In-law problems?

[Mrs Ang]

janet_lee88:

Hi Mrs Ang,
Husband's parents do not remember my kids' birthdays...never have I seen a red packet for my kids, so I also conveniently forget lah.

I like this! :ugogirl:

[buds]

Mrs Ang:

buds, I can understand how you feel and admire how u can tolerate this for 10 years. I that your ILs will not stay with you. All the best and no matter what happen please be strong.

Thank you Mrs Ang. :snuggles: I pray for the same too. Not that i'm
trying to be a worse daughter in law... if i agree to take them in, i'm
gonna re-live the next 10yrs just like the last which means sacrificing
my happiness all over again despite living in my own place. If i don't
agree, i'd be seen as the horrible daughter in law, which i already am
in the first place. So, it's like damned if i do and damned if i don't.

It would not have been so bad had hubs only observed beyond what
he sees... listened with his heart... believed me for who i represent &
not some evil daughter in law who was out to malign his parents all
the time. To believe me for what i was worth... for what our marriage
was worth... Guess i wasn't worth that much.

It has been a trying and sad journey for me. While i'm reali hoping to
finally see the light at the end of my seemingly long tunnel, i am
scared at the same time at the possibility the unknown will bring.

[buds]

tree nymph:

Can your hubs and your BIL contribute some money for your PIL to buy a flat for them to stay on their own? very jialat if this is the case, reverting back to the original status!!!!!!!!!

We cannot afford to buy them one for all the time we've been financing
their stay with us on top of the other financial issues they bring in as
well. It has been a burden reali. BIL arh? He hardly visits, SIL lagi
absent most times. So wat $? He never contributes even when his folks
have been with us all this while, but we don't blame him cos they've had
$ issues with BIL as well... we can understand. Yup, if this really becomes
an official case, it WILL be reverting back to the original status.

But hubs promised this will be OUR home... oh well, we'll see how won't
we? :scared:

[buds]

LKVM:

If they tag along with u wats the use of u having new home :?

Yes LKVM... no use. It's wasted effort trying so hard to get out of the rut
and all that packing... all that house hunting.. all those promises that
kept me hoping for the last 10yrs...

Actually i am wondering, if i am such a lousy DIL why still wanna live with
me, right? :siao: Aah... :idea: ... cos hubs believes them wholeheartedly
and they think i'm easy to makan that way since the son is ALWAYS on
their side.

[buds]

hquek:

hi buds,


Good luck. I hope you all can find a solution that works and that does not involve you having to stay with them.

I hope so too, hquek. Thank you for your strength. :snuggles:

hquek:

You have gone through 10 very trying years. It's time to take a break.

Yah.. cos kit-kat didn't work.

hquek:

Just kp, can they not apply for those elders studio flats? If they are able, they should stay on their own first. Whatever it is, a break will be good for all around.

They've exhausted all options and not having any retirement plans or
nest, since all this time they've been solely dependent on hubs. Choices
are to rent a space or go stay with BIL for a change. Yes, a break would
be nice.

[buds]

mummy of 2:

Dear buds


Hope all will end well, and that your suffering will come to an end soon. 10 years is a long time, and it's not easy to even get to this stage. Hope your DH will understand and appreciate your scarifices, and DO something about it.

Yes, suffering IS definitely the word. They're hard to see through so
hubs can never understand what i have had to go through. It definitely
wasn't easy to get to this stage... as for hubs appreciating the sacrifices
i honestly don't know. Saying but not believing and showing is really no
use. Actions speak louder than words...

[buds]

duriz:

I'm praying for you Mummy buds :hugs:

Tks, i need all the prayers and good luck charms i can get right now.. :hugs:

[buds]

auntieM:

My goodness! I can imagine loads must be going thru your mind now.. ..

Yes, really a lotta stuff. But trying to keep it cool cos i do not want to
jump to conclusions and make hubs angry. I'm just really tensed cos
time is running out for them. They need a plc to stay asap.

auntieM:

It will really be taxing for you with a new baby and new home.. I too agree that your ILs should look for a place and stay on their own.. Do sit down with your hubby and have a good chat..how can he go back on his words so soon.. Please take good care buds
:hugs:

Unfortunately, they have zero consideration for others auntieM. And they
have given me so many empty promises they never ever kept. It's
beyond sitting down and discussing stage liao, it's already crunch time.
Hubs technically \"has not gone back on his words\" for they're not with
us right now. It's just that there hasn't been an affirmative confirmation
on their living arrangements and it's driving me insane, though i try not
to show it. I will try to take good care of myself, auntieM. Thanks for your
concern and kind thoughts. :hugs:

[RRMummy]

buds:

It would not have been so bad had hubs only observed beyond what

he sees... listened with his heart... believed me for who i represent &
not some evil daughter in law who was out to malign his parents all
the time. To believe me for what i was worth... for what our marriage
was worth... Guess i wasn't worth that much.

It has been a trying and sad journey for me. While i'm reali hoping to
finally see the light at the end of my seemingly long tunnel, i am
scared at the same time at the possibility the unknown will bring.

dear dear buds, you are worrying with your past-tenses... :scared:

please do not lose hope and do not lose faith.. you are worth a lot to us, to your gals, to your parents and during those times he was online, I could tell very very much so to your hubs too.. the pressure from his parents must be really making him not think straight..

hang in there darling. I'm sure the Almighty will carry you through this in time to come...

Tomorrow

Clouds fill the sky;
Your life darkens and the world disappears;
Everything becomes totally meaningless.
- But, as with time, the clouds will pass and
reveal the sun which was there all the time.

As you look into the sunlight, your face
shines again whilst your shadow appears behind you.
The future beckons as you hold out a
nervous and shaking hand.
One step at a time
- One day at a time
Slowly but surely your strength will grow
and slowly but surely life will grow.

There was a time when every day seemed like yesterday
But there will come a time when today greets tomorrow;
When your mirror becomes a window;
It is then that you will see your future
and not reflect on the past.

Have Faith, have Courage and have Hope
for you will survive.

Derek Dobson 2005.

[buds]

RRMummy:

i pray that he will come to his senses soon of the potential damage the strain will cause..

The damage has already been done RRMummy... Lotsa damage to
be honest with you. I couldn't take it anymore really... I had to take a
reprieve away from him to think and reflect on how much i really wanna
fight for what we HAD. He almost lost us three... Like i said before this
is the final opportunity for him already. I will not give him anymore. I
specifically told him that. If he is serious and genuine about being with
us and ensuring our happiness, he WILL this time go all out even if it's
out of his way to make sure we are happy and that he WILL keep his end
of his promises.

RRMummy:

i pray that he will have the courage to stand up for you and your children...

This is very important to me, RRMummy. All this time all he ever stood
up for was his family... especially his mom. I don't deny she has done
a lot for him and his siblings but she has destroyed my marriage and
my respect for her.

RRMummy:

: i pray that you have enough strength and energy to endure this a little more longer...

Honestly, i don't have much anymore... that's why i shared that i am now
pitting all i have left to give him this final chance and all i have is enuf
for that.

RRMummy:

: I pray that you will come out of this 'game' thriumphant.

Triumphant is a BIG word in my situation. I wouldn't mind a small
consolation reali. I can be thankful for life's little things if only it ever
does come my way.

RRMummy:

:Do take good care dear.. :snuggles:

I will try my best. :snuggles:

RRMummy:

:p/s. You've got PM..

Received with thanks and lotsa love.. thank you, my dearest friend. :hugs: