桃花谈
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insider:
Since these guys are not young, how do you know that they are not married men? Match making your girlfriends will involve a certain amount of risks. Your girlfriends might blame you if these guys end up with hidden agenda. Better to be safe than sorry. Not easy for middle aged women to let go of failed relationships. You are a smart woman with a happy marriage, try not to keep in touch with that over friendly man.limlim:
Per title mah.....
no answer to my question..... :sad:
ok lah ok lah limlim. Stop hopping around 'gloomily' and i will take this small pocket of time to share something light (so as to 'justify' the thread title? heeheehee...).
Any person of sexual attraction that appears outside one's marriage = 烂桃花.
He still appears to be 'very keen' despite knowing that I am married.
He is a few years younger than me and has been smsing me like almost every weekend to go out (in groups).
Just like he is a 烂桃花 to me, actually I am also such to him coz if I am someone who is flirtatious, then may end up like Gay or one of those recently 'famous' ones with a broken family.
He is an experienced businessman and I do expect some sort of 'maturity' in him and let's see whether I can 'straighten' something with him discreetly this weekend to remain as an acquaintance or a simple friend.
If by this weekend either of my friends cannot find any possible chemistry with the man whom I 'spotted', then I will stop meeting him again. (his friend looks 'brighter' than him in terms of 慧根).
Actually all these men make me wonder about the danger of 烂桃花 which are quite aplenty outside if one is not careful enough and the danger of a spouse mis-picking up one if he / she is in a bad mood and from there, to start a probable tragedy... -
Hi Insider Da Jie,
My relationship with my mother was similar to your niece with your sister. The difference was that I was timid and faced my mum with fear then.
I am conscious about the fact that i am behaving like my mum having short temper, shouting and screaming when things do not go smoothly as i want. I know this is NOT right as I have been hurt before and i do NOT want my children to be fearful of me. I restrain myself with all my might when things do not go smoothly. And when I did restrained, I feel extremely frustrated inside like why I can’t even be angry when things make me angry.
It is like there is this loud, big, ugly, strong monster inside me, desire to jump out at each slightest opportunity. I do not want it to come out and suppress it. Suppressing it is very hard and frustrating for me. I need a lot of mental strength to do it.
After reading this para about the vicious cycle, I have scary vibes over me, as I was the One who disrupt the positive Qi in the house.
{It is important for a house to be filled with as many positive points as possible and a person to be surrounded by as many positive points as possible. Therefore, it’s crucial for parents to try to control their temper as much as possible and to avoid nagging, scolding, quarreling, etc at home (concept of 家和万事兴、家衰口不停）. All these breed negative points within a home and with more and more negative points, even good stars that are supposed to be shining bright will be dimmed by all the negativities in the house = most if not all at home suffer from moodiness, low spirit, etc, and thereby breeding more negative points – vicious cycle.}
I do want good stars to shine brightly for my dh, ds and dd. Since 8 feb, I have been suppressing the monster inside me. I will look away when I saw things that will invite the monster out. I will take a breath and adjust the vol. of my voice when I need to repeat my instructions again.
My hb was a little uncomfortable he say why dun I just spit what I want to say and not hold it inside. I think he saw the part that it was really difficult for me, made him feel uncomfortable. I ask for some time, it will be alright soon.
Ds used to cry his way thru when I coach him in his studies which frustrated me very much. These few weeks, I have been adjusting my expectations on him and this week, he is pretty much on auto mode, whining was less than usual and wanting to do more even when I told him to go and rest. He is more vocal, speaking up for himself. He wanted me to check one of the problem sum if he had done correctly. It was a difficult one and i frowned my brows, he saw my expression and say,"Tell me what went wrong, dun scold me hor!" in a light hearted way. Omg, I realized I must be doing that all the while and he was hurt, didnt know how to react but with tears. I smiled and acknowledged his words. And guess what, he got that tricky problem sum correct.
From time to time, the monster do sneak out but it is getting weaker. I need to build my positive stars to shine brightly to clear up my 无明 that have been around for years.
谢谢insider大姐! -
Brown bear
My situation is quite like yours. I also have to try very hard to restrain myself and at times when it builds up too much I explode like a volcano. Am trying to work on this part too. -
Brown Bear:
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, where have you been?And when I did restrained, I feel extremely frustrated inside like why I can't even be angry when things make me angry.
Hello, thanks for opening up the monster in you!
Don't mind I wanted to laugh at the above statement. Hahaha... (laughing real heartily).
See, it's your whole mindset that needs to be changed. Many things are just neutral but then coz of your subjective interpretation, they become negative. No one makes you angry and it's you who make yourself angry most of the time!
So, if you can change the way you view things, then you will not get angry as often. Accept there's a Grey between Black and White...
Just try to give up always winning at home, then you will be the ultimate winner = everyone wins...
Tell yourself losing to your husband and your kids are absolute OK, then there will be more peace (since you know you are bad temper = big patch of 无明 = surrender yourself and let the other calmer ones lead you. Even if there's no calm ones at home, you also cannot be the Leader else all maybe led to 死胡同. Your husband sounds like a nice man leh...).
I am glad that you are working towards taming yourself. Slowly but surely, you and everyone will get better!
How? Set yourself a three to five years target and look back at that time to this time and I believe you will see a big difference in every family member's life...
滴水穿石...... -
To continue with my story. I’m also like insider’s second sis marry young to escape the family. My parents did not get along too. Father quick-tempered and mother stubborn, must win all the time. When angry, bang here bang there, scold A indirectly by taking it out on B. Me being the youngest child used to get it a lot of times.
I was however very lucky to marry a good man. He has lots more 仁，智，勇 compared to me.
Besides of my own family background I was very conscious not to create the same unhappy environment for my kids but sad to say I do have some of the same flaws although it is to a lesser extent.
I see my dd is quite similar to me - insecure, temperamental and impatient. Am trying to correct myself so that I can help her.
Ds1 is more like his father and has good 人缘 so less worried about him.
My r/s with my mother is quite bad. Now I only see her every other month and no phone calls in between. I only see her because I need to give her allowance. I know it’s very bad of me but I really wasn’t motivated to do anything about this till I read this thread. It is indeed very timely for me. It’s going to be difficult but I’m going to try one small step at a time. -
hi fairy
Thank you for sharing the inspirational story about DIL MIL.
I was strictly brought up v sheltered and my mom was successful in molding us into obedient children. So as an adult, my style is to listen, avoid confrontation and try to please. I treated my MIL even better than my own mother. My mom I could "talk back" nicely and becos she loves me, she may compromise.
The diff w MIL is she is not my mother. After so many years, with maturity, I realised the wrong thing I did is marry her beloved son. I never talk back to her whenever she scolds me. The more I endured, the more frequent the scoldings, the worse the treatment. No matter how I do things, it is never correct even if I follow her way.
When I could not take it anymore, we had a very fierce quarrel after 15 years of endurance. Then I started standing up for what I feel is impt. I don’t sweat the small stuff. Guess what. She scolded me less becos I was no longer a pushover.
But insider posted this morning
"When dealing with old folks, I feel it’s not so important whether they are right or wrong. If things are of not life threatening nature, even if they are wrong we can also close one eye instead of trying to correct them…For example, not everything that my mum does is correct but I will just oblige to keep her happy coz making her happy (and not making myself happy) is my Guiding Principle whenever I come into contact with her. Nothing matter more than the Happiness of my mum - that’s my Guiding Principle that I will never lose sight of!)"
So while it is easy to do the Guiding Principle for my own mum, for my MIL it is hard. I worry the more I endure, the worser treatment I get. Just this CNY, her own daughters confided that mum is getting more unreasonable because everyone is spoiling her by "enduring" scoldings even when undeserved. But I want good karma for my kids so I will try to improve the relationship - baby steps. Maybe I am too reserved and serious. Let me try smiling, pleasant face first. -
insider, u mentioned that giving money to parents is good. i gave money to parents ever since i worked but stop after i become sahm 2 yrs ago. both said i dont hv to give since i am not working. they are also working but earn not much. straightaway after that my father had cancer but he recovered. but his health is not as good anymore. he keeps lamenting that he has bitter life cause still need to work at his age. i feel so sad. i wish he can retire too. but if he retire he will have nothing to support himself as he has zero savings. notice i didnt mention i worry about my mom cause she has a lot a savings. their relationship is very bad so when i asked mom if she could help support dad so that he can retire she refused. so father needs to tahan till i can go back to work when baby is old enough. but my daughter is really attached to me and i dread the day when i have to put her to child care. she is so attached that no one can carry her except me and hubby anow at13 mth.
i am torn between taking care off my children or supporting my father. what should i do? -
insider:
Insider,What is a 桃花 (cherry blossom)?
桃花 has a wider meaning than the general interpretation. It refers to whether someone has ‘opposite gender attraction’ (异性缘), not restricted to only opposite gender that are involved in matters of the heart. Eg, a man well liked in the office by his female boss and colleagues or a woman well liked by her male boss and male colleagues = relatively strong 桃花运.
The number of 桃花 stars shinning directly on a person and the type of 桃花 has the following implications on that person.
For example, for those who are Horses next year will have many 桃花 appearing throughout the year.
For those who are singles, they have a high chance of meeting their 真名天子.
For those who are married, they may meet seduction from 小三 or they become 小三.
Other than that, Horses can meet opposite gender who are coming as 贵人 or 小人.
Bad 桃花 = 烂桃花 – can bring disasters (eg Michael Palmer, etc), can break hearts,
The above predictions for those born in the year of the horse really got me worried...very worried. :sad: -
Nihauma:
Not advising about your dilemma. Just to share abt bb. She's my 3rd child. I'm the main caregiver since she was born. She's super attached to me. I sent her off to kindy this yr, she's a 2010 bb. 2 reasons why I \"pack\" her off to a 4 hrs kindy, 1, I really needed the rest and 2, I'm not in the state of mind to teach her.insider, u mentioned that giving money to parents is good. i gave money to parents ever since i worked but stop after i become sahm 2 yrs ago. both said i dont hv to give since i am not working. they are also working but earn not much. straightaway after that my father had cancer but he recovered. but his health is not as good anymore. he keeps lamenting that he has bitter life cause still need to work at his age. i feel so sad. i wish he can retire too. but if he retire he will have nothing to support himself as he has zero savings. notice i didnt mention i worry about my mom cause she has a lot a savings. their relationship is very bad so when i asked mom if she could help support dad so that he can retire she refused. so father needs to tahan till i can go back to work when baby is old enough. but my daughter is really attached to me and i dread the day when i have to put her to child care. she is so attached that no one can carry her except me and hubby anow at13 mth.
i am torn between taking care off my children or supporting my father. what should i do?
