don't really know how to talk to wife
-
Joule, if you felt misunderstood by me, I am sorry. Just trying to help put things into perspective here coz I am guilty of behaving like your wife too and I know men like to feel important... Problem is, these same men like to marry smart bossy women too... why the contradiction?
I did say that your wife needs to speak with more respect, just in case you thought I wasn't on your side.
I don't know if she is really smart or not but ultimately, the point was to encourage you to see her positive side and work things out. Hope you can take things easy...
Dun worry, I am definitely NOT your wife!
:siam: -
cherrygal:
hi hi thank you for the positive response...Joule, if you felt misunderstood by me, I am sorry. Just trying to help put things into perspective here coz I am guilty of behaving like your wife too and I know men like to feel important... Problem is, these same men like to marry smart bossy women too... why the contradiction?
I did say that your wife needs to speak with more respect, just in case you thought I wasn't on your side.
I don't know if she is really smart or not but ultimately, the point was to encourage you to see her positive side and work things out. Hope you can take things easy...
Dun worry, I am definitely NOT your wife!
:siam:
good to know you're 'not' my wife :siam:
-
Joule:
Hi Joule,
you sort of made the point that many men in SG face. but I think in the context of a traditional marriage, husband should make the final decision. But having said that, a lot of wives say they don't give the husband 'face'. There was one obnoxious case of my wife's friend criticizing how 'stupid' her husband is when they met for dinner. Some wives have a sick thrill out of it. I know where this thrill comes from.
I think i should direct my hub to read this thread (too bad, he dont surf Ksp
)
For my case......Hub would often asked for my opinions BUT in the end, he would stick to his decisions....
be it issues regarding business or at home.....
Perhaps, men juz feel great to make the final decisions....
Perhaps, it boasts their ego and makes them feel useful n wanted.....
As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.
( so long his decisions cause no harm/demage to me or the family, juz let him have it).
Actually, not a bad thing to let him make the final decisions......
in the event when things go wrong, I would not be blamed....haha
Regarding criticisms of hubbies in the public.....in my opionion, shd be a No, No....
Giving face to hubbies in the public is as good as giving face to ourselves....
If there is anything.....go back home then thrash them up....
If u are still in the state of anger, best NOT to talk abt the issus for the time being.....
Sometimes, it's good to have a cooling period....(but not too long,ok)
Words said in that anger moment are often hurtful.......which can be more demaging than not to talk....
Alternatively, as someone has mentioned, write her a love letter to express whatever yr thoughts, yr feelings....
instead of talking....
As what u have said, things arent that bad, so not too worry, hope to hear good news fr u soon.....
-
As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.
Yes,yes,u r absolutely right :rahrah:
When we raise up our opinion to our DHs,hv to be tactful.Always add this powerful words:\"well,it is up to u,u r the head of family,i let u decide,dear\"
I've this habit of sharing wf him, on the shorter distance to reach the destination.For me,i mean well;for him,i might be \"belittle\" him :skeptical: .I try to control,but sometx can't help it
when he is driving towards the heavy traffics road while knowing there is a shortcut nearby,to avoid the jam.
I remember once he was driving in australia...he drove the wrong way n insisted he was right.I let him be,at the end,proven it was wrong.Then i told him,\"just now u came fr. there,logically,u shld drive back to where u came fr.then opposite direction\" OMG,didn't know i was digging my own grave :scared: he wasn't happy wf me over the next few days.Luckily,we straighten things out n he was fine later.
Ever since then,even i know he is going to drive towards dead end or lake or sea,i either keep quiet or \"ask\" him instead of correcting him. -
To add on,i used to look for my DH's shortcomings n nvr realise i myself is not perfect either.Yet,he always be forgiving to my shortcomings.
DH n me used to be in the same situation as u...quarrels,cold wars..etc..Then he started to change,i guess he realised he has to take a lead,to give way or compromise.
It wasn't a smooth process.It took 10yrs of marriage for him to realise n accept it takes two to run a family.In the past,he used to \"outsource\" everything to me...till i was tired n got into health probs....I appreciate his efforts n learn to let go the past hurt.
At times,by admitting one's mistake to the other person,rather deny or making excuses,could gain more respect :salute: n acceptance fr. the other party. -
vinegar:
Haha....Sounds very familiar.....As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.
