Growing old
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Recently I have been asking myself "what happens when I grow old"…We work so hard everyday to provide better life for our children. At the end of the time, we have probably 10 yrs to really do the things we want…By then we will need to help take care of grandchildren too!
I married a man with a BIG family. HE has 7 sisters and 5 brothers. So plus my MIL, I have to deal with 13 women in his life. There are 22 kids in the family. My DD2 is the "baby" being the youngest.
My MIL is very understanding. She does not impose on any of us and she lives with 2 unmarried SILs (HIS’s sisters). Whenever we give her monthly allowance, she would say she is a rich old lady, dont need to give too much.
Her kitchen flooded once and the following week, a brother paid for a contractor to give their mum a new kitchen. When her fridge broke down, we got her a new fridge 2 days later. When she had an eye infection, the doctor at hospital was amazed to see 4 sons and 3 daughters accompanying an old lady for doc appointment; all squeezed into a small room. But the doctor didnt know there were 2 other sons and 4 daughters not there! A family gathering means 50 people cos some of the older kids have started dating.
On my side, my own mother had wanted to stay with my either brothers after their weddings, but I told my parents NEVER to impose on the young couples.
Today with 2 new SILs (from my brothers’ wives), we make an effort to eat dinner togther every Wed and 2X every month on weekend. Imagine having 2 new SILs actually help to bring my family closer. I actually cant wait till they have babies!
So I want to say having a closed-knit family is important! We women look beyond our differences or comparsion of our kids. We make an effort for family gatherings. CNY - we celebrate 15 days. No one dare to visit my MIL house because there are 22 kids. LOL. I am so glad we are a big family! -
Wow! Sarcha, amazingly close knit family you have there. Usually woman cannot get along with mother in law and sis in law but your family proves it that not all family are like that. I heard hokkien people are like that. Is your family hokkien?
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Wow ! Sarchar, :goodpost: :rahrah: Carry on the family tradition
Hi Peapot , I think you are right! My MIL has 5 children , plus their spouses and children ... in total 22 of us. We always get together every Sat night for family dinner. We are Hokkien too.
CNY eve dinner is a major event, we always have it twice, ie one with the daughters and sons (22 of us) , the other one will be only with the sons and family as the daughters need to be with their in-laws.So, we cook CNY dinner twice. -
hello Peapot and Savoury Sweet, He is a Teochew man.
Preparing a meal in his family is a big deal. I can cook but for 50 people is a different story.
When I was invited to dinner at his place for the 1st time, 1 of his sisters told me not to stand at the sink for too long…I wasnt sure what she meant but I learned very fast…there were non stop of washing after the meal !
We also shared the same gynae. When the gynae asked me who introduced him to me, I told him the names of my few SILs, he went …"…7 sisters family? your husband number what?.." It was Hilarious… -
SarChar:
It is so heartwarming to read your story! What a blessing!
So I want to say having a closed-knit family is important! We women look beyond our differences or comparsion of our kids. We make an effort for family gatherings. CNY - we celebrate 15 days. No one dare to visit my MIL house because there are 22 kids. LOL. I am so glad we are a big family!
My MIL had a minor stork two weeks ago, we were in and out hospital,thankfully, she is fine now, but with difficulty in speech. She was an active old lady, often went dancing with friends, but now, her life has taken a sharp turn.
That leads me to think, one day, it will be our turn...a full cycle of life... but with a big family, many hands lighten the load. -
ruohoo97:
I hope your MIL is feeling better now.SarChar:
That leads me to think, one day, it will be our turn...a full cycle of life... but with a big family, many hands lighten the load.
It is so true many hands lighten the load. In a family of 13 children, there is always someone free to bring my MIL out for dinner, check up or to pay for a new fridge, new TV or washing machine etc.
So are you going to have more kids now? :rotflmao: -
prancingpony:
I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!
Finally got a chance to ask DD2 6 YO if we can stay with her next time when we are old.
Her reply \"wow you want to be my neighbor?\"
Goodness....only 6 and already didnt want me to be in the same room as her LOL
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it’s not difficult to know the ans if we look around us… many ppl have already said for boys after married the parents (boy side) will lose half the son and the in-law (girl side) will gain half the son plus their daughter no changed of course…
i think the most important is we have to be well prepared financially for old age and not to be too dependent on our kids… -
Wow Sarchar, that is so heart warming. I have always wanted a big family. 4 kids would have been ideal but I guess we are fated only to have 2.
Growing up, me and my sisters will spend practically every Sunday with our cousins at our granma’s. Our fathers will be debating about the latest current affairs and our mothers together with our granma will be gossiping while preparing some yummy goodies. We will go for holidays together with our extended family most of the time. Growing up like that, we never thought twice about whether we should be spending every Saturday/Sunday at my parents’. It is the norm for us. I expected to have to split my weekend between my family and DH’s family when we were first married but DH’s family does not have that habit. These days, we still holiday together, extended families and all, the troupe has grown somewhat since we have included some of our in-laws in our trips. Most of the time, we are able to form our own tour group of 30+ members.
I hope that when the time comes, because DD and DS have been raised in such an environment, it will also be a norm for them to come home to spend time with us regularly. -
Hello Funz, 30+ people is a big group too! You are really good if you can coordinate 30+ people to agree on a single itinerary.
Actually I dont split my time between our parents, I prefer to go to my MIL house
My parents are very understanding. Dinner events are planned accordingly to DH family's schedule. Thats why I always tell DH he is very LUCKY to marry me because I have high EQ. :rotflmao:
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