In-law problems?

[buds]

hquek:

hi buds,


Good luck. I hope you all can find a solution that works and that does not involve you having to stay with them.

I hope so too, hquek. Thank you for your strength. :snuggles:

hquek:

You have gone through 10 very trying years. It's time to take a break.

Yah.. cos kit-kat didn't work.

hquek:

Just kp, can they not apply for those elders studio flats? If they are able, they should stay on their own first. Whatever it is, a break will be good for all around.

They've exhausted all options and not having any retirement plans or
nest, since all this time they've been solely dependent on hubs. Choices
are to rent a space or go stay with BIL for a change. Yes, a break would
be nice.

[buds]

mummy of 2:

Dear buds


Hope all will end well, and that your suffering will come to an end soon. 10 years is a long time, and it's not easy to even get to this stage. Hope your DH will understand and appreciate your scarifices, and DO something about it.

Yes, suffering IS definitely the word. They're hard to see through so
hubs can never understand what i have had to go through. It definitely
wasn't easy to get to this stage... as for hubs appreciating the sacrifices
i honestly don't know. Saying but not believing and showing is really no
use. Actions speak louder than words...

[buds]

duriz:

I'm praying for you Mummy buds :hugs:

Tks, i need all the prayers and good luck charms i can get right now.. :hugs:

[buds]

auntieM:

My goodness! I can imagine loads must be going thru your mind now.. ..

Yes, really a lotta stuff. But trying to keep it cool cos i do not want to
jump to conclusions and make hubs angry. I'm just really tensed cos
time is running out for them. They need a plc to stay asap.

auntieM:

It will really be taxing for you with a new baby and new home.. I too agree that your ILs should look for a place and stay on their own.. Do sit down with your hubby and have a good chat..how can he go back on his words so soon.. Please take good care buds
:hugs:

Unfortunately, they have zero consideration for others auntieM. And they
have given me so many empty promises they never ever kept. It's
beyond sitting down and discussing stage liao, it's already crunch time.
Hubs technically \"has not gone back on his words\" for they're not with
us right now. It's just that there hasn't been an affirmative confirmation
on their living arrangements and it's driving me insane, though i try not
to show it. I will try to take good care of myself, auntieM. Thanks for your
concern and kind thoughts. :hugs:

[RRMummy]

buds:

It would not have been so bad had hubs only observed beyond what

he sees... listened with his heart... believed me for who i represent &
not some evil daughter in law who was out to malign his parents all
the time. To believe me for what i was worth... for what our marriage
was worth... Guess i wasn't worth that much.

It has been a trying and sad journey for me. While i'm reali hoping to
finally see the light at the end of my seemingly long tunnel, i am
scared at the same time at the possibility the unknown will bring.

dear dear buds, you are worrying with your past-tenses... :scared:

please do not lose hope and do not lose faith.. you are worth a lot to us, to your gals, to your parents and during those times he was online, I could tell very very much so to your hubs too.. the pressure from his parents must be really making him not think straight..

hang in there darling. I'm sure the Almighty will carry you through this in time to come...

Tomorrow

Clouds fill the sky;
Your life darkens and the world disappears;
Everything becomes totally meaningless.
- But, as with time, the clouds will pass and
reveal the sun which was there all the time.

As you look into the sunlight, your face
shines again whilst your shadow appears behind you.
The future beckons as you hold out a
nervous and shaking hand.
One step at a time
- One day at a time
Slowly but surely your strength will grow
and slowly but surely life will grow.

There was a time when every day seemed like yesterday
But there will come a time when today greets tomorrow;
When your mirror becomes a window;
It is then that you will see your future
and not reflect on the past.

Have Faith, have Courage and have Hope
for you will survive.

Derek Dobson 2005.

[buds]

RRMummy:

i pray that he will come to his senses soon of the potential damage the strain will cause..

The damage has already been done RRMummy... Lotsa damage to
be honest with you. I couldn't take it anymore really... I had to take a
reprieve away from him to think and reflect on how much i really wanna
fight for what we HAD. He almost lost us three... Like i said before this
is the final opportunity for him already. I will not give him anymore. I
specifically told him that. If he is serious and genuine about being with
us and ensuring our happiness, he WILL this time go all out even if it's
out of his way to make sure we are happy and that he WILL keep his end
of his promises.

RRMummy:

i pray that he will have the courage to stand up for you and your children...

This is very important to me, RRMummy. All this time all he ever stood
up for was his family... especially his mom. I don't deny she has done
a lot for him and his siblings but she has destroyed my marriage and
my respect for her.

RRMummy:

: i pray that you have enough strength and energy to endure this a little more longer...

