Failing relationship with Son
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sahm but going back for school soon yea i do use that sappooach but hes not listening and all he replies is i dont know why lah >
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Basically we suspect he is doing all this for attention,he knows hes smart but using his smartness in this wy is not right.
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Now don’t talk about his behaviour and I think u have to bring him to some fun activity places. Lego land or any theme park.May be together his friend’s family.or Wild wild wet…Include jogging in his daily schedule.
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mummy OnABudget:
Basically we suspect he is doing all this for attention,he knows hes smart but using his smartness in this wy is not right.
If you are right that he is attention-seeking, then perhaps you can assess how much non-schoolwork-related attention he gets from you? If it's very little, it may be that that is the reason. If he has been doing well in the past, he may feel that he is valued primarily for his results and good behaviour, and this is a way to testing to see how you react when his results dip? He is only a child, and however smart, he may not see that he is actually doing harm to himself and your relationship. It may help for the adults in his life to give him more positive attention aside from schoolwork so he feels valued for himself. Just some thoughts. -
每个孩子都是独特的个人，必须根据他的需要适当地给予关心，给予信心，给予照顾和温暖。不过，无论你用什么方法教导他，照顾他，启发他，你必须让孩子感受到你在关心他，接受他，了解他，支持他；对他的感情和思想，做亲密的肯定的支持。如果在这方面失败了，对孩子而言，爱就成为支配和控制。
孩子需要你关心他的愿望，但不希望你支配他的愿望；需要你了解他的困难，但并不希望你做太多的干预；需要你的同情和支持，但并不希望你责备和凌辱；他也期待你的协助，但不希望你替他做抉择；需要你的指导，但无法接受你严格的管教和训练。
It is like flying a kite, holding the string tightly and keeping the kite near you will be a disaster, going with the wind, letting go of the string lightly but staying in control helps the kite soar.
Just my thoughts on this.
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mummy OnABudget:
Since you are SAHM, can't you send and fetch your son from school? Some parents do that. This will stop gallivanting.sahm but going back for school soon yea i do use that sappooach but hes not listening and all he replies is i dont know why lah >
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maybe try letting him taking up some "sports", like badminton, tennis or squash.
Instead of gallivating around, used the time for sport with his "best friend". -
Mummy on a Budget
It is not my intention to judge, but just sharing what I have learnt.
I have 3 gals, the youngest of which is a special needs child. My eldest gal is P3 this year, and she is artistic by nature - a lot of doodling, craft and dance. At the same time she day dreams a lot. She takes longer than usual to eat her meals, take her shower, complete her tasks cos she tends to be get distracted a lot. She is also stubborn, and has her own mind about things. Because of this, she challenges a lot of things, even simple things like doing her school work, doing chores and eating vegetables. Basically she wants to have her own way, which at her age could be unfeasible or inappropriate in my perspective.
We clash quite a lot, and I have my fair share of shouting, coercing, persuading, coaxing, explaining and negotiating. Recently I have added caning to my bag of tools cos she really tips the scale at times. Our relationship is push-pull – at times I feel that I am pushing her away when she really provokes me to the breaking point, other times I pull her back by initiating things that she likes and bond with her. I am grateful that my DH is very involved with the kids and I sometimes fall back on him when things get too much to handle.
It can be really tough to manage when there is still a middle child who learns from the elder one, and a special needs youngest whom I need to devote a lot of time to (which is a totally different story in itself). I have not found the right balance with my eldest gal yet, and I still make a lot of mistakes when dealing with her. Many times I am laden with frustration, guilt and anger when I deal with her. But other times I feel happy and at peace when we share joyful moments together. I am not a perfect parent, but I refuse to think that my relationship with her is failing. Focusing on the good helps me maintain my sanity and gives me the drive to want to do more and learn more.
Sometimes giving ourselves and our children some space does help. I am learning to let go of certain things, and not to be too uptight. It can be very tiring, but that is parenthood.
Hope this helps in providing another perspective to your issues. My two cents worth. -
Write your son a letter. This will help you and your son to see things from other perspectives.
Give some time and space to yourself and your child.
Take care and this episode will blow over soon. -
I am sorry to know about your falling relationship with your son. If I am not wrong, your boy did well in P5 & he is in the top class this year. Could it be too much stress given by the school & yourself? Try to talk to him to find out his concern. Counseling might help to a certain extend. Try to sort it out as soon as possible so that he could focus on his PSLE.
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