In-law problems?
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Dear friends, thank you for all your kind words, concerns and suggestions.
Guess i was just feeling the tension cause the new owners of the ol' place
are moving in very soon and it seems that living arrangements have not bn
finalized. I have very little or rather no say in this decision (unless if it is my
place in mention) plainly because the parents are theirs. I have brought it
up to hubs during earlier house hunting days that he should sit down with
BIL and sort things out in case ILs have no other options available to them.
$ is an issue for ILs as they never planned for their retirement at all. :roll:
Having a filial son like hubs only makes them even more complacent i find.
But that aside, being filial IS a trait i do like in men. It means they are the
types who are respectful and responsible. My daddie is one such person..
He is a wonderful father too. I share many many great memories taking
care of gramma..... both of us together. In gramma's dying days, we knew
that she knew we loved her so.... cos though she was comatose stiff for like
2yrs..... she gripped our fingers with whatever strength she had left & shed
a few droplets of tears before we left her on our last visit. The doc had been
telling us she cannot hear, move or speak... in harsh words she was already
a vegetable. We persevered to speak to her each day and ensured she was
in the best of care. All my dad's siblings took turns to take care of her in their
home. Not that there weren't problems but everyone took turns.
I was also feeling down over a few other side issues that i came to know of
plus some baby scares as well. Good news is the baby scares are finally over
and out of the way and i hope to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy days since
it's the last one. :lol: *gulp* ... i hope.
As for the ILs thingy, i was overly worried that hubs would bring it up to me
that we may have to put them up with us for the meantime until they find
their own space. All these arrangements should have been gao tim earlier by
right ya know, cos it takes many months to look for a place and to sell a place.
Initially, hubs was saying let them settle their own problems and i got worried.
Cause they never do. In the end it would still be hubs who wud be the one
who had to come in to settle the problem physically and financially. It always
has been. Just that i feel slighted when i raise this observation, hubs usually
finds i'm the black sheep... that i'm always thinking negative about them & him
helping them and stuff. Never once did he think that i am very concerned that
he is helping them beyond his means and indirectly adding stress to himself.
It only paved the way to ILs never being able to be independent all on their
own. They are lost without hubs. I love to the point that it pains me to see
him going and doing beyond what he can. Being the understanding wife & with
our sensitive girls, we always try to placate his mood swings when he's upset
with his family on top of work stress. Hubs failed to see and sense that we
care about him, his well being and that his temperament inflicts ripple effect
on us that he may not realise. I have been there through everything and i truly
mean everything..... i am sad that he sometimes ticks me off and thinks i am
insensitive to his family problems and stuff... but i mean, haven't i been more
than sensitive? More than accommodating? More than magnanimous? Even
after MIL have tried to come between us soo many times causing us to have
unnecessary husband and wife squabbles which didn't even start from either
one of us?
I am one who always try to see good in people..... focus on positives but with
this one person i am beyond trying. I'm done. I give up. I am tired. I am just so
exhausted with all her mind games and scheming ways. I dun care anymore
that hubs doesn't know... chooses not to know... or anything. I'm throwing
in the towel. This is one fence which i now truly feel not worth mending... plus
it has never been me to break the fence so many times in the first place. I have
come to the point where not even harsh love works anymore. She's just too
much of a nuisance already. Really feel bad even saying it. But really lah... enuf.
Enuf of me being an un-dutiful wife who bulllies :whut: her husband and wears
the pants in the house and me again the un-respectful daughter in law... who can
never seem to listen to her... :whut: ... the fat whale who cannot please her son
aesthetically and sexually
.... the incapable mother who doesn't know better
when it comes to raising my own children :whut:.... the ill-bred child who wasn't
raised properly by my parents...
ENOUGH.
Not that i want to be bad la. But if she did a helluva better job, then why BIL
doesn't even 'volunteer' to take her & FIL in to stay with them? Why is he still
resistant to have them over even after many discussions?
Frankly, if she wasn't such a pain and THAT unbearable to begin with and live with...
i don't think i'd be posting ANYthing here... ever. :roll: It is hard to respect a person
who not only doesn't show you the same basic respect but also comes down hard
on making things difficult for theirchildren & always having ideas on how to break us
up. Parents; i thought should be the ones offering guidance to mediate and patch
up cracks to us young ones... not make things worse and get out of hand.
Aniwaes, i do not want her to get under my skin anymore. I've not been rude
to her all this time... trying my best to respect her as an elder and as also my mother,
since she is after all my mother in law. So i chose to just avoid any confrontation,
any action, or rather... anything in general. In fact i have not been talking to her for the
past year and yet..... can you believe it, i still come to know that she has been bad mouthing me.
Our home is finally almost finished and we can finally declare it officially
ours and in the open... Soon...
Our home... i like how that sounds. The house is beautiful and i cannot
ask for more.:please: It is quiet and peaceful physically, emotionally and
spiritually. The girls are giggling a lot more since we arrived and find they
can finally feel a sense of belonging here.
Though crossing fingers and praying sooo hard may not have helped all
the time, i will still do a final cross on this one and pray my hardest that
this time..... for my happiness, my children's happiness, the rebuilding of
our marriage & to the new start to our lives that our new baby is bringing
in for us..... for love ..... that was supposedly how it all started.....
I truly pray that hubs will do us right... for once.
God, wherever you are..... please ...... carry me with you if you think i deserve to...
if you find i have done it right by you...
.
.
.
.
.
.
*Tks RRMummy 4 reposting that piece... it provides me comfort and solace... i sure needed that...*. -
LKVM:
Most of the MIL will love their son mah but DIL errrrrrrrrr not too many :P[/quote]i tink if a MIL is smart, she will avoid 两败俱伤 by being nice to the DIL.. some are just plain silly thinking they can continue to hog the son and have the last say in all matters..hapydino:
[quote=\"tree nymph\"]actually i think with daughter or no daughter, in general MILs will not love their DILs like their own daughter lah. DILs are the ones plotting and instigating against them so as to take away their precious sons!
quite true oso.. but i oso hear some MIL really love the son and dil leh.. 爱屋及乌.. -
I have ILs but I don’t have ILs.
So reading all the nonsense they give makes me appreciate hubs even more.
I don’t hate mine. I just don’t enjoy being around them.
And I would prefer to leave it as things are:
They only know my boy’s name and I don’t have to see them at all.
In fact, after getting married 4 years ago, I only saw them twice.
Once at my hub’s sis’ wedding, once at his granny’s funeral.
They don’t call, we don’t call.
Our family events/holidays/parties don’t involve them.
As my hubs say, "You can choose your wife but you can’t choose your parents. So I chose you, I must stick by you. They wanna be funny with you, I will make them disappear."
And ‘disappear’ they did.
The only time we talked about them during our marriage is just before his sis’ wedding. I asked my hubs what should I be calling them when I see them. That’s it. We never talk about them ever since.
Mummies who are having probs with ILs, my maternal granny used to tell me "one ear in, the other ear out - it’s like cleaning your ears". That’s how my mum survived living with my disciplinarian paternal grandma. In fact, my mum is the only one who can cook my grandma’s ‘famous dish’. Even my aunt doesn’t get it right. -
Buds,
can feel from your post u really had gone thru more than u can bear… seldom see u post negative stuff… and yes, i hope u will get wat u wan… jiayou!! -
hapydino:
Buds, can feel from your post u really had gone thru more than u can bear.. seldom see u post negative stuff.. and yes, i hope u will get wat u wan.. jiayou!!
Guess it's the hormones talking ba.. :lol: A bit sappy hor. Niwaes, thanks
for providing your emotional support. You guys are my strength now... I
am actually visualizing all of us here holding our hands together in one
big circle now. :lol: Yes, I pray i WILL get what i want. Heck. I waited so
long for it... patiently too may i add.
Yup, i am in actual fact and in
real life very kai lang... a very happy and cheerful person. I seldom post
negative stuff cos i try to be as positive in my posts as i am in real life. -
LKVM:
Buds almost the tears started rolling after reading ur post (I have been sitting in the open office so need to quickly grab the napkin).. I will surely pray for ur happiness
:snuggles: Thank you LKVM.. :snuggles: Sorry to have made you cry.
I heaved one giant sigh after i posted that last long post. I felt better
already now that's out..... this is one place i know i can pour my heart
out. -
:love:
:snuggles: -
buds:
Gosh dear... i so wanna give you a very big hug right now... :snuggles: i'm tearing as I write.. all the insults that you have had to put up with..and you could still have stayed with them for 10 whole years!! My heart aches for you dear..
Enuf of me being an un-dutiful wife who bulllies :whut: her husband and wears
the pants in the house and me again the un-respectful daughter in law... who can
never seem to listen to her... :whut: ... the fat whale who cannot please her son
aesthetically and sexually .... the incapable mother who doesn't know better
when it comes to raising my own children :whut:.... the ill-bred child who wasn't
raised properly by my parents...
..
I truly pray that hubs will do us right... for once.
God, wherever you are..... please ...... carry me with you if you think i deserve to...
if you find i have done it right by you...
*Tks RRMummy 4 reposting that piece... it provides me comfort and solace... i sure needed that...*.
It's great news that baby is now stable. Dear GOD, as you gave buds and family a new hope, a new baby and a new home to make it all well again.. please carry her through this tall and strong
Buds, if your DH is sensitive towards lyrics, let him listen to \"The Winner Takes it All\". Althou it's abt the losing her husband coz of adultery, I still find the words aptly describes the hurt of a 'betrayal'...
I don’t wanna talk
About the things we’ve gone through
Though it’s hurting me
Now it’s history
I’ve played all my cards
And that’s what you’ve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That’s her destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I’d be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It’s simple and it’s plain
Why should I complain.
But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
I don’t wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You’ve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......
:grphug: -
I'm the one sensitive babe.. not him. :lol:
While that worked on me aptly, it won't work on him.
-
haiz... wonder what can knock some senses into him... :idea:
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