For the 1st month it was really difficult, she cried and held on to me so tightly that the teachers could not pry her off me. Once in kindy, she will settle down, but I think it's also becos ds is there with her. Before she was due to attend the kindy, I will tell her she will be going to school soon. She will go with me when I send and pick dd1 to and from school, and ds too. I will always say, see jie jie / kor kor going to school liao, you will be going too next yr. First few times, she shook her head violently and said no no no. But after a while it was better. I would also said, jie jie / kor kor coming home liao. Although I kind of prepare her, it was still tough. After a month, it's much better, she is ok to say bye bye to me and walk calmly into the kindy. Though I still need to bring her to the kindy, while ds take the bus. When she's 3yos, I hope she will be able to take the school bus to kindy too.
My pt to all this rambling is that if you decide to go to work, your child will adapt too. Look for a good cc. -
Fengshui is true but this ‘Truth’ can be misleading, like Macbeth and the Witches…
Fengshui can be used to change the Qi of a place to help a person.
As I said before, we are embedded with positive and negative seeds in us. By using Fengshui, we are trying to use the Qi that Fengshui manages to change to activate the good seeds in us so that good things can happen. Hopefully by activating the good seeds (such as family will have lesser quarrels, get more $$$, etc), the family can be more peaceful and more bad seeds will not be sown. This is the positive part of REAL fengshui.
However, by doing so will not get rid of any of the inherent bad seeds already embedded in us.
We take a simple example of someone having the below embedded seeds in him – 10 good and 10 bad:
±±±±±±±±±±
With the help of a GOOD Fengshui Master (not 骗吃 type huh), someone may experience the sequence of events as below:
++++++++++ ----------
That person may feel life to be very smooth. Spouse and kids guai guai, career smooth, money comes easy. Please note that that person needs to have these original good seeds in order for the Qi of Fengshui to activate. If no such good seeds, then fengshui is not useful. So, basically, one is just using fengshui to ‘realise’ the ‘maturity’ of good seeds earlier.
But then if this someone does not go on to cultivate more good seeds, then the good seeds will slowly diminish. Or, if the Qi of fengshui is suddenly ‘broken’ due to whatsoever reasons, then the ‘suppressed’ negative seeds will start to show up in consecutive manner and this can be a very scary thing.
For example, someone may experience a very smooth life by using Fengshui, then for a certain period in his life, he suddenly loses his job, loses his child, goes into bankruptcy, enters into divorce, etc, at about the same time. Coz these things happen one by one, this person may not be able to take the blows one after another. If he is not strong, he may die.
Bad things happen now and then for good purposes. If they happen sporadically, it builds strength into us to face more and more challenges coming ahead of everyone of us. If one’s life has always been smooth is not actually a good thing over the long run. Bad things actually let us appreciate good things more instead of having the tendency of taking things for granted…(阴 vs 阳 concept that these two are always relative and balanced).
So in summary, Fengshui activates good seeds but do nothing to the bad seeds. These bad seeds can only delay their maturity time but they will mature sooner or later if the carrier doesn’t want to do anything kind to counter the effects of these bad seeds when they mature……
So, it’s still must do good deeds to cultivate good seeds coz of really you reap what you sow. …
PS:
I am not against Fengshui per se. I use little items in my office to create money Qi. However, I will not go for full scale fengshui in my house coz I know I can create the Qi myself and to engage other family members to create the Qi to activate our own good seeds naturally. I welcome problems for everyone in my house – coz that builds strength while getting rid of some negative seeds at the same time. Therefore, my strong belief of nothing can kill me. If problems want to come, come lor. See one, solve one…
For those who are using small little things to change the Qi of a house (such as using 文昌塔）, those are OK. Just don’t attempt to change too much. There’s really nothing better than Nature and we know how powerful Nature is…
Always 可信不可迷…
PS2 as add on:
I go back to my Money Bowl Theory that each of us comes to this world with a Bowl Size more or less fixed (changable by the good and bad things we continue to do).
For example (very simple one), someone’s Money Bowl needs to go through the below cycle:
—+++±+±+++++± = net 7 pluses in life
By using Fengshui, one maybe able to activate all the money to come in first:
++++++++++++ ----- = net 7 pluses in life
So this person will have the following probable 下场：
1. got money when young but poor when old.
2. got money throughout his life but all his negatives he has to bring to his next life (or leave to his offsprings to settle).
So, you still can hope to get Money by using small fengshui items but should never go into 强求 extent with a massive 风水阵…
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