tuition/music. This is rigid, cannot suka suka declare off even when I'm tired.
I don't actively coach my kids in school work. They auto-pilot la. If stuck, they would ask me one or two questions but not very often. So I usually read manga in my room & surf kiasuparents while they're doing their homework in their room.
Yesterday my mum called around 10am. dd1 answered the call. My mum's standard first question if I didn't answer the phone personally is '妈眯在睡觉？\" Aiyo even my own mum had the impression I'm 'eng eng' . I'm rather offended le, told my kids I'm not that 'eng' hor, just that I tried to multi-task & do everything at once so that I can start to idle earlier. And I do wake up very early on most days although I don't set alarm -
vinegar:
The ages of the kids play a big part too. If all the kids are in upper pri / sec, I believe we will have more breather and 'me' time. But if the kids are smaller, which require more attention from us, and require us to fetch them and send them, we will have less time for ourselves.
One frd of mine told me that she has 3kids,can manage to do this or that...Ermm...lazy to explain,different ppl,different children,different std of living.Then she started to say her frd also very fussy,also can manage.:.
My eldest is in p4 now, so he is more or less on auto pilot mode. But I still have to fetch him as he is not taking school bus, and no direct bus from our bus stop. Now, I am just waiting for my youngest to be in p1, so at least, I will have the whole morning to do housework as well as my 'me' time.
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Different ages, different expectations, different priorities. Time is money too. If just one kid, schoolbus is worth it. My kids have no tuition, though by others’ standard, they probably should. By removing all these, life is less hectic and everyone is more well rested. I do clean and cook a lot, but I think the fact that I am not tied to a third party’s schedule or expectations, everything feels more manageable. I can watch documentary on the Internet while I scrub the toilet or listen to an audiobook or watch a romance movie while ironing. After that I shower (to mtvs on bathroom counter), get pretty (can pick up fahion ideas from mtvs) and pick my younger son from kindy. We have lunch together, and I either take him out to scooter, or play a board game together before my elder one returns.
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