In-law problems?
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I totally salute those who is able to stay with their PIL peacefully under the same roof. There are extremely nice PIL that I’ve heard from friends. So far not many horror stories I have heard from my close friend either.
Years ago, when I had the chance to choose my hdb flats, I wanted to select the one near my PIL, SIL place. My husband was really against my idea. When we bought our car, he warns me not to be a miss nicey nicey & call his mum to bring out for a ride. I am not allowed to meet nor call unless he comes along or okay it.
I dont understand why until I saw her true colors (she’s not staying with us). When we first got married, whenever we go to visit her, as soon as my husband not at my side, PIL starts to attack me verbally. There’s a time when we went to visit her as a family, because she is not able to get her way, she and SIL started to scream at my husband & me in front of our terrified kids. I’ve never been screamed at before so I was shaking as badly as our kids.
We lives in fear for the next few months whenever we went out for dinner. My husband conjunct this scenario "what if while eating, his mum saw us & hurl abusive words loudly in public against us". If that happens, he wants me to grab the kids & walk quickly away while he settle the bill.
SIL apologizes months later when we as a family bravely visit MIL again. MIL talks nicely to me as a gesture to say how sorry she is.
But I guess the damage is done. My kids who witness their outburst are afraid to go to their place again. My ds asked me "Is that daddy’s stepmother?" While my daughter in school, openly discuss & compare about grandmothers among their friends. I’ve since warned her not to do it again.
I find it’s very sad. I can imagine she’s feeling lonely and wanting loves from her four kids. Only issue is that her temperament & her never ending wants makes all her four kids afraid of her. -
[quote]Years ago, when I had the chance to choose my hdb flats, I wanted to select the one near my PIL, SIL place. My husband was really against my idea. When we bought our car, he warns me not to be a miss nicey nicey & call his mum to bring out for a ride. I am not allowed to meet nor call unless he comes along or okay it. [/quote]
Your husband got all the foresight, told you what not to do in order to protect you.
hehe... I was totally against the idea of living anywhere near any of our parents too. That time, already saw those hints of ignoring liao when I was still a gf.
But had suffered from the inconvenience too when we had children as both our parents are living way in the west while we in the central. But all was well worth it, we grew to be alot more independent and took care of our children well.
[quote]When we first got married, whenever we go to visit her, as soon as my husband not at my side, PIL starts to attack me verbally. There's a time when we went to visit her as a family, because she is not able to get her way, she and SIL started to scream at my husband & me in front of our terrified kids. [/quote][quote]SIL apologizes months later when we as a family bravely visit MIL again. MIL talks nicely to me as a gesture to say how sorry she is. [/quote]At least your SIL bothers to apologise, no matter how in/sincere it is.
[quote]I find it's very sad. I can imagine she's feeling lonely and wanting loves from her four kids. Only issue is that her temperament & her never ending wants makes all her four kids afraid of her.[/quote]Same here actually. The family is plagued by endless problems actually and I know she only wants the company of his son just to make her feel better. But it always ends up with HD running away from her bec of the endless grumbles and complaints. Last time, we will try to go half a day (with dinner + shopping/outing together), then now becomes 3 hours (just dinner). And sometimes, he doesn't mind leaving after having dinner and just 1 hour of conversation (all in about 2 hours).
He has told me before that he feels very sad and stressed up when he's with his family. And he feels so carefree and at ease when he's with my parents. He's even planning to go kelong trip with my family again and genting trip with my parents, but when it comes to planning for trips with his family, it's always... err... maybe someday... -
Perhaps it has to do with expectations as parents - many parents probably have this notion that their children will be with them forever. I'm already mentally prepared otherwise.
I suddenly have this very very very weird insane idea that I should filter out those of you here on KSP who are nice + with nice boys, and see if I can matchmake my DD to your boy. This way at least we are more likely to end up happily matched, ILs and all. . . . :idea: Some of the behaviour of parents I've seen in public really scare me (the parents' behaviour, not the kids).
Shessh, what the heck am i thinking.....
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Good Idea!!! :idea:
Maybe we can start a matchmaking agency or something only open to KSP forummers.
Plus all the chinese horoscope matching from the other chat.
hehe... -
pinky:
Dear buds, In x out (opposite)-laws, get it?
Also, for the bad screaming stuff, sarcasm and all things nasty...
IN one ear, OUT the other.. Like the slogan...
\"Only hear the good stuff.\" Hahahaa!
pinky:
Eh, touchwood hor. Dun let history repeat its cycle.We will be MIL and FIL in future so let this be a
learning experience for all of us.
When we are PIL to our child(ren)'s spouses,
be cool only, ok!
Cheers to the future in-laws. (Heheh... we all lah!)
:celebrate: -
EN:
I know the feeling, been there too..I dont understand why until I saw her true colors (she's not staying with us). When we first got married, whenever we go to visit her, as soon as my husband not at my side, PIL starts to attack me verbally. There's a time when we went to visit her as a family, because she is not able to get her way, she and SIL started to scream at my husband & me in front of our terrified kids. I've never been screamed at before so I was shaking as badly as our kids.
