Hanging out with intelligent friends makes children smarter

[sharonkhoo]

sinoboy:

Well you should be thankful that most people have similar thoughts like mine and that your children didn't hang out with kids with little intelligence, wisdom and means like me. Could lower their chances of studying overseas and missing out on exposure and better career opportunities, unable to climb further up the social ladder and got to live with regret for a long time after that. :lightrod:

I wonder how you know who my kids hang out with? I don't know the intelligence and wisdom of those friends, but I do know for a fact that many of them have limited means (like us!). I can assure you that my kids will not be able to study overseas at university level unless they get a scholarship, and at least one of them has doubts about even qualifying for university, let alone getting a scholarship. As a mother, I work at bolstering her confidence in her future, that even without a degree, she can find work she likes doing, live within her means, and life can be meaningful even if she doesn't climb the 'social ladder'. I see nothing to be thankful about if so many focus so much on career and social advancement as I think they are missing out on a lot of happiness and satisfaction. Still, you are as entitled to your views as I am to mine.

[keroppi]

slmkhoo:

As a mother, I work at bolstering her confidence in her future, that even without a degree, she can find work she likes doing, live within her means, and life can be meaningful even if she doesn't climb the 'social ladder'. I see nothing to be thankful about if so many focus so much on career and social advancement as I think they are missing out on a lot of happiness and satisfaction. Still, you are as entitled to your views as I am to mine.

:goodpost: :udawoman:

[sunflower]

One’s life experiences will usually shape how one views the world. Most women (esp mothers) usually view things differently from men. Remember? Men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Also, some SAHM are relatively sheltered and more nurturing in nature and hence, they may see things from a different perspective.


My guess is that sinoboy may be in an industry with many of such cases that he described and is seeing the reality of what’s actually happening, hence making him feel shortchanged and in denial.

All I can say is that it’s a big patch of 无明 (as explained by insider), which until it is removed, it’ll be difficult to see the light of day.

[Irrelevant]

slmkhoo:

I wonder how you know who my kids hang out with? I don't know the intelligence and wisdom of those friends, but I do know for a fact that many of them have limited means (like us!). I can assure you that my kids will not be able to study overseas at university level unless they get a scholarship, and at least one of them has doubts about even qualifying for university, let alone getting a scholarship. As a mother, I work at bolstering her confidence in her future, that even without a degree, she can find work she likes doing, live within her means, and life can be meaningful even if she doesn't climb the 'social ladder'. I see nothing to be thankful about if so many focus so much on career and social advancement as I think they are missing out on a lot of happiness and satisfaction. Still, you are as entitled to your views as I am to mine.

slmkhoo

Sinoboy certainly sounds like a bitter young man. I think that you are giving very good advice to the young man. :salute: Don't have to feel too upset with him. Maybe he is a better candidate for experiential learning? Hopefully, with the benefit of more exposure and life experience, he won't become a bitter old man.:nailbite:

[Imami]

After reading the pages 6-8, I have the following thoughts.


I hope my son will choose his friends wisely. Not necessary friends who are smarter, can be someone whom he needs to take care of (to build the nurture side of him). Not necessary friends who are richer, can be someone who is poor in the pockets but rich in the souls (so that he can discover that treasure the little that he has is as important as cherishing what he doesn’t have). Not necessary friends with "powerful backgrounds", I would not want my son to grow up like the money plants/vines (need to cling on to something to grow). If he is to be someone so small and non descript, i rather he be a happy 小草.

大风起 把头摇一摇
风停了 又挺直腰
大雨来 弯着背让雨浇
雨停了 抬起头 站直脚
不怕风 不怕雨 立志要长高
小草实在是并不小

[sharonkhoo]

Irrelevant:

slmkhoo:

I wonder how you know who my kids hang out with? I don't know the intelligence and wisdom of those friends, but I do know for a fact that many of them have limited means (like us!). I can assure you that my kids will not be able to study overseas at university level unless they get a scholarship, and at least one of them has doubts about even qualifying for university, let alone getting a scholarship. As a mother, I work at bolstering her confidence in her future, that even without a degree, she can find work she likes doing, live within her means, and life can be meaningful even if she doesn't climb the 'social ladder'. I see nothing to be thankful about if so many focus so much on career and social advancement as I think they are missing out on a lot of happiness and satisfaction. Still, you are as entitled to your views as I am to mine.

slmkhoo

Sinoboy certainly sounds like a bitter young man. I think that you are giving very good advice to the young man. :salute: Don't have to feel too upset with him. Maybe he is a better candidate for experiential learning? Hopefully, with the benefit of more exposure and life experience, he won't become a bitter old man.:nailbite:

I am not upset with him, but feel sad that he feels this way, and if he is correct, that many feel that way too. Yes, I hope he will change his views with time.

[fable]

Isn’t "smartness" nature? i.e. what you’re born with? If all kids are taught the same way (I know this doesn’t happen, just holding this constant for more meaning comparison), then I’d imagine how well a person does academically would be determined by

1) inherent "smartness"
2) attitude, and
3) parental support

I think friends can certainly influence the child’s attitude (positive vs negative peer pressure). e.g, my son was just telling me that his (P2) teacher was asking for volunteers to do some activity, and most of his classmates put up their hands. His friends also have an informal 满分 club which they can be part of if they get 满分 for their tests.

Are his friends smarter? I don’t know. But it certainly gets him to focus on trying his best.

But attitude also has to do with how they treat each other; about being considerate, polite, kind, tolerant.

Even for me as an adult, sometimes I meet with some friends who are very successful, and all they talk about are material things - cars, houses, holidays, who got a bigger bonus. By the end of the evening, its hard not to feel dissatisfied with what I have, even though logically I know that I have more than most and that I am happy.

[Mawar]

I have a few cliques of friends from school, work and leisure. I gravitate towards those who make me feel recharged, positive and happy after each gathering. We bounce off positive energy and go back to our routine rejuvenated. I try to minimize meeting people who are negative and competitive. I don’t want to leave the gathering feeling small and low.


These friends come from all walks of life and in all shapes and sizes. Intelligence and material success is not part of the equation. The happy ones are grateful and are usually most willing to share their half full cup, the negative ones usually complain about their half empty cup.

[sinoboy]

slmkhoo:

Irrelevant:

slmkhoo

Sinoboy certainly sounds like a bitter young man. I think that you are giving very good advice to the young man. :salute: Don't have to feel too upset with him. Maybe he is a better candidate for experiential learning? Hopefully, with the benefit of more exposure and life experience, he won't become a bitter old man.:nailbite:

I am not upset with him, but feel sad that he feels this way, and if he is correct, that many feel that way too. Yes, I hope he will change his views with time.

Why change my view when my bosses and other company bosses thinks that people and degrees from overseas more intelligent than local ones? More important higher pay positions goes to these seemingly smarter people with perceived higher social standing. I also have aspiration to own car, house and start family have kids but I can't achieve without a decent minimum affordability. Can't fault me to think 'overseas better' or 'climb higher social status' when cash flow and life are easier for these smarter people right? Role model like our gov bank chief also not local. Why change my view when it's the reality. At least I am not like some smart people I know who think that being ah Kua or idolize gangnam Psy is more fashionable and will appear higher class and more intelligent. :siao:

[Coolkidsrock2]

sinoboy:

slmkhoo:

[quote=\"Irrelevant\"]
slmkhoo

Sinoboy certainly sounds like a bitter young man. I think that you are giving very good advice to the young man. :salute: Don't have to feel too upset with him. Maybe he is a better candidate for experiential learning? Hopefully, with the benefit of more exposure and life experience, he won't become a bitter old man.:nailbite:

I am not upset with him, but feel sad that he feels this way, and if he is correct, that many feel that way too. Yes, I hope he will change his views with time.

Why change my view when my bosses and other company bosses thinks that people and degrees from overseas more intelligent than local ones? More important higher pay positions goes to these seemingly smarter people with perceived higher social standing. I also have aspiration to own car, house and start family have kids but I can't achieve without a decent minimum affordability. Can't fault me to think 'overseas better' or 'climb higher social status' when cash flow and life are easier for these smarter people right? Role model like our gov bank chief also not local. Why change my view when it's the reality. At least I am not like some smart people I know who think that being ah Kua or idolize gangnam Psy is more fashionable and will appear higher class and more intelligent. :siao:[/quote]You sound very disgruntled and am not sure the basis of this impression. In the last 12 years or so, there was never a discussion on my academic/professional qualifications in my job interviews. What was being assessed is my \"cultural fit\" with the company and the people whom I will be working with. I know for a fact that in my job search, there were candidates better qualified or cheaper than me, but I landed the job because I \"fitted\" the cultural better.

In fact, the same was reiterated by headhunters. Every candidate has nearly the same technical knowledge, it is the cultural fit that determines which of the candidate who will get the job.