Adoption
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AdonciaTang:
did you try IUI or IVF method ... better than adoption, bec it's your own genes ?
Haha true true. Was thinking of adopting a young girl too. Have been trying for a daughter but no results.
Sorry, i don't believe in adoption, maybe because of my friend's case.
Years ago, my friend adopted a baby girl from China.
when she grew up, she brought her lots of pain, heartache, grievances, sorrow ... defiant, stubborn, disobedient. In the end, my friend died from cancer. -
phtthp:
I dont think theres any co- relations at all between genes, misbehaviour and cancer....
did you try IUI or IVF method ... better than adoption, bec it's your own genes ?AdonciaTang:
Haha true true. Was thinking of adopting a young girl too. Have been trying for a daughter but no results.
Sorry, i don't believe in adoption, maybe because of my friend's case.
Years ago, my friend adopted a baby girl from China.
when she grew up, she brought her lots of pain, heartache, grievances, sorrow ... defiant, stubborn, disobedient. In the end, my friend died from cancer. -
AdonciaTang:
Hi ChiefKiasu. My two DS would love to have a younger sister! Just that my DH and I initially were thinking of adopting a newborn. Then this little girl came along. She looks so sweet and adorable but her parents died in a car crash. And DH and I were also discussing if we should adopt her instead and we are willing to share our family love with her. But I just donno if we should because she is old enough and what if one day she walks out on us. Thats my fear. As far as I am concerned, my family is willing to share our love with her.
The best reason to adopt would be that you are prepared to love her unconditionally even if she is not your natural child. As parents, we are given a pretty rotten deal of having to love our own children no matter what. We can never hate our own children, even if they take everything from us and leave us in the end. Shel Silverstein's http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giving_Tree epitomizes this very well.
So it cannot be that we give any less to our adopted children. They will perceive the tiniest difference in treatment they receive from their adopted parents versus their own children. If they have to leave one day, they will. The last thing we want for them is to stay, simply out of the obligation of gratitude, or expectancy of reciprocity. Chances are, given your compassion and willingness to share your family with her, at a time when she has lost hers, she will be bounded to you forever out of love. -
I totally agree with chiefkiasu.
I worked many years in a place where adopting a child and loving him/her as their own is common. The children are usually well adjusted and although they talked about their skin colour/country of origin etc but I really have to give it to their adoptive parents (usually Caucasians in these cases) who love them as their own and at the same time encourage the children to embrace their roots. For example, a Filipino girl gets to visit and stay with her biological family for weeks every year to reconnect but at the end of the day, because of the security, big heartedness and true love of her adoptive family, the girl never left them.
I am sorry but I do feel that you may not be totally ready to adopt this girl. I am sure you have a kind heart and feels for this little girl, but your heart and mind are not completely open. Children especially one who has gone through so much trauma, are very sensitive and can feel it when you doubt their loyalty. I sincerely hope you relook into your worries and not rush into a decision. I wish you and your family the best and certainly hope the brave little girl will continue to stay courageous. -
Dreamgear:
I dont think theres any co- relations at all between genes, misbehaviour and cancer....[/quote]clarify ...
did you try IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) or IVF (In Vitro Fertilization )method ... better than adoption, bec it's your own genes ?phtthp:
[quote=\"AdonciaTang\"]
Haha true true. Was thinking of adopting a young girl too. Have been trying for a daughter but no results.
Sorry, i don't believe in adoption, maybe because of my friend's case.
Years ago, my friend adopted a baby girl from China.
when she grew up, she brought her lots of pain, heartache, grievances, sorrow ... defiant, stubborn, disobedient. In the end, my friend died from cancer.
when i say genes, i mean ... if Adonica attempt IUI or IVF, the child's genes naturally come from she and her husband. But if she were to adopt a child from orphanage, won't know if genes ok or not. What if the unknown baby parents is mental or .... schizophrenia case ?
misbehavior ...
my friend doted on her daughter whom she adopted while still a baby in China. She was the only child my friend ever had - as her womb was taken out, no way to conceive. She taught and gave this adopted baby the best education she could, yet she doesn't know what is gratitude and when grow up, brought my friend lots of heartache, grief. My friend was so upset and grieved to the extent that grief / sorrow accumulated over a very long period of time, she developed cancer. In the end, died from cancer. -
You are already a parent so you would understand the basic principle which is parenting is for life. I wonder if there can be some arrangement to say that you will foster her, for say, 6 months? This way, everyone will get a period to adjust and know each other. Living with a natural family structure will also provide security and better emotional support for her - Having \"siblings\" and \"parents\", etc. If she likes her new \"family\", you guys can have a talk of whether you want to legally adopt her. For whatever reasons, you can continue to foster her, legally adopt her, or everyone can move on to the next phase.
Actually, in my heart, I feel that if we can, we should foster/adopt the older children. Because the waiting list for a newborn adoption is usually very long, but not many people are ready to take on older kids - especially so because most adopting have never been parents and they want to start from STAGE 1 and not have any baggage. But for you, I applaud you for even considering, and I hope this works out well for you. :xedfingers: -
Hi Straffan, ChiefKiasu and Canvas, Thanks so much for your comments. It really helps. My DH and I have decided to adopt the young girl after much discuss last night. Actually we have been discussing for 3 months on it and we feel that she really need someone now and we are willing to share our love with her. We are going to check out the adoption procedure and hopefull she can join our family before Chinese New Year.
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phtthp:
Phtthp, Thanks for your comment. I understand where you are coming from.
clarify ...
when i say genes, i mean ... if Adonica attempt IUI or IVF, the child's genes naturally come from she and her husband. But if she were to adopt a child from orphanage, won't know if genes ok or not. What if the unknown baby parents is mental or .... schizophrenia case ?
misbehavior ...
my friend doted on her daughter whom she adopted while still a baby in China. She was the only child my friend ever had - as her womb was taken out, no way to conceive. She taught and gave this adopted baby the best education she could, yet she doesn't know what is gratitude and when grow up, brought my friend lots of heartache, grief. My friend was so upset and grieved to the extent that grief / sorrow accumulated over a very long period of time, she developed cancer. In the end, died from cancer. I have checked on the girl's background and she is from my church, her parents are my friends too. My husband and I had decided to go ahead with it and hopefully she will join us before chinese new year. We are ready to love her and share our family love with her.
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Personally, that is too close for comfort.
But why would the couple wanna give up the child, esp coming from a Christian background? -
Dreamgear:
I dont think theres any co- relations at all between genes, misbehaviour and cancer....[/quote]There is - č¢«ę°å°ę»!
did you try IUI or IVF method ... better than adoption, bec it's your own genes ?phtthp:
[quote=\"AdonciaTang\"]
Haha true true. Was thinking of adopting a young girl too. Have been trying for a daughter but no results.
Sorry, i don't believe in adoption, maybe because of my friend's case.
Years ago, my friend adopted a baby girl from China.
when she grew up, she brought her lots of pain, heartache, grievances, sorrow ... defiant, stubborn, disobedient. In the end, my friend died from cancer.
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