We lives in fear for the next few months whenever we went out for dinner. My husband conjunct this scenario \"what if while eating, his mum saw us & hurl abusive words loudly in public against us\". If that happens, he wants me to grab the kids & walk quickly away while he settle the bill..EN:
Ya, damage is the word, EN. Kids being kids, they like to questionBut I guess the damage is done. My kids who witness their outburst are afraid to go to their place again. My ds asked me \"Is that daddy's stepmother?\" While my daughter in school, openly discuss & compare about grandmothers among their friends. I've since warned her not to do it again.
I find it's very sad. I can imagine she's feeling lonely and wanting loves from her four kids. Only issue is that her temperament & her never ending wants makes all her four kids afraid of her.
everything.. I'm glad my kids can feel my sadness inside when
i kena in front of MIL. Didn realise the cud empathise...
They'll be very protective. Hug me very tight and try to pull me inside
the room, hug some more... lie down on the bed together, then the little
one will stroke my hair and massage forehead, going Shh ssh Shh...
relax, relax.. very cute how she displays her empathy..
Elder one will hug me and cry together (if i cry). So many years, my tear
ducts dry up liao. I've passed the aches and crying stage a couple of
years ago. Only tears shed nowadays are happy tears..
Whatever mentioned here is for mere discussion and sharing sake, so
that if there are others out there suffering, you're not alone.
Take it easy, and hang in there. Nobody to talk it out, just come
here and rant... Its hard if its all bottled up. Do share if it makes
you feel better.
Some have it good and smooth sailing.
While others may suffer for a bit..
Unless we go thru the same experiences, we
cannot really understand what others are going
thru'... but having a listening ear might ease the
built up tension.
There's really not much issue of right and wrong.
Everyone has fair share of luck and woe.
Its part of life.
After all that has been said ad done, the experience has matured us,
(me and my family) and made us even stronger as a family - united.
Move forward to a better, happier and more meaningful life ahead...
EN, your hubs sounds like a great guy!
Its nice to hear from you. -
Hey buds,
ok, keep our fingers/toes/eyes cross till then.
In the meantime, be a good daugher-in-law, cheers :celebrate: -
pinky:
Thanks. Dun wori... i have always been very guai (good/well behaved).Hey buds,
ok, keep our fingers/toes/eyes cross till then.
In the meantime, be a good daugher-in-law, cheers :celebrate:
I only suffer from \"internal injuries\" bottling a lot of things inside just
cause i want to maintain the good DIL. It wasn't good for the heart.
But, outside physically... i'm just usually ultra cool.
I shudn't be angry at the world just because this had to happen to me.
All the why.... why... why me.... and the what did i do's.... just wasn't
giving me positive energies i need to live my life. Hence, i've been
pushing myself to find my happiness through positive thinking all this
time and more now after this whole drama is finally over.
I'm the last one standing.
I'm still the one who jaga her.
In sickness and in health...
Till death do us part.
You see, she (MIL) doesn't have a choice either.
She doesn't have anyone else. Heheee!
Here's to me! :celebrate: -
[quote]At least your SIL bothers to apologise, no matter how in/sincere it is. [/quote]
I feel that it is a sincere apologies. However, there's no guarantee history won' t be repeating again. But the poor soul is currently looking after MIL. So, can guess she is extremely stress out. LOL.
Winth, I'm quite envious when I saw my neighbors visits their parents or have their children visits them weekly. Due to MIL temperament, we only meet less than 5 times a year. I did ask my hubby to visit monthly but because we are being screamed at (it was mother's day), he's too scared to visit. When he was young, was always beaten black & blue by his mum. So I can understand how he is afraid to go back. My parents understand how busy life is. If my father don't hear from me long, he will call & start joking around to see how we are. My mum was a working woman. Now that she's retired, she enjoys the quietness at home, resting, watch tv & occassionally, I sent my kids over in the afternoon to accompany her. My parents don't want me to visit weekly or monthly. Suffice to meet when there is an important occassions. My father still works so his precious weekend, he wants time with my mum enjoying their golden age.
Buds, you are sincerely a very patient woman. Persevere & don't dwell upon something that cannot be change. Enjoy the good little things that God has bless you with & I hope your pain will heal.
[quote]EN, your hubs sounds like a great guy!
Its nice to hear from you.[/quote]Must be too much love. Nobody can criticize or scold me. Not even my parents. He will be very defensive if I'm slighted.
Buds, nice to hear from you too. -
Hi Buds,
After reading so much about the \"drama\" issues that happen to you. I always believe very strongly that we cannot be like any of our PIL when we ourselves becomes PIL.
Always welcome our kids and their families with \"open\" heart and a very understanding position to understand them better. :celebrate:
Like yesterday nite was out having dinner with my PIL and MY BIL's Family. In the car my FIL was complaining WHY my son keep asking the same questions over & over again & my FIL gets so irritable abt it. Well I was definitely like this :x and shown my displeasure towards my hubby when the whole dinner things was over. To me kids are kids, they tends to very cusious & ask anything that they want to know.
And worst was stopping my son to do some funny things over dinner table, my MIL start telling my hubby abt me... I totally wanna to scream at my MIL for being total \"KPO\" and always poking into the other people affair when come to disciple our children.
But I would say that you are super cool lor... for enduring all these years. If I am you I will properly go :siao:
I have to :udawoman: to you... super mummy!
LOL
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