桃花谈
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both my mum n grandma oredi very old,one in 70s,the other one in 90s.They stay in different countries.I see the similiarities btw my MIL n my mum’s MIL,both of them
狗嘴里吐不出象牙.
As for my case,perhaps,i nid to swallow my pride,use the wisdom n courage n plenty of tolerance,to visit my MIL,n 忍受, 承受 her unpleasant words. -
insider:
My son was able to tolerate his younger brother much better (just complain a one-liner instead of a full scale shouting match or hitting) and also became very caring towards me, fetching jackets for me, doing little chores saying 'it's the least we(the kids) can do.\" My husband, seeing the change in him - actually this is his \"old\" self before my husband became very short tempered with him and my mother kept intruding into our family - also softened considerably and took him out for treats and became less harsh towards him.
hello ammonite,ammonite:
When I reflected upon this, I understand that I have to demonstrate 抱容心 towards ds1, dh, and my mother. The change has been drastic in my ds1 over CNY. I am not there yet, there are still lies that I 放不下，but I try lah.
can share more about those words in red please.....?
and also, usually involved what kinds of lies? (people, esp kids, usually tell lies when they have no perceived sense of security / perceived fear and therefore resort to lies to protect themselves. Maybe you have to find out the psychological reasons of her lying and then all work to assure her that she doesn't need to lie and that all can accept her doings).
I think more than towards grandma and dh, it is my increased 包容心 towards him. I used to be afraid that he would mistake my leniency as a license to be even more overbearing towards his rother (he has a very strong personality), but reading your seedling theory, and thinking about his most basic/original character, I realised that I am wrong. He has innate integrity, intelligence and kindness, and the thing that hurts him most is lack of trust. I realise that all I have to do is to show him that I believe in him and his goodness (the way my father believed in me and this belief protected me from my mother's negative influence) at the most basic level, and that I can 包容 his anger (which is a sign of hurt). I find that when I just trust that he will turn out good, he IS good.
On a different level, like some other forummers, I also know that whenever I am upset with dh and grandma, I cannot keep these poisonous feelings out of my interactions with my children who are very sensitive to my emotions. So by controlling my reactions to the other two (not mentally digging up past history and getting even more upset), I am better able to keep the hostility out of my interactions with my children.
There is a lot of distrust in the relationships. For grandma, let's just say that she does things secretly, gets cheated, and refuses to be accountable. She gives away family heirloom of sentimental value without consulting the rest of the family. She does what she thinks is right for the good of us - secretly adding things into our food and drinks,or secretly throwing away food she doesn't want us to eat - despite our protests. so she lies to get her way with the rest of us. We cannot do what she wants us to do so she resorts to lying. -
赢 is just 赢了一口气,that is really true…I always give way to drivers who try to overtake my way,or take my parking space.
What I notice,
1) at times,overtake me also no use,still hv to stop at junction or when traffic light turns red.
2)take my parking space.At the end,i find a beta n nearer parking space. -
Actually a lot of people are hurting from resentment and guilt from past incidents without quite knowing it. A lot of happier people are those who have short term memory
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Nebbermind:
Actually a lot of people are hurting from resentment and guilt from past incidents without quite knowing it. A lot of happier people are those who have short term memory
:rotflmao: That's a good one....一 针 见 血,poor memory=blessing -
insider:
A little late ... I would interpret it as conscious incompetencephtthp:
insider, may i know what is \"无明\" in English ?
Errr...can someone help me out with this with a more concise Ang Mo word??
What I can come up with is \"Got Eye Cannot See\"... -
Lately I reflected on my relationship with my late mother.
Thank you, insider.
I think I am prepared to visit her now. -
Jennifer:
WOW! :rahrah: :rahrah:Lately I reflected on my relationship with my late mother.
Thank you, insider.
I think I am prepared to visit her now. -
OMG. Just a few days, I missed so much. Have to read from page 12. catching up…
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ChiefKiasu:
I used to wish I have better command of Chinese so I can read all the 武侠小说. Now I wish I have better command of Chinese so I can read and fully understand insiders' profound teachings. Sigh.
Me too leh. I am using DD digital dictionary as I read along.
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