Yes,yes,u r absolutely right :rahrah:
When we raise up our opinion to our DHs,hv to be tactful.Always add this powerful words:\"well,it is up to u,u r the head of family,i let u decide,dear\"
I remember once he was driving in australia...he drove the wrong way n insisted he was right.I let him be,at the end,proven it was wrong.Then i told him,\"just now u came fr. there,logically,u shld drive back to where u came fr.then opposite direction\" OMG,didn't know i was digging my own grave :scared: he wasn't happy wf me over the next few days.Luckily,we straighten things out n he was fine later.
Ever since then,even i know he is going to drive towards dead end or lake or sea,i either keep quiet or \"ask\" him instead of correcting him.
I used to say the same, \"this is what i think, Up to u to decide ....anyway, since u already know what or how u want to do it\"
Yr quoted example reminds me of once when we were in HK.....
Told him that we were walking the wrong direction back to the hotel.....i rmb the landmark....
BUT.... he insisted that he was right, told us (me and gal) to follow him...
After a while, i stopped, told him, \" if u want, u continue walking i shall sit here and wait for u to come back\"
He stubbornly walked for some distance and then kwai kwai walked back to us.....u see.... :evil:
-
[quote=\"vinegar\"]
When we raise up our opinion to our DHs,hv to be tactful.Always add this powerful words:\"well,it is up to u,u r the head of family,i let u decide,dear\" [\\quote] sounds so familiar.. I say that to DH too. My favorite phrase --> I'm just sharing my views. I'm good to go along with your decision. You call the shots! -
It is perfectly normal and healthy when spouses get into conflicts, disagree and argue over issues. I, too, am not exempted from the occasional bickering with my spouse during my many years of marriage. I have learnt that the key lies in how you manage the conflicts effectively by working around them, if not resolving them. Be creative.
The fact that spouses end up hurting each other during arguments is when they talk too much and think/listen too little. They lose control of their emotions in order to gain control of the arguments
when being challenged. In their emotional angst, they become irrational and unreasonable. The more vocal and
eloquent one seems to always have
the upper hand, even though they are in
the wrong as pride gets in the way. The
other is left feeling bitter and resentful.
Hence, communication breaks down.
What spouses fail to see is that
relationship is more important than those
conflicting issues. In truth, there are many issues not worth fighting about. They sap
your energy, make you feel miserable and frustrated and destroy your relationship.
Start by affirming each other’s strengths.
Indeed, affirmation is in short supply nowadays. Thus, people end up criticizing more and appreciating/encuraging less.
They dwell too much on the negatives and
what goes wrong instead of the positives and what is good and beautiful.
Mutual respect for each other is important.
Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. Stop being self-centred and be sensitive to the feelings and needs of your spouse.
Recognise each other’s differences and manage them well. Make adjustments to our behaviour and expectations. Listen
well to each other’s perspective. No
judgemental, selective or even attack listening, please. Practise empathy. Be kind to each other.
Lastly, stop being resentful and practiss forgiveness. Your pride and ego will not save your marriage but humility will. Either you win your arguments or lose your relationship. The choice is clear for those with wisdom. -
:hugs: :snuggles:
Action speaks louder than words.. -
Augmum:
ah....so u haven't figure out yet.
Hi Joule,
I think i should direct my hub to read this thread (too bad, he dont surf Ksp )
For my case......Hub would often asked for my opinions BUT in the end, he would stick to his decisions....
be it issues regarding business or at home.....
Perhaps, men juz feel great to make the final decisions....
Perhaps, it boasts their ego and makes them feel useful n wanted.....
As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.
( so long his decisions cause no harm/demage to me or the family, juz let him have it).
Actually, not a bad thing to let him make the final decisions......
in the event when things go wrong, I would not be blamed....haha
Regarding criticisms of hubbies in the public.....in my opionion, shd be a No, No....
Giving face to hubbies in the public is as good as giving face to ourselves....
If there is anything.....go back home then thrash them up....
If u are still in the state of anger, best NOT to talk abt the issus for the time being.....
Sometimes, it's good to have a cooling period....(but not too long,ok)
Words said in that anger moment are often hurtful.......which can be more demaging than not to talk....
Alternatively, as someone has mentioned, write her a love letter to express whatever yr thoughts, yr feelings....
instead of talking....
As what u have said, things arent that bad, so not too worry, hope to hear good news fr u soon.....
When hubbies ask for opinion, we are basically seeking reaffirmation of our decisions. Just like wives asking 'am I fat?'....there is only one answer :siam:
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login