In-law problems?
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Chenonceau:
Hi Chen,
Hi Annamom, here are the links to my posts...annamom:
Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.
Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.
I don't fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don't think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.
Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week's time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=579480#p579480
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=577224#p577224
Hope they help!!
BUT Where were you when I needed this advice the most???
Oh, forgot - you were waging your own war. :salute:
This is problem solving at its best , if ya ask me
Seriously, I benefit from this post- It makes me pause and choose my battles even in other relationship.
:hugs:
So a big :thankyou: - albeit its delayed. -
Sun_2010:
Hi Chen,
Hi Annamom, here are the links to my posts...Chenonceau:
[quote=\"annamom\"]Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.
Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.
I don't fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don't think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.
Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week's time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=579480#p579480
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=577224#p577224
Hope they help!!
BUT Where were you when I needed this advice the most???
Oh, forgot - you were waging your own war. :salute:
This is problem solving at its best , if ya ask me
Seriously, I benefit from this post- It makes me pause and choose my battles even in other relationship.
:hugs:
So a big :thankyou: - albeit its delayed.[/quote]Kekekekekeke! Arise DIL of the world! And conquer with gentleness... -
Dear all the ELDERs....
me again wanted to get advise, am trying to do my part as a good DIL but my action is overlook by my MIL as a scheming part. She give me a black facie whenever i greet her (well, try to act like 'doesnt matter for me....') but the part which i cant bear is she is trying to overrule me decision on my kids... which i can not stand.
What should i do? Argument No...No... but for me to hold my horse firm is 'very' difficult... -
racoon12:
You need to control yourself. Keep on greeting her and being nice. Your husband must see you as the \"wronged one\", not her. I had to put up with 2 years of her over-ruling me before I succeeded in gaining enough trust from my husband to get her out of my house. Then, when I got to do things with my kids MY WAY, I turned in results... DD went from bottom 25% to top 5%. After that, my husband agreed with everything I wanted vis-a-vis the kids.Dear all the ELDERs....
me again wanted to get advise, am trying to do my part as a good DIL but my action is overlook by my MIL as a scheming part. She give me a black facie whenever i greet her (well, try to act like 'doesnt matter for me....') but the part which i cant bear is she is trying to overrule me decision on my kids... which i can not stand.
What should i do? Argument No...No... but for me to hold my horse firm is 'very' difficult...
It's competition. So you gotta BE BETTER. I've never looked away from competition. -
Thank you for the link Chenonceau, I have read and am digesting the information.
I see MIL once a week and simply cannot imagine if I have to see her every single day of my life.
Seriously, to love her will take great strength and I do not know if I have that in me.
Thank you for your words of wisdom and I will try to be cool as suggested in your point 6. -
Chenonceau,
thank you so much for the enlightenment… I cant stop myself to loathe my MIL. So must think of a way to act natural in front of everybody in order to get to my final destination … GET HER OUT OF MY WAY AND MY HOUSE…
Right now i am applying for a non-paid leave for 2 weeks and serve as a holiday period for my MIL. Reason is to let my boi having his SA2 peacefully. I can see that my MIL is starting her antics again… haiz… -
It may sound scheming but sometimes, must do what teochews call zhor ngia kueh(put up a good show) and make sure the hubby knows it. Whether the IL appreciates the act, is not the main point. Main point is the hubby sees your effort.
For those of us who see our ILs only once a week, there is no need to get so wound up. It is afterall only for the few hours, what they say, all those snide remarks one ear in the other ear out. Whatever advise they wanna give just listen and nod, afterall when you get home, it is your choice what you want to do. Let them fawn over your kids, that little bit of pampering and upset to your routine is not going to turn them into little monsters. Have more faith in your own parenting.
And I learned, over the years. If you understand your IL’s background, you will know why they behave as such and maybe, you will find yourself more tolerant of their behaviour.
You cannot directly control other people’s behaviour or reactions. But you are in control of your own responses, whether to let their behaviour affect you and take over your mood or let it all slide off you.
And when things do get to you, and it will cos we are human afterall, vent all you want at KSP and with your friends about your ILs but never to your hubby. Once you vent, let go, move on. -
Funz:
It may sound scheming but sometimes, must do what teochews call zhor ngia kueh(put up a good show) and make sure the hubby knows it. Whether the IL appreciates the act, is not the main point. Main point is the hubby sees your effort.
Agree.Funz:
I learnt it the hard way.....yes, vent to DH about ILs (esp. MIL) & most likely we will lose the battle.And when things do get to you, and it will cos we are human afterall, vent all you want at KSP and with your friends about your ILs but never to your hubby. Once you vent, let go, move on.
Used to kena from DH (disbelieve, fedup with me instead, etc) & we argue a lot over it. Tho smarter & complain less now (sometimes still can't help it) but seems like complain less and he 'SEE more'....well at least for my case. Sometimes, he would surprised me and voice out to MIL before I do :evil: -
racoon12:
All the best!! If it is any comfort, it gets easier for a few reasons...Chenonceau,
thank you so much for the enlightenment.... I cant stop myself to loathe my MIL.
(1) Your husband takes your side so you feel less stressed...
(2) You feel that you have the higher moral ground and begin to see her petty efforts for what they are - petty
(3) The relationship does actually improve
(4) You genuinely begin to understand her and indulge her
But then again, once in a while you have a really EVIL one. There are those that nothing can help except long distance. -
Funz,
My MIL is someone who is being bullied by her own MIL (this is what she claimed) but i dun understand why she need to become so evil to her two DIL. Disharmonised in the family is what she is causing and she is throwing the blame to DIL. What i realised is she is only good at wayang, for she is TEOCHEW (sorry, nt blaming ppl at the said race)…
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