don't really know how to talk to wife

[sharonkhoo]

vinegar:

i was like u....wasn't a runner.Can swim 10laps or more but cannot run more than 1km. It takes time to build ur stamina. I couldn't swim for past few months coz raining season,so i went running.Initially,i could only run 1km,then slowly,now i can run 2km.If i stop running for a week,then i've to start to build up my stamina again.

I prefer swimming and have given up on running. I was one of those in school who always brought up the rear ... far, far behind. Married a man who ran several times a week so tried to pick it up, but really hated it. So I stuck to swimming. Now my 13yo daughter runs with her daddy (who has slowed down due to age and knee problems!).

[Augmum]

TheAnswer:

Augmum:

[quote=\"TheAnswer\"]To me the best way to punish my DH is to remain silent.

TheAnswer, seems like there are quite a few areas we are alike.....haha
Yes, same for me.....hub cant stand my silence....he will break the ice first....

I'm usually quite a chatterbox. I literally can talk nonstop. He used to wonder why I have so much to talk about Thus when I'm home and I'm silent for a few hours, he knows trouble is brewing. Confirm something wrong. He usually will break the ice within a few hours. Yes, his tolerance is that low. If I am at level 10, he is at level 1. But then again, I do not give him silent treatment regularly. It only happens when he piss me off continuously for few days. My mood usually recovers quickly so it isn't hard to pacify me [/quote]hmm....i am not a chatterbox, but if i choose to remain silent....it means REAL Silence....he knows the difference....

Actually women are rather easy to pacify (most lah...if not all)....
When hub makes me piss off, he juz need to buy me some of my favourite snacks or desserts or whip up my favourite dish.....
plus a sincere \"sorry\" .....kao tim.....

[vinegar]

Jennifer,

u r welcome. Start somewhere…We’ve to stay healthy not only for my figure but also for ourselves n our children. Healthy diet,lifestyle n exercise r impt to keep our mind or body active. We don’t hv to jog like mad, a 20min run will enough to sweat u out n u’ll feel difference for the whole day.

Jogging is nvr been my piece of cake. I’ve no choice to stick to it coz this is only exercise i could do it fast n conveniently. I can jog anywhere i like while i can’t swim anywhere i could,hehe…

Once i drop my kiddo to school or tuition,i change into running shoes n jog ard the school or ard tuition centre.

[Funz]

If I am unhappy about anything, DH will definitely know. I am not one who will keep quiet. I have to speak my mind. Or else I will get very wound up. But once it is out in the open, I also tend to cool down very quickly and move on.


Dh on the other hand is a brooder. He will snap at everyone over the slightest matter and brood and sigh but will not say what is wrong. There were many times when it got on my nerves and I had to tell him spit it out or if he doesn’t want to talk about it, then let it go and move on. He told me many times that he is trying to avoid quarreling with me that is why he doesn’t want to say anything. This kind of reply usually sets me off. You don’t want to talk it over with me but keep giving me attitude and expect me to know what is bothering you. Don’t want to talk, don’t want to quarrel, then let go, move on. But he cannot, so most of the time I will just ignore and behave as if nothing is wrong. Sometimes he snaps out of it, other times, I snap and tell him to snap out of it. Haha.

[Happie Mummy]

