In-law problems?

[pecalis]

dolphinsiah and cwc, I'm not that noble, just tt my mil is a wonderful mil - she never imposes her idea onto me, maybe just gently encourage. She is selfless and serves all of us well. So when she was at her lowest, I gladly took on the responsibility to care for her as I also know she'll cooperate. In fact, if it were my own mum, I'll probably think 2x as she's stubborn and will not follow dr's instructions. Having said all these, I actually have no place in this thread but do come here to read to know what fellow women are struggling - in fact, I told my mil about some the struggles shared here and told her I'm so thankful for my situation. Very often, I think I am the bad dil as I'm quite quick with my words and very loud when it comes to scolding or disciplining my kids. It probably stress my pils a lot since we moved in with them 2 yrs ago


But again, my mum has agreed to help me with my confinement for my 4th child, even though I know she isn't tt comfortable to stay over at my ils' So, no matter what struggles or disagreement I may have with my mum, she's still my mum and I know she still loves me And I believe tt if she needs my help in the near future, she'll not be rejected or neglected.

[BeContented]

jedamum:

Hi Chinchin,

I am more traditional. Wife of the eldest son or wives of sons, should be more devoted to the husband's family in such times of needs. However, I empathise with your situation because of your MIL's selfishness.

Hi Jedamum,
No offense.....but personally, I feel that it is this kind of expectation set upon the wives of eldest son or sons that makes things extra difficult. Every family has their own lives to lead, every family member should do their part in whichever way they can contribute. While I do think the eldest probably has more to do......there must be some form of balance.
And this is precisely why we end up in this IN-LAW thread.....feeling of injustice.

To me, ALL the children have a responsibility to his or her own parents...be it son or daughter. I will expect more from my own children than my daughter-in-law or son-in-law....won't you?
While you feel that the eldest Sister-IL is being selfish, she on her end will probably feel likewise. Read the other threads, you will also see the Sisters-IL questioning why the own children are not doing their part and instead expecting the Sisters-IL to do it. It is common. There will never be an end....no solution....:(

Guess it's because I am a DIL hence we probably would be holding opposite views.......

[jedamum]

cwc:

jedamum:

Hi Chinchin,

I am more traditional. Wife of the eldest son or wives of sons, should be more devoted to the husband's family in such times of needs. However, I empathise with your situation because of your MIL's selfishness.

Hi Jedamum,
No offense.....but personally, I feel that it is this kind of expectation set upon the wives of eldest son or sons that makes things extra difficult. Every family has their own lives to lead, every family member should do their part in whichever way they can contribute. While I do think the eldest probably has more to do......there must be some form of balance.
And this is precisely why we end up in this IN-LAW thread.....feeling of injustice.

To me, ALL the children have a responsibility to his or her own parents...be it son or daughter. I will expect more from my own children than my daughter-in-law or son-in-law....won't you?
While you feel that the eldest Sister-IL is being selfish, she on her end will probably feel likewise. Read the other threads, you will also see the Sisters-IL questioning why the own children are not doing their part and instead expecting the Sisters-IL to do it. It is common. There will never be an end....no solution....:(

Guess it's because I am a DIL hence we probably would be holding opposite views.......

cwc,
No offense taken. In any case, you are very polite.
Yes, everyone has their side of the story. What pissed me is that no initiative has been taken to solve problem on their side. When being proposed about cost sharing to get external help, fingers point back to me on why I am not helping. I am not angry at my SIL. I am actually on better terms with her than with the bro. This is probably the straw that broke the camel's back as there are other factors that made me lose the respect i used to have for him.
While I agree that ALL children has responsibility towards their parents, married daughters have to seek their husband's understanding in such instances while daughter in laws will have their husband's consent (being the husband's parents) and they need to overcome their own unwillingness. To this question I have asked myself numerous times, what duties come first, duties as a wife, as a mother or as a child?

[jedamum]

cwc:

Read the other threads, you will also see the Sisters-IL questioning why the own children are not doing their part and instead expecting the Sisters-IL to do it. It is common. There will never be an end....no solution....:(


Guess it's because I am a DIL hence we probably would be holding opposite views.......

hahaha...agree...should have a separate SIL thread to rant about too. I admit that I am not a very good SIL because my mum is easily pushed over and I at times play my part of a evil SIL for the interest of my mum. :nunchuk:
evil....evil....

[janet88]

cwc:

jedamum:

Hi Chinchin,

I am more traditional. Wife of the eldest son or wives of sons, should be more devoted to the husband's family in such times of needs. However, I empathise with your situation because of your MIL's selfishness.

Hi Jedamum,
No offense.....but personally, I feel that it is this kind of expectation set upon the wives of eldest son or sons that makes things extra difficult. Every family has their own lives to lead, every family member should do their part in whichever way they can contribute. To me, ALL the children have a responsibility to his or her own parents...be it son or daughter. I will expect more from my own children than my daughter-in-law or son-in-law....won't you?

Guess it's because I am a DIL hence we probably would be holding opposite views.......

The children should be the ones looking after their parents...if the daughter-in-law is expected to look after the PILs, there will be some unhappiness and resentment.

[LOLMum]

janet_lee88:

cwc:

[quote=\"jedamum\"]Hi Chinchin,

I am more traditional. Wife of the eldest son or wives of sons, should be more devoted to the husband's family in such times of needs. However, I empathise with your situation because of your MIL's selfishness.

Hi Jedamum,
No offense.....but personally, I feel that it is this kind of expectation set upon the wives of eldest son or sons that makes things extra difficult. Every family has their own lives to lead, every family member should do their part in whichever way they can contribute. To me, ALL the children have a responsibility to his or her own parents...be it son or daughter. I will expect more from my own children than my daughter-in-law or son-in-law....won't you?

Guess it's because I am a DIL hence we probably would be holding opposite views.......

The children should be the ones looking after their parents...if the daughter-in-law is expected to look after the PILs, there will be some unhappiness and resentment.[/quote]
likewise, the sons would feel resentful having to contribute to his pils' upkeeping or even looking after them too. it would be worse if the wife is a sahm.

[BeContented]

janet_lee88:

The children should be the ones looking after their parents...if the daughter-in-law is expected to look after the PILs, there will be some unhappiness and resentment.

I feel that if all own children contribute, it helps. Normally the resentment from DIL stems from the fact that they are loaded with the responsibilities & expected to take on unconditionally. If the children are not involved, it's very unfair to the DIL & family. We need to put ourselves in the shoes of both being a daughter & a DIL.

LOLMum:

likewise, the sons would feel resentful having to contribute to his pils' upkeeping or even looking after them too. it would be worse if the wife is a sahm.

Hmmmm, as a previously working person, I think the sons will have to somewhat change their mindset. If it was a mutual agreement to have one become sahm, with PILs who are understanding, accommodate & do not expect as much as before (if situation permits), the son should not be resentful.
We gave up our financial independence for the good of our family and that is not equal to dumping our parents. If the wife's parents still require financial help & hubby not willing, perhaps we should not quit then. Our children & parents both need us. Perhaps I'm not as tradition, while I will try to place a slightly higher priority for my hubby's interest/family, there is a limit. My own parents are equally important, not just his.

[BeContented]

Hee hee....now a bad SIL


I am going out to enjoy......MIL took leave to help take care grandchildren ..... I find it too noisy at home ...... going in search for another haven - library and Popular Anyway, since MIL always claims it's very EASY, my help not needed right?!?!?! :evil:

[janet88]

I just heard from hubby his parents are returning next Tue, after eating 3 months of potatoes. She must have missed eating the economy rice downstairs. Asked hubby why his mother doesn’t want to extend another 3 months since the daughter’s 2 sons are still so small…he said she can’t take it anymore.

[LOLMum]

hi janet_lee88,


i think she miss you :evil: :rotflmao: