In-law problems?

[janet88]

duriz:

DH just called to say his mom doesn't want a big celebration but only a dinner at home among ourselves, no guests, just like dinner everyday. He also added that they are at the cake shop, can they go ahead and order the cake.

The only I said to him was:\"If you are the mother of the child, would you like to see how the cake looks like before ordering it?\"

Don't mean to rub salt in, but how come your daughter's birthday is a normal dinner with no guests ? Are your parents attending ?

[duriz]

janet_lee88:

Don't mean to rub salt in, but how come your daughter's birthday is a normal dinner with no guests ? Are your parents attending ?

No problem.
And no.
Just the people living under the same roof.
PILs, BIL (if he's around) and the three of us.

MIL prefers to keep it simple.
I beg to differ.
I'm not thinking of a big birthday bash with 500 guests.
But I'm not agreeable to her idea either.

[janet88]

Duriz,

Your MIL funny ah…birthday dinner for just the people under the same roof. It’s not like you’re having a dinner with 5 tables.
Mine here is the bochap type…she wants others to remember her birthday and not the other way. When SIL invited her for daughter’s birthday party, she arrived late and wants transport to/fro. She will also have that damn buay shiok look.

[auntieM]

duriz:

janet_lee88:

Don't mean to rub salt in, but how come your daughter's birthday is a normal dinner with no guests ? Are your parents attending ?

No problem.
And no.
Just the people living under the same roof.
PILs, BIL (if he's around) and the three of us.

MIL prefers to keep it simple.
I beg to differ.
I'm not thinking of a big birthday bash with 500 guests.
But I'm not agreeable to her idea either.

If she gets it done her way, it will be more difficult to 'handle' in future..
Drop her strong hints can?

[janet88]

Hi Duriz,

I think you have every right to decide, since you are mummy.
This reminds me of the time when my son was born. Told me she didn’t like the name SIL gave to her daughter. I asked her if she was the one who named her 4 kids…and she said YES. So I asked her, ‘why can’t the mother name her own kid ?’

[tree nymph]

janet_lee88:

Hi Duriz,

I think you have every right to decide, since you are mummy.
This reminds me of the time when my son was born. Told me she didn't like the name SIL gave to her daughter. I asked her if she was the one who named her 4 kids...and she said YES. So I asked her, 'why can't the mother name her own kid ?'

my MIL told me that I have no right to name my own kids, saying that i'm not senior enough nor knowledagble - what crap! Out of politeness, we ask her to list down a list of nice English names that she like for us to pick. And I will give my kids chinese names. She insulted me saying i'm not qualified to name my kids! She - does not know a single word of Mandarin - wanted HER mum to name my child, who was also educated in English???!!!

No choice, I have to give up my rights and pay for a name...

[tree nymph]

duriz:

janet_lee88:

Don't mean to rub salt in, but how come your daughter's birthday is a normal dinner with no guests ? Are your parents attending ?

No problem.
And no.
Just the people living under the same roof.
PILs, BIL (if he's around) and the three of us.

MIL prefers to keep it simple.
I beg to differ.
I'm not thinking of a big birthday bash with 500 guests.
But I'm not agreeable to her idea either.

Duriz,
If I were you, I will go ahead with the birthday celebration. You can do this:
Choose one weekend to hold the birthday celebration. invite your best friends, your relatives and cook up a storm or just order buffet. Order the cake you want!
On the actual birthday, keep it simple and have a small celebration for the people living under the same roof lor. Then can just get a normal cake lah.

In this case you are still having a small celebration with the family only on her actual birthday, not wrong.

[auntieM]

tree nymph's suggestion sounds great..

I will order another cake for DD 'in case' I drop y MIL's cake leh
Soli, that was evil me..

[DesertWind]

duriz:

MIL prefers to keep it simple. I beg to differ.

I'm not thinking of a big birthday bash with 500 guests.
But I'm not agreeable to her idea either.

Dear Duriz,

My advice to you \"SPEAK UP ASAP\"!!!!

Talk and discuss directly with your MIL (not through hubby or FIL) that since it is your DD's 1st birthday, you want to order a BEAUTIFUL CAKE for her that cost HUNDREDS of dollars so you pai-seh to make her pay. Tell your MIL not to worry, just leave the cake to you!

As for the party, izzit because you are staying at her house so she scared of lots of work to do? Can you try to discuss with her to find out the reason? How about if you have a party at other venue ie. at a hotel function room etc?

You are your daughter's MOTHER and you MUST do what you want for your own kid and make all the decisions. Start right now to SPEAK UP! As nicely as possible of course....

Otherwise, this may only be the beginning of other problems...like schooling, enrichments, clothing etc....???

Best regards!
:celebrate:

[janet88]

Hi Duriz,

Why not place a reservation at a restaurant, invite your parents/relatives/friends along ? There is no reason why you have no say in your daughter’s birthday. If your MIL continues with this, you will lose all your rights in future in all matters pertaining to your hubby and children.

Tree nymph,
If you have no right to name your own child, then who has ? I told hubby that since we are Cantonese (btw, MIL isn’t), the name must sound nice in both dialect as well as in Cantonese. It’s not like I will give my children an ugly name.

The best part is MIL can tell me she named her 4 kids, then why can’t we ? If she doesn’t like my son’s name, then it’s too bad for her.