To Joule,


I think it maybe better not to retalliate with any verbal resentment on the spot when she makes a 'not-that-appreciative-comment', coz the word u say, the way it'll sounds, the tone u'll have and the facial expressions u'll wear will definately not be what your underlying objective to be put across, rather more of venting or voicing out your '不满' over her comments. And this will NOT solve the issue but only lead to further comments being made and the vicious cycle continues. When in argument, any word may sound sarcastic or harsh to both party even when it may not actually mean so.
Better to find a good time to talk it out nicely when u r feeling neutral (not after an argument). May try text her or email her (since she's always on email), make a date with her, tell her upfront that you would like to have a good talk with her as you are feeling rather down recently. Dun say that u \"need to talk to u(her) regarding some prob i (you) feel between us\" / \" i need to talk to u regarding our prob\"... The key phrasing is \"talk WITH you\" not \"talk TO you\" coz the later sounds like \"YES u r the one at fault so i have to talk TO you\" and dun say \"regarding our prob\" as she may not even see or feel that there's prob between u 2. Since u do feel that there's still love between u 2, just that communication is becoming an issue, hearing u say that u r down n need a talk, she may be concern enough to agree on the date without wearing a protective shield n start acting defensive thinking of all the 'allegation' u r going to shoot at her n start planning her argumentative replies even before u meet.
If she does agree to meet, bear in mind that this session is to VOICE OUT how u feel, to BRING TO HER AWARENESS of how u feel, not telling her how unhappy u r with her, how wrong u find her doing these m that... NOT a complain session. Once u start sounding 'finger pointing', naturally her defensive shield will wrap her up and nothing u say will get into her.
Try think of a 'prob' in urself for every prob u finds in her. Make it sound fairer that u o not just point out her prob, but u did do some self reflection and u wan to share with her your penny of thoughts.
For the way she makes comments over u :
\"not sure if I'm being over sensitive, but I feel that when u say..... I feel... I know u may not mean it that way but I think I'll take it better if you say it....\"
For her being engaged with her stuff online :
\"sometimes I do wonder if I'm being too needy for u. At times, after a long day at work, coming back home, i do wish for some time to simply nua n relax with u even if we were to do nothing, watch tv, chat a little as u r my charger to my life, spending time with u recharges my energy. Hence when I see u occupied on ur lappie or phone, I feel very distanced. I do wish to spend more time with u\"
...........
My point is, putting urself down at the 1st place doesn't mean u r at losing end or inferior. It's just an opening to feel that u see it as \"it's US\" not \"I think YOU...\" taking her defensive shield off her allows her to listen to wat u gotta say.
Mind not to turn it into an interrogation session questioning her \"why do u say this...How do u think Ill feel.... Why can't u....don't u think.... Can't u see....\" coz her replies will definately turns u off.
If u think u can't say these to her in this way when facing her, put theses into words in a letter (good thing abt letter writing is that u can vet thru again n again to get the most appropriate phrasing, and these words can be undo unlike spoken Words once said can't take back ), hand the letter to her to read when u meet. Reading letter also 'force'her to finish reading all that u wan to say rather than her jumping to her defense interrupting ur points. But crucial thing is do it face to face so u can immediately add on n follow up after she reads.
If there's still love, let her feel that u r troubled coz u care for ur relation.
Just be mindful to 'share n voice out' not 'complaining' or 'thrashing out all faults'...
I hope this can be helpful

[Imami]

ammonite:

roll me all the way home.\"

:rotflmao: 滚回家？

ammonite:

they were surprised that dear old mum can actually run.

Yup, it happens to me too. My child was so amazed that his mummy could run and jump.

[Imami]

Jennifer:

slmkhoo:

[quote=\"Jennifer\"]Ya, my hubby does not do the above. My younger boy does


Last week, my younger boy was told: I am not as sporty as you, into so many types of games. I do not feel motivated to play tennis or soccer with you. Badminton and table tennis I can do.

Sad, right?

I don't see it as sad, just reality. You don't expect him to like all the things you like, so he has to learn to do the same. You are preparing him well for later life. I don't feel at all guilty when I tell my kids that I will not do certain things with them because I don't enjoy them, and they accept that.

I felt sad due to a reason I cant post here.[/quote]Whatever the reason, don't dwell on it too much/long :hugs:

[Joule]

Happie Mummy:

To Joule,

.....
I hope this can be helpful

yes thank you

I will read it again

anyway like I said before we do not have a 'major' problem

(well, as major as I can imagine anyway)

we still get along, it is only when argument and misunderstanding happen

then I get reeaal mad

we are still generally ok

yesterday we averted an argument over kid after kid sleep

it was a good 'save'.

we managed to catch ourselves before argument escalated

so she went to play her iPad candy game and I went out for walk (and ice cream, hur hur)

I'm ok with her not paying attention to me as long as it's not too bad

relationship is made out of togetherness and separateness anyway

[sleepy]

Jennifer:

I was very much a stay at home person - everyday at home was a playday when the boys were younger.

:hi5:

I'm a 宅女. Very hard to drag myself out of the house unless necessary. So when kids were young, there were no walks in the garden (although right in front of my block) or trips to playground. We merely 宅 at home together everyday

I don't even play with my kids. I asked them to play with each other. Kiddy toys bores me. I only like the rolling on bed westling and tickle them silly kind of playing

I did start to exercise since last March because of some drastic weight gain which scared me off my favourite couch. After reaching an exercise peak end of last year, I started to slow down again because of recurring knee pain, hip pain. Aiyo, I'm better off not exercising since I don't have these problems when I was a couch potato

Anyway, not renewing my gym membership and have since removed all cardio exercises like kickboxing and zumba. Now only intending to continue with ABT exercise classes twice a week since I'm taking classes together with dh.

Hey, I can't swim at all & can't jog at all (unless 50m counts).
But who cares :evil:

[sleepy]

slmkhoo:

Married a man who ran several times a week so tried to pick it up, but really hated it. So I stuck to swimming. Now my 13yo daughter runs with her daddy (who has slowed down due to age and knee problems!).

Your dh is into marathon? I agreed with your earlier post that couples don't have to do everything together la

My dh has been doing 10km so far although he's rather serious, would train in gym with specific machines to target certain muscles group, take ABT class to improve core strength, etc etc on top of his weekly run.

He also likes golf but I have no intention of joining him. I don't quite get the merit of sweating profusely under the sun risking pigmentation. So I avoid outdoor exercises until I could figure out how to play golf or jog with a huge umbrella :rotflmao: