In-law problems?
-
jawcee74:
I can understand where you're coming from... FULLY.Hi buds,
Thanks for sharing the same emotion. The reason behind on why my girl went to the hospital was due to MIL spending too much time taking care on her first GRANDSON...
And to my MIL, infant having fever is ok... :x
I think even till i die, I will never forgive/forget...this!!!!!
Its hard to forget, what more forgive...
In time, it will be a past memory...
not so much angst,
hatred or grudge..
Cos that's what i told myself then..
During my roughest patch..
Its in a distant memory now.
Thank God for that.
Forgive? Hmmmm... dunno yet.
Heheh! Can like dat? :lol: :lol:
Well jawcee74,
Share with you another one with regards to health concerns..
My daughter inherited asthma from my hub's side of the family.
Hence, she's sensitive to the very minutest stuff like dirty air, smoke,
dust (can you imagine!) and allergic to many types of food while growing
up. So, tho i'm ok with not 100% clean environment kind (so as not to
manja her with ultra clean living space-in case it will pose poblems in
future), i do dislike if she gets sick, esp for no reason or for some obvious
reason. This is another episode of my 10yr drama, hahaa!
MIL used to rear a cat as a pet. I have briefed hubs on not letting baby
go near the cat at all times cos i dun want her to fall sick. We were abt
to go out when i had a call. So i told him to mind the baby awhile... and
check her diaper, cos i smelt some \"baking\" in progress. To my dismay,
(and horror) when i came back from answering the call, i found hubs
outside waiting for me, without baby!
I asked him where's the baby? He said with mum.
Where's mum? In the room, he replied..
So, go get her lah.. Wait, mum changing diaper for her.
Wait a minute... change diaper in whose room?
Her room...
That very minute i glimpsed upon the door to her room which was left
ajar and you wouldnt believe what i saw.. Baby was on her bed where
the smelly cat slept, (poo-ed and pee-ed too) with the cats tail wagging
and stroking her face! I went in, picked up baby and went out. Took
baby wipes and wiped her face, hands, hair, and the dress that she was
wearing which was full with cat fur (which i eventually gave up wiping
off - just changed into another clean dress). Baby started to sneeze non-
stop while i was in the midst of changing her. And her eyes started to go
watery red...
All this time maintaining my cool. Boy, that was hard.. I was abt to blow
my top. I composed myself, and told her in a crackling voice... Mum, i've
told you before... she is sensitive to pet fur/feathers and i personally
requested you not to plc her anywhere near the cat and i thought since
you had all 3 sons with asthma when they were growing up, you would
understand... Why did you have to change her on the bed beside the cat,
mum... Her stoic reply?
\"Well, i took care of 3 sons all with asthma. They didn't... die.\"
\"I ate more salt than you, so you dun hafta teach me abt raising
children. I know better...\"
[No emoticon can best describe what i felt (here)... ]
I was on urgent leave for 3 days caring for baby who went down
with severe bronchitis and high fever. All the time her nose runny and
never had peaceful sleep throughout the 3 days, not able to breathe
properly. So i didn get any sleep either, of course...
The first night of her high fever, was the first time i had to
put her to the nebulizer. My heart ached as the baby cried..
and cried and cried... God help me..
Hubs, knowing how distraught i was.... went quiet.
We didn speak for the 3 days. That catty incident
NEVER happened again. God HELPED me. Amen.
-
sashimi:
For the record, i really DID feel terribly insulted.
:x :x :x :x :x This is pure evil!! I've heard this scenario described by many mothers and it always pisses me off. I absolutely detest MILs who DARE say such a thing to a mother. What an utter insult! How can anyone who's ever been a mother say such a thing to another mother! Preposterous! You have my complete sympathy, buds.buds:
When baby was able to return home, i started to try nursing her.
Being a 1st time mum, i had some challenges getting baby to latch
on. At this, MIL retorted, the baby doesn't like your milk. Give her to
me, i'll do the feeding - with the bottle. You're starving the baby to death.
My poor grandchild.
-
[quote]Phew! my husband don't have sisters to give me SIL problems. I wonder if i am a troublesome SIL to my own SIL - anyway we seldom chat and i only great her as 'hi' cos it's really weird to address her as 'Big Sis-in Law' when she is younger than me....[/quote]
Think to speak from a SIL's shoes, I would like my SIL to just treat me slightly more visible and keep ill-comments to self. Just a normal 'hi' would do.
She was ultra nice to me first few years when I was introduced into the family as gf, but it's all very pretentious type. So dunno when the relationship deterioriated to such extent.
Anyway, she got married liao... has got a SIL and a MIL to deal with her too... haha...
and am just starting to hear some complaints.
Like what my DH likes use this term: 'The boomerang effect' to describe karma - cause & effect. -
winth:
[quote]Phew! my husband don't have sisters to give me SIL problems. I wonder if i am a troublesome SIL to my own SIL - anyway we seldom chat and i only great her as 'hi' cos it's really weird to address her as 'Big Sis-in Law' when she is younger than me....
Think to speak from a SIL's shoes, I would like my SIL to just treat me slightly more visible and keep ill-comments to self. Just a normal 'hi' would do.
She was ultra nice to me first few years when I was introduced into the family as gf, but it's all very pretentious type. So dunno when the relationship deterioriated to such extent.
Anyway, she got married liao... has got a SIL and a MIL to deal with her too... haha...
and am just starting to hear some complaints.
Like what my DH likes use this term: 'The boomerang effect' to describe karma - cause & effect.[/quote]\"Boomerang effect\" ... hmmm... i like how you say that.
I'm used to karma and retribution, boomerang effect - sounds
fancy! I'll borrow that phrase sometime.. hope u dun mind.
-
I always joke that in-laws should be label as out-laws bec
rarely do we hear good things about them, isnβt it? My hubby has 13 siblings and multiply that with their children,
you are looking at a whole busload of people with varying characters. I cope by taking a friendly stance to everyone
and keep whatever opinion to myself.
So far so good we meet every weekend and go dinner/shopping
or even tour together. Anyway my stand is
they are part of your family
too so like it or not, just do your part and whatever will be will be.
Life is too short so relax and go with the flow. -
pinky:
Outlaws?I always joke that in-laws should be label as out-laws bec
rarely do we hear good things about them, isn't it? pinky:
13!?! Ooooh laa laa! Hehee!My hubby has 13 siblings and multiply that with their children, you are looking at a whole busload of people with varying characters. I cope by taking a friendly stance to everyone
and keep whatever opinion to myself.
Ya, if there isn't any animosity to begin with... good.
Can just be cordial to everyone as and when during meet up.
Must always be one big gathering.pinky:
Yup, yup, yup. Ditto that!Life is too short so relax and go with the flow.
-
Errr.... I have a different story to tell leh. :oops:
I think I will not do my mil justice if I don't sing her praises here... Incredibly blessed...yes... my mil is one of the most pleasant women I can live with (easier to live with than my own mother)...
Actually, our conviction is that a couple should live on their own once they are married - guess it will minimise lots of conflicts - but my husband is the only son among his sisters and mil is a widow - so we have, but to live under one roof. It turns out to be a blessing indeed.She helps out with the housework and cooking. In fact, she is the chief chef .. gladly hand over the kitchen territory for her to take charge la...
It helps a lot as my husband takes his stand as the HEAD of the family and my mil is traditional and submissive to authority. Think , before our marriage, he did set some ground rules with her which went something like this -
*Thou shall not interfere with the upbringing of our children
*Thou shall not expect the dil to serve mil or sil like in the olden days
*Thou shall not interfere in the discipline of our children or take their
sides when they are being punished
* Thou shall only watch tv in the bedroom or when kids are not at home
Anyway, when expectations are spelt out at the beginning, conflicts are minimised. I did my part too by learning her dialect and communicating with her in the dialect. Hey, I'm now more proficient in Cantonese than my own Hokkien dialect. I will praise her cooking. We watch Cantonese serials together and go for cantonese opera too.. It's a good thing I like those activities too... in fact, my sils don't like watching cantonese operas.
Guess, both our characters also play a part in the relationship and communication process. Both of us are easy-going. She has a gentle and quiet spirit. She is a sacrificial mother and caring grandma who is adored by all her grandchildren.
She has shared with me how her mil used to ill-treat her (stories quite the same as some of yours) and well, thank God, resolves to be different.
Actually, all my sisters get along well with their mil too. My mother often comments how fortunate we are. She is one of those who has problems with my grandma and aunts.
You may not believe it, during CNY gatherings and birthday celebrations, all of our mils will come along for a good time together. :lol: -
csc:
Actually, our conviction is that a couple should live on their own once they are married - guess it will minimise lots of conflicts - but my husband is the only son among his sisters and mil is a widow - so we have, but to live under one roof. It turns out to be a blessing indeed.She helps out with the housework and cooking. In fact, she is the chief chef .. gladly hand over the kitchen territory for her to take charge la...
That was MY conviction too..
Alas didn't have a choice.
And just like how i wud like to take
care of my own parents shud the need
arise, i wanted to do the same for my in-laws,
also as respect for my husband and his family.
Plus both of us are the eldest in our families...
And errrmmmm... i'm the chef of the house.
And yet....
My MIL doesn do housework. So i do it. FIL helps out a lot too.
And yet...csc:
Wow. Wow. Wow.It helps a lot as my husband takes his stand as the HEAD of the family and my mil is traditional and submissive to authority. Think , before our marriage, he did set some ground rules with her which went something like this -
*Thou shall not interfere with the upbringing of our children
*Thou shall not expect the dil to serve mil or sil like in the olden days
*Thou shall not interfere in the discipline of our children or take their
sides when they are being punished
* Thou shall only watch tv in the bedroom or when kids are not at home...
He's the MAN. csc.
Lucky you. Hubs has foresight.. csc:
On the occasions she does cook, i praise her too and give her someI will praise her cooking. We watch Cantonese serials together and go for cantonese opera too.. It's a good thing I like those activities too... in fact, my sils don't like watching cantonese operas....
delight when i ask she teach me the wonderful hand downed recipe.
I try to do stuff she likes, like watch Korean dramas... bring her for
foot reflex... treat her to movies... nice makan in restaurants... when
i worked i gave her money (on top of what hubs gives)... but yet......
10yrs being married, i tried almost everything.
Its hard to be good enough for her.
That being said, she has toned down a LOT.
Less aggressive. Less bad mouthing. Less of a lotta things.
Mebbe cos she received another DIL who has talk-to-the-hand
attitude, she has seen the light??? Wuakahkahkah! :lol: :lol:csc:
Me too.. She was ill treated big time.She has shared with me how her mil used to ill-treat her and well, thank God, resolves to be different.....
FIL and hubs confirmed that..
But definitely not resolving to be different.
More on taking out the grudge on me...
csc:
Us too. My parents and my SIL's parent's and siblings will come along..You may not believe it, during CNY gatherings and birthday celebrations, all of our mils will come along for a good time together. :lol:
During these times, its mostly pretentious candour. But, i'm proud that
my parents are the respectable people that they are. Not even once do
they show any sign of dislike of any kind... SIL's side too. Even though
they all know what goes behind our closed doors.
Thanks to our (mine and SIL) magnanimous parents, their wisdom and
emotional support, we have till today maintained our sanity and keep
our marriage to the sons happily.
Hubs now understands all the struggles i had to go thru and has made
firm with his stand (whenever the need arises-without prompting...hehee)
without any bias-ness. He has many times expressed his love and
gratitude for bearing with his family issues over the years.
An exerpt, from hubs thank you speech... ( Wuahahahaa!! :lol: )
\"I know it has been hard for/on you.. yet you put up with everything
anyways. Tho i've not said this before, i'm happy i married you cos
i don't think any other woman wud've been able to do what you do,
being a good wife to me and good DIL to my parents, challenging as it
may... taking charge of the entire household and yet still have time to be
the best mum and teacher to our girls... till today...\"
Late as it may, for the light at the end of the tunnel... it did come...
FINALLY TOO... (Not sure how long i cud hold out anymore)
And now, I have benefitted from having a more thoughtful and loving
husband, who never fails to appreciate even the littlest things...
Now... i hope i get that coolest spot in Eden. (heaven)
-
[quote]\"Boomerang effect\" ... hmmm... i like how you say that.
I'm used to karma and retribution, boomerang effect - sounds
fancy! I'll borrow that phrase sometime.. hope u dun mind.[/quote]No problem at all! It's good to know someone likes it.
[quote]You may not believe it, during CNY gatherings and birthday celebrations, all of our mils will come along for a good time together. [/quote]Hi csc, I'm really happy that you have got good MIL and I have seen good MIL too. My friend had too, and she told me that she can talk to her MIL whole day. But one strange thing that I realised, those good MIL stories that I've heard are usually very soft-spoken ladies and they tend the housechores really well. Dunno coincidence or wat.
Talking about this year's CNY, my in-laws and MIL's 2 other sisters along with their families went for a group trip together to Cameron Highlands.
It wasn't one of the places that I would like to go if given a choice as I've been there before when I was alot younger and it was a screwed-up trip then that gave me phobia for eating corn for my life. Vomited nothing but corn only, so after that, really feared the smell of corn.
I thought it might be a good chance that we could go together (and our first time too) to go in such a huge group (20 of us). And most importantly, my SIL is going for her honeymoon, so she wasn't in the trip. But I had to sacrifice the CNY (cos my family get-together is only on Day 1 of CNY, and my family only meets up their once-in-a-year relatives on Day 1, so I knew I couldn't meet my relatives that year).
I regretted my decision almost immediately.
Even before the trip, she told DH that Day 1 when we just come back from Cameron, can go home rest. Day 2, dinner's gonna be at her house and we need to come back to have dinner with all the her side's relatives (my FIL's family already outcast by her liao). DH told her that I'll need to go visit my parents and have dinner there. But MIL was like didn't hear it or wat. She repeated herself and said Day 1 can don't need to come her house bec just came back from the trip. Day 2 come her house for dinner bec his sis is coming back home for dinner that night after his sis spends Day 1 in her in-law's house for dinner liao. I was like :x, you mean I got no parents is it? SIL come back to her own parents, then you mean I cannot go back to my own parents??? :x :x :x
Wah, deep down I was fuming inside. But was lucky, my husband had the final say and he said that WE ARE going to MY parents' place for dinner but we'll make a short trip to his parents' place just to ζεΉ΄.
Anyway, the trip was horrendous, both my boys vomited like never before (just like how I vomited when I went there too). I had to tend for them. DS2 was already having fever a day before the trip, and after the vomit, his fever shot up high 39 degrees. Like before, I was invisible to my PILs. They offered no help. My DH and I had to clean up the children while on the bus, risking vomiting ourselves.
You know who came to our help? My MIL's big sister & 3rd sister were there to help, they had vomited too, but one offered the thermometer, another offered to carry and change their clothes. My cousins-in-law offered medicine to bring down the boy's fever should it shoot up to 40 degrees.
When the bus stopped, my MIL was busy with her luggage and bringing out the sweater for herself, while my boys were naked then when we had to fumble the luggage for their clothes. The agent was not helpful too. When we asked if we could go to the hotel for clothes' change first, he had lied to us that our hotel was very far away and we just had to go for dinner and night market first before we could book into the hotel. I was full of my boy's vomit and well, that was my day 1 up at Cameron's.
During dinner I was busy feeding DS2, DH to DS1, and I hadn't had my own dinner yet. When MIL's elder sis saw it, she reprimanded my MIL and ordered her to carry DS2 so that I could eat. So ya, finally DS2 was off me when I finished the feeding, while MIL has long finished her own dinner. -
winth:
Here's something for a change...
But one strange thing that I realised, those good MIL stories that I've heard are usually very soft-spoken ladies and they tend the housechores really well. Dunno coincidence or wat.
My PIL are considered good as compared to most stories i heard. No nagging from them (in general), they don't complain me to my husband (i am really messy!), my FIL woke up 6.30am so that he can send my son to school (at times when my husband is not around and the younger one is still sleeping) even though he doesn't need to work that day. my MIL will take a bus to fetch my boy after school if the younger one needs to take a nap at home. My MIL also does the housechores and cooks, but she ain't soft spoken. She is the head of the house. We live under the same roof amicably for the past 8 years cos I am very soft-spoken.
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better π
Register Login