桃花谈

[Giggler1]

mummy so kiasu:

What about scolding kids out of anger but don't really mean what we say? Will we end up hurting them unintentionally (beside emotionally)? Quite tough to change our habit or character within a short period of time.

Yes, it's really very difficult to change our habit or character. I tried to control but failed last week. Out of 5 days, I shouted at the kids for 3 days. Sigh.... My DS2 still so cute leh, told me that I can shout if I'm scared, don't control.

[vinegar]

Giggler1:

mummy so kiasu:

What about scolding kids out of anger but don't really mean what we say? Will we end up hurting them unintentionally (beside emotionally)? Quite tough to change our habit or character within a short period of time.

Yes, it's really very difficult to change our habit or character. I tried to control but failed last week. Out of 5 days, I shouted at the kids for 3 days. Sigh.... My DS2 still so cute leh, told me that I can shout if I'm scared, don't control.

ya lor...difficult to control esp knowing that they purposely do it to go against u....But really really try.....

I always told my boy pls don't do things to agitate mummy...U r good boy,right? Can I trust that u'll be obedient today?Sometx,do work if i give him a bit of reward....I find giving stern look wf deep voice warning work \"sometx\",

[SAHM_TAN]

I don’t think they really do it purposely to atangonise us the parents. Heehee

[Busymom]

:thankyou: dolphinsiah for the video clips.

[Busymom]

insider:

Busymum & phttp,

Emmm... think have to revisit a bit on Seedling Theory.

Seeds are carried by everyone of us, some positive and some negative.

So, ANYONE who scolds may 'pre-activate' the negative seeds while anyone who blesses may also 'pre-activate' positive seeds. (parents have multiplier effects).

For example, if someone carries the 'short life' seed and then he cut queue and someone scolds him 'Go and die lah'. This one may pre-activate the 'short life' seed and that person may dies shortly instead of maybe have a chance to do kind deeds to delay the 'short life'. If he doesn't carry the 'short life' seed, then curse will not be effective.

Curse can come in verbal or even non-verbal.

For examples of wrong verbal

1) giving someone a very 'fierce' stare while in the heart the 'starer' holds very terrible thoughts in her heart. This 'thought / 念' is sufficient to transmit the 'pre-activation' energy.

2) wrong modelling... (can be non verbal or verbal)

So one should not curse and swear huh... even silently, when stuck in a traffic jam, etc.?

Could you elaborate what do you mean by wrong modeling?

Another question: you once wrote that we will invite bad karma if we hurt someone badly. In the case of BGR, what happens if it is just 一厢情愿 by the other party? Or what happens if after being together for a few years, one party has a change of heart and breaks off with the other party (before marriage), would it activate some bad seeds?

[Fairy]

insider:

(BTW, I am not familiar with 掌相 but then so far I know about 断掌 for women is having 'man's character, meaning strong and also indirectly will face more challenges. Can be someone highly successful in career but may have to work like a cow. Can be married but then coz character too strong and overpowers husband thereby leading to 阴阳不协调 and end up more quarrels. My three closest best friends ALL 断掌 women. Hahaha...kind of strange... )


...

Hi Insider,

How about a man with two 断掌?

[kwk9060]

Fairy:

Hi Insider,

How about a man with two 断掌?

Hihi, my hubby both hands 断掌, my baby girl also, both hands.

[insider]

Went to 'reconfirm' my understanding of 断掌 and yes, it's about strong character so 断掌 is better for men than as form women in a way coz basically it means 'strong headed' / determined.


In the past, women needs to be 'gentle' and 'meek' then consider good else would be seen as 克夫, etc. But now society changes and so 断掌 makes no actual difference between a male and a female and the difference maybe as women, we still need to use the 'softness' that we have in ourselves to 'get' what we want, esp from men, incl our spouses and sons (a lot of things cannot get it by 硬硬来 but can get it quite 'effortlessly' if one knows how to 以柔制刚.)

Below summary on 断掌. Want to say again hor, 命, whether good ones or bad ones, though seem fixed, individuals can change themselves... (must find a willingness to change).


有此手相而手比较小的男性，个性强，对善恶均有强烈感，是个不见棺材不落泪的人，如误入歧途将会成为黑社会的主脑人物，如走上正道会是个大事业家；女性 断掌的人，很难要求她持有女性化的魅力，为人心直口快，很重理智，公事公办，丝毫不偏私，不善调情，因此一旦恋爱，婚姻多半不幸福。

http://www.365suanming.com/xiangxue/shouxiang/13931.html

PS kwk:

So your daughter has 断掌 and now you may have a pre-conceived ideas of she will be 'strong headed' and 'determined' and probably one of those who refuses to take advice.

If she indeed really turns up this way, then please accept her else will be a lot of clashes.

While accepting her, you have to model the 柔 part in you for her to learn indirectly (coz you can never teach 柔 directly coz it's an 'abstract' skill).

You cant really change a child's character by hitting or scolding her.

While after hitting and scolding, a parent may feel 'improvement' in child's character and behaviour, those are usually illusions only coz most children would be intelligent enough to suppress their certain traits to avoid punishments, meaning they are still who they are, just that you can't see the 'real' person in them anymore.

So let's say for example your daughter really turned up to be stubborn and she changed on surface coz if she doesn't change, she may 'get it' from you. So, you think that she has changed.

But deep inside her, she doesn't change. She suppresses.

When she grows up, the True Self will start to surface / explode. And the real ones who will kena all these blunts likely will be her husband and kids; thereby making the 'prophecy' true for a 断掌 woman.

I advocate strong emotional connections with a child. So accept the child as what she is, allow her to share her innermost self with you, and exchange your innermost self with them (as they grow bigger). While in the meantime, you practise kindness and your child will be able to learn indirectly.

When my brother started taking drugs when he was about 11 or 12, my parents hit him hard. Subsequently, my mum found that hitting couldn't change him, my mum used love. Whenever my brother came back with a broken leg or arm, she didn't scold anymore. Instead, she nursed so patiently on those wounds. I can still recall vividly how my dad hammered a live fish so that to boil the 生鱼汤 for my brother to recover faster from his wounds). My mum somehow understood the 'theory' by herself, that if she still wants the son, she has to accept him as who he is until he is willing to change by himself...

[kwk9060]

insider:

PS kwk:

So your daughter has 断掌 and now you may have a pre-conceived ideas of she will be 'strong headed' and 'determined' and probably one of those who refuses to take advice.

If she indeed really turns up this way, then please accept her else will be a lot of clashes.

Yes, even at the tender age of just a few months old, she display the character and behaviour as you mention. She will cry until she gets what she wants, I've tried the let her cry it out method but fail. She know how to roll over at 3mths, knows how to control the baby walker at 5mths, abit of crawling at 6mths when we put her on her stomach, a very stronge will girl.
[quote]While accepting her, you have to model the 柔 part in you for her to learn indirectly (coz you can never teach 柔 directly coz it's an 'abstract' skill).[/quote]Thanks for the advise, will keep it in mind.
[quote]You cant really change a child's character by hitting or scolding her.

While after hitting and scolding, a parent may feel 'improvement' in child's character and behaviour, those are usually illusions only coz most children would be intelligent enough to suppress their certain traits to avoid punishments, meaning they are still who they are, just that you can't see the 'real' person in them anymore.[/quote]I have observe this in my 2 boys, after canning, they will improve but they will repeat the same mischief again the next day. DS1 being the older one has the intelligent to avoid punishment by not doing it but he will ask DS2 to do it and watch as DS2 received his punishments. It was after some observation that I discover DS1's 'motive' and I told him that he will received the same punishment as DS2 if he instigates the act.
[quote]So let's say for example your daughter really turned up to be stubborn and she changed on surface coz if she doesn't change, she may 'get it' from you. So, you think that she has changed.

But deep inside her, she doesn't change. She suppresses.

When she grows up, the True Self will start to surface / explode. And the real ones who will kena all these blunts likely will be her husband and kids; thereby making the 'prophecy' true for a 断掌 woman.[/quote]I saw real case scenario, one of my cousin since young very obedient, she will always be reading or doing her homework when the other children are playing. Than one fine day she change totally, rebel her mother, play truant..... the mother was heartbreaken.

[Imami]

insider:

Any child borne to any particular set of parents comes with a purpose - 讨债 or 还债

yesterday I spent quite a long time talking to my mil yday and the session ended with me 感触良多. I Haven't figured out why these kept running in my mind.

My sil (husband's sis) - since her first kid, who is now 6, she has miscarriaged for the three time. The third time took place recently when she was already moving towards the end of her second trimester. She had been hoping for a girl and this one was a girl (the earlier two were miscarriaged much earlier, didnt know their gender yet). Why like that? Want to come but half way thru, \"go back Liao\"? It's so hurting.

Mil's neighbour - she is a friendly and smiley lady. The husband and her were not high income earners and life was hard because they had three kids. Now that the kids are in their early thirties and twenties, life was not any better. The husband was down with stroke. Wife still continue working as a school cleaner despite not very mobile. Not sure why, she is limping. Mil said neighbor just had a hip operation. But I couldn't help thinking her condition seem something more. Her two elder kids do not earn much and do not bring back any money. But this aunty was very nice to us always. Every year, she would give my son a fat ang bao, despite her financial situation. Just cny eve, I saw her popped over mil's to give mil some veg she bought from Mkt. Seriously, given her financial status, I think she very generous.

Mil-for some strange reasons, she kept saying to save money so that if she end up with stroke, can self fund and send herself to nursing home. I was like :slapshead: come on la, u got three kids, why u sound even more pathetic than me?!