In-law problems?

[BeContented]

buds:

BeContented:

:hi5: I can relate to this. I also snack before heading MIL home for dinner last time. She would ask how come I eat sooooooo little DH kept quiet Sometimes it's not just leaving food outside for soooo long, it's the same food eaten over days!!


MIL do not wash their butter knife (for butter, jam, mayonaise etc). They would use and place it back into fridge on top of the magarine tub repeated.
Raw food can be placed next to it uncovered..... Tried telling her to change that bad habit, no use. So I wash it everytime before using and instructed maid to wash before using it for my kids. When MIL came to stay with us, she insisted on her way. I refused to bulge....open fridge see it there, I took it out. She would put back, I will take out....then she can't find in fridge, put back again.... After a while, she gave up

If you :yikes: bulged :yikes: , she would've seen your point much faster.

:siam:

:oops: yes teacher :salute:

[buds]

Next time just bulge. :politebleah:

[buds]

It won't be rude.


You didn't say any harsh words.
Just a :shock: look on your face nia.

[janet88]

verykiasumummy:

janet_lee88:

The 2 old ones eat economy rice from downstairs...both sharing one box of food. No difference from Thai workers who stinge on food so as to buy liquor.
If they have health problems, that is going to be a BIG issue bcos money is involved.

when it comes to money issue, dun they have other kids to share the burden?

Youngest son is paying the most to upkeep them...although he is unpleasant, it is unfair he is paying so much monthly...this fella doesn't have kids but the amt is substantial. He gives the lump sum to the mother and she assumes the entire amt is HERS. But that is for food, telephone and PUB. Then the father will call hubby to ask for money. Rest of kids also contribute but not as much.

Old one refuses to cook...she is haggard and weak from malnutrition...preferring to smoke. She refuses to listen to anyone.

[SAHM Chew]

Last time, our relationship is quite ok.


And there are differences in teaching my kids. Until last yr, while i am discipling my DS1, she came up to me n scolded me crazy :siao: .... N said that i shld not discipline my kids (i cane my kids when they r naughty), n started interfering. I am so :mad: that i almost wanted to move away, but while packing my barang barang n 3 kids barang barang, i realised that i could not leave with so many things. Even DH volunteer to send me to my dad's place.

After that, we had cold war, and i told my DH, less communication, less conflict. Poor DH. But now, mil started to use my kids to provoke me.... Knowing that i will be unhappy..... :yikes: my poor kids :sad:

[tutormum]

BeContented:

verykiasumummy:

no point changing in laws.. they are already old and nothing u do will change their minds... i would rather try to change dh's mindset... it would be easier...


my mil knows i wun eat if i caught her leaving food on the table without covering them... she used to cook more during lunch and leave the food on the table all the way till dinner...

because of that, i always take a snack or eat with colleague before going back... this will ensure i wun hv to depend on the food \"quality\" that is made for the dinner...

:hi5: I can relate to this. I also snack before heading MIL home for dinner last time. She would ask how come I eat sooooooo little DH kept quiet
Sometimes it's not just leaving food outside for soooo long, it's the same food eaten over days!!

MIL do not wash their butter knife (for butter, jam, mayonaise etc). They would use and place it back into fridge on top of the magarine tub repeated.
Raw food can be placed next to it uncovered..... Tried telling her to change that bad habit, no use. So I wash it everytime before using and instructed maid to wash before using it for my kids. When MIL came to stay with us, she insisted on her way. I refused to bulge....open fridge see it there, I took it out. She would put back, I will take out....then she can't find in fridge, put back again.... After a while, she gave up

I thought my DH is the only one doing that. You are fortunate that your MIL gave up, I can't see the day my DH would stop doing it. :frustrated: The butter from the knife would smear the fridge making it oily. :sick: All my pleas fall on deaf ears so much so that I have given up.

Thank God my DSs know that it's wrong and don't learn from their father. I have to wash up after him cos he's not thorough and does things haphazardly. Imagine e.g. after he has washed the pot he used for cooking noodles, I can find one or two tiny strands sticking to the side of the pot. :?: :?: DS1 is so fed up that he has his very own personal pot and keeps it in his room. DH's will use any cup he can lay his hands on and conveniently leave it around the house. Every day I've to go around the house collecting cups to wash - including the toilets. Everyone of us keep our personal cups from DH or he'll use them, leaving us with no cup. :slapshead: :slapshead:

[contentedSAHM]

hi, am new here, just wanted to air my frustrations too !


recently sil wanted to bring mil for holiday, DH (always being the best big bro) paid for mil's holiday expenses. I told mil that for the hol she is gg with sil, all expenses will be paid by DH. FYI, I told her in a polite and respectable manner, you know what she replied me. 这是应该的! I was so boiling mad but kept it under control ! Not even a word of thanks or a smile to my DH or ask why is he paying when my sil can well afford it anyway ! Pissed me off really !

I am sometimes so sick of DH being the kind one giving and giving and my in-laws just keep taking and taking. I am not asking for monetary returns, at least small kind gestures for my kids and at least my DH ? My best fren told me not to fret as long as DH doesnt stinge on my kids and I but I just feel very irritated sometimes... I cant tell DH cos he will think i am so petty....sorry just need to air my frustrations somewhere...thanks for bearing with me

[janet88]

No worries, contentedSAHM.

I have an idiotic SIL too…so I understand completely where you are coming from. That sister of his literally climbs on top of his head.

[MMM]

contentedSAHM:

I told mil that for the hol she is gg with sil, all expenses will be paid by DH. FYI, I told her in a polite and respectable manner, you know what she replied me. 这是应该的! I was so boiling mad but kept it under control ! Not even a word of thanks or a smile to my DH or ask why is he paying when my sil can well afford it anyway ! Pissed me off really !

Actually depends on how you look at it. One of my sils will bring my pils for holidays. DH will volunteer to pay for it. Sil's DH can well afford it and he will reject it but DH will always offer to pay since they are his parents. In addition, when we went on a family trip with sil, pils and my parents, sil's dh offered to pay for my pils to reduce my dh's load. But of course, DH declined. I feel that to me, he feel that it is his responsibility to do so as he is the only son.

We manage our finances seperately and in our case, I don't really bother what he offers to pay for his parents. Eg. his sisters and him wanted to buy those special bed for mil for her birthday.... It cost $4k+. Subsequently, pil and dh felt that since the bed is at our house, it's not nice to ask sils to pay.... So he told them he will bear it. But they all felt that they all agreed that it's a present and they are all ready to offer their share. In the end, he accepted. I am the only child, similarly I have certain commitment to my parents that he will not bother as well. So this arrangement works well for us....

I think my point is that it really depends on your sil's family as in how generous they are with your mil. On the other hand, I personally don't think it's necessary to tell your mil that your dh is paying for it. Maybe it sounded like you are \"advertising\" for your DH's filial piety but seriously if she has been a good mum, she deserves such treatment. Should my ds pay for our holidays next time, I think we deserve it and he should do it. Maybe your mil thinks that way and hence the reaction.

No offence cool it as I just want to offer a neutral view.

[bebe]

contentedSAHM:

hi, am new here, just wanted to air my frustrations too !


recently sil wanted to bring mil for holiday, DH (always being the best big bro) paid for mil's holiday expenses. I told mil that for the hol she is gg with sil, all expenses will be paid by DH. FYI, I told her in a polite and respectable manner, you know what she replied me. 这是应该的! I was so boiling mad but kept it under control ! Not even a word of thanks or a smile to my DH or ask why is he paying when my sil can well afford it anyway ! Pissed me off really !

I am sometimes so sick of DH being the kind one giving and giving and my in-laws just keep taking and taking. I am not asking for monetary returns, at least small kind gestures for my kids and at least my DH ? My best fren told me not to fret as long as DH doesnt stinge on my kids and I but I just feel very irritated sometimes... I cant tell DH cos he will think i am so petty....sorry just need to air my frustrations somewhere...thanks for bearing with me

I am the one who has to remind dh to pay..cos PILs will always expect him to pay, and if he does not, mil will come after him and I hate the feeling of owing $$ esp when MIL has no EQ when come to asking $$

anyway I learnt my lesson, I will not ask how much he give them..the lesser I know..the less heartpain I will get

I am SAHM, so I know every $$ counts in the family. And sometimes I do feel \"unbalanced\" as I hardly bring my kids or my own mum overseas..and PILs always \"conveniently\" tag along with SILs, and we do not even have a say in the budget cos the \"expectation\" to pay is already in their mind. Once I let it out to DH, and he said I shd not be complaining, instead I shd be grateful that SILs agreed to bring them..it will be more jialat for us to bring his folks with us..treat it as \"spend money to reduce stress\"