Honestly, i don't have much anymore... that's why i shared that i am now
pitting all i have left to give him this final chance and all i have is enuf
for that.

RRMummy:

: I pray that you will come out of this 'game' thriumphant.

Triumphant is a BIG word in my situation. I wouldn't mind a small
consolation reali. I can be thankful for life's little things if only it ever
does come my way.

RRMummy:

:Do take good care dear.. :snuggles:

I will try my best. :snuggles:

RRMummy:

:p/s. You've got PM..

Received with thanks and lotsa love.. thank you, my dearest friend. :hugs:

[tree nymph]

Buds,

really very hard…

For buds_hub too I guess… he can’t possibly throw his parents out to the streets as well. In cases like this, it will be wonderful if one has money… though money is root of all evil, it can also solve lots of problems too.

I really hope that he will be able to make a sound and workable arrangement, so that all of you will be happy!

[buds]

janet_lee88:

buds:

Mine wud rather i endure the conflicts & ensure they got a space to stay... even when it meant a very emotionally straining relationship. Hubs never believes me when i'm sad things happen.. I'm tired.. just really worn out... exhausted... all i want is for us to live our own lives.

I understand how you feel. A marriage can break down when the old ones cause conflict and hubby doesn't know bcos all he sees is the angelic & demure side. Living with husband and kids can be so blissful, of course with ups and downs, and the last thing any woman wants is conflict. I hate it most when the old one comes into the picture and creates unhappiness between the couple, which happened during the early years of my marriage. We will always quarrel after a visit.

Yes, janet_lee88... you are so right. Tks for being able to be in my shoes.
I am really not an unreasonable person. My unhappiness with ILs esp
MIL had begun since Day 1 after we came back from our honeymoon..
She started to scare me with her true colours which i kept to myself for
sometime and made me cry many nights to sleep. When i actually had
the courage to bring it up to hubs, he reprimanded me and said never
say anything like that abt his mom... that his mom IS his #1.

So of course when he double checked anything i brought up to him with
his mom, she twists the facts around and never failed to make me seem
like the tale-bearer and nasty DIL. She also had a hand in influencing
him that i must be taken in hand or else i'd climb over his head. She
maintained a man must make his presence known in the household.
All the equality thing is pure crap. Once married, the wife is place is
never above the husband. He just dismisses everything as the old folks
are like that... they just say only but never mean it wan.. so don't be so
petty and take every little thing to heart. Let it go already..

But, each time i managed to let something go... something new will
come along.

[tree nymph]

markfch:

Your post got me thinking. There're some forumers here with outstanding traits that I admire. How I wish ds can have the following combination of attributes:

a) chief's analytical skills
b) automnbronze's poetry talent
c) ksi's EQ
d) schewepes's story telling skills
e) verykiasu2010's suaning talent
f) Way2Go's humour
g) buds's patience
h) Blobbi's piano & english power
i) 3Boys's debating skills
j) Tamarind's chinese power

Perfect 10! Hope I'm not too greedy hor .

Wah if ds really can have the combination of talents above, then all the top sch's principals will come knocking at my door and I'll ask them why I should let ds join their schs, instead of the other way round :lol:

I think need to add one more attribute like obedience or upright... else...

[buds]

tree nymph:

Buds,

really very hard...

For buds_hub too I guess... he can't possibly throw his parents out to the streets as well. In cases like this, it will be wonderful if one has money... though money is root of all evil, it can also solve lots of problems too.

I really hope that he will be able to make a sound and workable arrangement, so that all of you will be happy!

Yes, tree nymph. Really very hard. Very very very hard. Money will solve
a lotta things in this case. So now you see why i say damned if i do and
damned if i don't? It is likewise for him. But it cannot always be me who
is doing the sacrificial act and yet still be seen and taken as the unfilial
evil one right? That i'm the non-understanding and insensitive wife who
doesn't try to understand his endless family troubles? I'm always on the
giving end and frankly i don't see that it has done me anything good,
not that i am asking for any returns... but i don't expect to be treated
shabbily either right? It has been on my expense all this time. He
never stood up for me. Even when he knew i was right...

I suppose saying his wife is right to his mom's face is like an unforgivable
sin.

They do not like staying with BIL as an option cos they cannot get along
with him cordially like we do despite our issues. SIL can't even stand them
at all! She shows her displeasure directly too! MIL had many times told
me she cannot imagine living with SIL cos that woman is impossible to
live with. She'd rather live with us... :roll: And yet she can't even give
me basic courtesy and respect and still have the gall to create so many
problems for me and hubs. It's beyond my understanding reali when it
comes to her. She's one hypocritical person... but only i get to see that.
That's the hard part. She doesn't show it to hubs.