桃花谈

[jedamum]

Hi insider,

Yes. Do agree that from the perspective of the traditional pov,my dad was the most successful one, leaving behind a brood of five grandsons despite he was the one who married the latest.

He was a great man. But one who has difficulty connecting with his family members. In my memory, he was always helping others, and an absent and authoritative father figure.

Hey, I think I will dream of him again tonight. The past few times when I read your thread and went to bed thinking of similar issues. , I dreamt of my dad.

[vinegar]

insider,

i understand what u mean…I feel happier as working mum too.Too bad,there is no way i could return to workforce at this moment.

One thing i lost ever since i bcome SAHM is self-respect.DH doesn’t respect me as before…take me for granted most of times.So I took ur advices,pamper myself when necessary.

[MMM]

insider:

But in my heart I was quite clear of why he had to go through these and I was glad that his actual sufferings were mere two weeks.

I can relate to this.

My 大姑 felt giddy and vomit on 3rd day of this year's CNY. She fainted, heart beat stopped for 30mins. They managed to resuscitate her. But she was in coma and left on 10th day of CNY. She was a very kind person when she was alive. Always helping those in need. So despite that her funeral was during CNY, alot of people turned up to send her off. In addition, my mum was saying due to her good deeds, she only left on 10th day as she wanted everyone to pray to heaven god first. Though it was sudden but she left in quite a good way. Without her really suffering.

My grandpa on the other hand has been sick for the last 15 years. He is 89 this year. Stroke after stroke. In and out of hospital. My uncle (from step grandma) has been taking care of him all this while. Seeing how my auntie left in a good manner, mum told me that uncle felt really emotional about it. Afterall he has been taking care of them for so many years. Mum said that when grandpa was young and in China, he had to force people to get rid of ancestor tablets etc... and all other \"not so good\" stuff. So now the spirits are torturing him. They don't want to make death easy for him....

Then there is my step grandma. She was a typical wicked stepmum when she was young. Always ill treat my mother, etc... Now she trust my mum most as my mum has been treating her well despite all that has happened. She has 2 kids (my uncle and auntie). Both are not doing \"well\" and her mental health has been so so. Mum always felt that it's because of my step grandma's \"bad\" deeds in the past that is now affecting her 2 children.

[Giggler1]

Hi insider,


Learnt new things today after reading all the posts.

That is one of the main purposes of a marriage is that we marry someone who is definitely not an identical piece of ourselves so that we can learn to be a better person over the long run.

Also about the Money Bowl Theory, I always don’t want to take hb’s money one. Like to be as independent as I can. Now I know where his money don’t come in so easy.

[insider]

vinegar:

insider,

i understand what u mean....I feel happier as working mum too.Too bad,there is no way i could return to workforce at this moment.

One thing i lost ever since i bcome SAHM is self-respect.DH doesn't respect me as before...take me for granted most of times.So I took ur advices,pamper myself when necessary.

vinegar,

I share with you one of the smses that my second sis sent to me last May when i encouraged her to come out for a coffee with me and she said no followed by:

\"No thanks. I need to cook dinner. To b frank wif u, I wish I never get married, so I could have my own career, freedom and many much more. I was too stupid to quit d job n so naive wanted to be a gd mother. But what to do? It's too late to regret. Thanks anyway.\"

Above is her exact sms.

Her 3 GEP kids are around 22, 20, and 18 this year.

Her life is really so unfulfilling.

I have to go back to my earlier Guiding Principle:

要做不要怨
要怨不要做
如果要做又要怨 will achieve lesser than 干脆不要做.

Dont fall into the vicious cycle.

If now you have to be the SAHM, then be the best that you can be.

不要怨 coz it's your choice, else your 'nails' maybe flying around and all at home will 难过......

Just have a maybe 3-year or 5-years plan, then maybe one day you can come out to breathe again. MUST live this period of time more cheerfully!

Will share the story of my second sis when i free, about why she seems a bit like is the creator of everything but blames the things that she has created herself...

[Joule]

[quote]
Above is her exact sms.

Her 3 GEP kids are around 22, 20, and 18 this year.

Her life is really so unfulfilling.

I have to go back to my earlier Guiding Principle:[/quote]why so bitter. open eyes a bit. Kids so big already, still need to cook dinner for them? I think this person should go ask them go macdonald tar pow once in a while la while she enjoys herself with her husband money

[Lavina]

insider:

Will share the story of my second sis when i free, about why she seems a bit like is the creator of everything but blames the things that she has created herself...

Looking forward to this. Can't understand why she sounds so unhappy...

[concern2]

Joule:

[quote]
Above is her exact sms.

Her 3 GEP kids are around 22, 20, and 18 this year.

Her life is really so unfulfilling.

I have to go back to my earlier Guiding Principle:

why so bitter. open eyes a bit. Kids so big already, still need to cook dinner for them? I think this person should go ask them go macdonald tar pow once in a while la while she enjoys herself with her husband money[/quote]Mummies have a tendency to give, give, give, then everything becomes an obligation instead of a choice, end up feeling trapped. Many lack confidence to return to work after too many years of being 'homebound'. Agree that it is time to let go and move on. Kids so big liao..

[SAHM_TAN]

Hi insider,


Thanks for sharing your ds’ story. Will be on leave during the Mar hols, will take the time to work out my Guiding Principles.

[sleepy]

insider:

I am concerned for ALL women who choose to be SAHM but who do not have any 私房钱. ALL SAHM should have 私房钱 if the husband can afford


Also, Money Bowl Theory has it that if men want to become rich, they should entrust their money to their wives (of course provided the wives are of OK OK intelligence). Men who prefer to keep their own purse string instead of handing it over to their wives may find it more difficult to make money...

My dh gave me full discretion to manage his finance. Just wanna clarify, is it necessary to have the money in my single name to be counted as 私房钱?

Because right now all our active accounts are joint name. His salary is credited into our joint account. I'm the one holding the pin number and password for our joint account.

I managed everything, he never bother to write a single cheque or file his own income tax return ever since we got married. He's quite happy to be hands off, totally clueless on our bank balance and expenditures.

Although I have a personal account but I hardly transfer any money there & my personal account is mostly inactive except for some GIRO payment.

Every month I will transfer a fixed sum to my dh's personal account. He prefers to continue with the bank where he has a personal account because that bank has more ATMs so more convenient for him to withdraw cash.

He doesn't withdraw cash from our joint account although he does charge his debit card purchase to that bank.

So do I still need to have say a FD in my single name to be counted as 私房钱? The more in my name more luck for him?

Thanks so much for your advice