桃花谈

[ammonite]

Jennifer:

Lately I reflected on my relationship with my late mother.


Thank you, insider.

I think I am prepared to visit her now.

:rahrah:

[ruohoo97]

insider:

Sorry, hor, Insider Jie, (i saw some call you Jie, hope that you don't mind) Your sharing has prompted me a lot too, if you don't mind I ask more in and between lines:-

Letting go is the only way to heal and then to move forward to a lot more positive energy. Be aware of your 无明, this thing causes people to hang on to things that they are not supposed to and then create all sorts of unnecessary obstacles in one’s life.

There was so much shit in my childhood and in my early teens. I shared before those years that I was working on the street from 6 years old, helping my mum to collect laundry for washing, about those years that I was almost raped by a Gor Gor and bullied by kids from better family backgrounds. As such a young child then, I was so defenceless but I managed to emerge to be so strong coz I know how to count my blessings and ignore the bad.

When I said I was born with 慧根 and I really believe it. This 慧根 allows me to see the 佛 in each person instead of 牛粪…
Obviously, you are a devoted Buddhist. how did you come to know about it, how have you been guided into deeper knowledge and understanding? I find 梵文 very to understand?

I met many many bad people in my early life but at every stage of my life, I also meet many 贵人.

In my younger days, my 贵人 appeared all as teachers. I had tons of bad teachers (who were abusive) but then almost like in every year, I would meet a good one. These good teachers guided and mentored the me who was always shabbily attired in school uniform. I am forever thankful to such teachers.

At this age, I know nothing can hurt me. Literally nothing unless I allow it to (which is silly).

I enjoy raising kids coz of my mentality, that I believe each of my kids has their own destiny to move on and my job is to try to groom their wisdom instead of just focusing on their academics (academics cause a lot of strain between parent-child relationships that I find is really unnecessary).

If you have a chance to take a look at my two elder kids, they have the look of 慈祥. Kindness, right? This look will enable them to attract 贵人 and block the 小人.

贵人 or 小人 don’t appear without a reason (just like good/bad 桃花).

One’s charisma attracts either one of these to help or to create troubles. (my youngest son still has the 逆气 in him that I have to tame indirectly. He still has some time to develop the 慈祥 look. Overall, I think he should be ok coz there should be enough positive energy to help him in my peaceful family. You heard of how I ‘boasted’ about my 19 years old son has never ever raised his voice at me?).

Instead of concentrating my efforts in grooming my kids’ in their academics, I concentrate in building the 慈祥 look in them. Could do share an example to build 慈祥 ? If they can be surrounded by positive energy, then their lives will be smooth no matter where they go or what they do.

I attended a gathering with my schoolmates few days back. One of them was complaining to me her P6 daughter is very defiant and very difficult to teach. This daughter is weak in her Chinese and therefore has to attend Chinese tuition that clashes with the church timing. I advised her if she really has to choose, she has to forego the tuition and let the daughter go church. This ‘child like faith’ is difficult for many to have.

Super agree!! If she really believes in Christ, she can leave all her worries to God (放下) and then God will show the way (provided she models herself properly for her kids). This concept is not easy to apply but it should be that way.

So pls learn to let go. Don’t punish yourself repeatedly，over and over again by holding grudges.

If I can be of a very remote guide for you, I can tell you that I am very comfortable in my life now with a happy family and tons of fun in my personal life (drink wine and play mahjong with a bunch of good friends!). This is really only possible because I can let go of hurts and grudges, offloading the negative energy and move on and on to pick up roses without looking back…

Do work on improving yourself bit by bit (and don’t beat yourself when sometimes you fail. We are afterall human)…

Always must remember, Life is Beautiful… (I've never lose sight of this motto since young. It's 'engraved' in me...)

[Funz]

insider:

The saying of 日久见人心. Many times, we just have to wait as said and most if not all the time, it’s always 守得云开见月明 (think Funz can attest to this).

Me attest to this ah? I guess so. I did not have the kind of clear headedness or enlightenment that Insider has though. Think I basically muddled through most of my choices. And I have been fortunate thus far that they have mostly worked out well. Things with ILs have improved a lot. From a MIL who calls me empress dowager and keep telling people she is afraid of offending me and that I control DH, and a SIL who treats me as transparent to now, where not only MIL, SIL but also some relatives of DH's accepting that though I am not the super friendly and chatty type, I am nowhere near an empress dowager. But most importantly is DH knowing that I am a gem of a wife. But I like to add, wait with open mind and open heart. Not wait, resentfully. If we do not let go of all the resentment, even when the 云开, we still won't be able to see the 月明 as we are too busy being resentful. I was myopic with resentment once and it almost cost me my marriage.

[Jennifer]

Funz:

But I like to add, wait with open mind and open heart. Not wait, resentfully. If we do not let go of all the resentment, even when the 云开, we still won't be able to see the 月明 as we are too busy being resentful.

Thank you for sharing.

[peapot]

vinegar:

赢 is just 赢了一口气,that is really true....I always give way to drivers who try to overtake my way,or take my parking space.


What I notice,
1) at times,overtake me also no use,still hv to stop at junction or when traffic light turns red.

2)take my parking space.At the end,i find a beta n nearer parking space.

I get this very often. There was once a guy who wanted to come out of his car to bash me. But god must have been around that day because when he came out and walk towards me he suddenly decided to go back to his car.

[Fairy]

Nebbermind:

Actually a lot of people are hurting from resentment and guilt from past incidents without quite knowing it. A lot of happier people are those who have short term memory

If it is only a distant memory, its easier to let go.

If one is constantly 'reminded' by others' actions/words, past hurts feel fresh again and keeps haunting and tormenting.

Like Vinegar (i thought i read somewhere, sorry if i quoted wrongly), i chose aviodance. Avioded the sources of the hurts for years in my life and mistakenly thought I had overcame, let go...

Once defence down..., stopped avoiding, 'forgive and forget', or so, I thought, starts feeling pained by words/actions that reinforced past perceptions again.

Some things will never change, we can only change our reaction to the things.

I feel it takes a lot of positive experiences and experiences counter to the cause of the hurts to overcome the negative feelings and let go. People who are more 阿Q are happier because of their innate ability to block out negative experiences. Such people are borned 阿Q, dont believe such mental attribute can be cultivated.

[jedamum]

Insider,

Now I know why I can see the not so desirable traits of my husband that reminds me of my dad - it is your Seedlings Theory.
I learnt to accept my dad’s pov after I got married to my husband who shared with me how he behaved, reacted a certain way. I still do hope he can be less temperamental, but through him-I learnt to accept both his and my dad’s ‘flaws’.
My late dad was a dutiful husbadd. My regret is that while my mum didn’t sow negative seeds wrt his bad temper, she didn’t sow positive seeds too. To us, we didn’t know why he reacted such ways and why he was not at home most of th time and when he was home, everyone will tread with caution. I see the same happening in my household too - kids being especially caution when dad is around. I do tell my kids how much their dad loves them, and try to create ways for family interaction or activities when dad is home. But somehow, like my dad maybe, their only hours home, they wish to spend with only their wives or their hobbies instead of kids. How to break this cycle?

[insider]

errr...don't know which question to take first for my this 10 min coffee break time...


Will take some questions tonight.

Meanwhile, maybe someone can help me to answer this particular question of ruohoo below pls.

ruohoo97:

Instead of concentrating my efforts in grooming my kids’ in their academics, I concentrate in building the 慈祥 look in them.
Could do share an example to build 慈祥 ?

[ChiefKiasu]

Maybe this thread should be renamed:

\"The Theory of Life\"

:love:

[ammonite]

:love: That does sum it up quite well.