All About Autism
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Hi Double E.. I'm am very happy that the method worked out for you and of course your son. :snuggles: I find that it is easy for us to get agitated when something frustrates us and the inclination to scream at a child is an almost natural reaction, whether we are handling or working with special-needs children or normal children. It takes a lot from us.. a more conscientious effort, to ensure that we do not do that.. but it is just really hard.
More often than we may realize, we seem to focus more on being upset at the child than the real issue at hand.. the \"why\" it happened. I found through repeated trials and errors that it was harder to work on the issues first then the child because the anger within us takes longer to dissipate. It is a natural human response to certain situations that get to us.
When working with these issues with the children, if we try to focus on them first.. ie. how we love them as they were, BEFORE we tackle that something they just came up with, we can help ourselves be less angry (at the child.. the mess.. perhaps the nonsense you think it was at the time..) and of course, less angry at the world.. and i dare say even less angry at God sometimes. We can help the child better by not modelling the unwanted behaviour.. i mean after a few hollers, the child just copies us cos they thought it'd work, since we were doing it. They don't know better. Yet.
When we are less angry, (or better still not angry at all) we are calm enough to restrain the child in gentle ways (rationalize) so that the child is more relaxed (less angry himself).. more willing to listen to what you are going to say next be it an advice or an instruction.
The younger the child, the simpler and the more direct the words should be used. For more verbal children, we can speak to them like little adults.. and for special-needs who are not verbal yet, come up with simple yet concise phrases and phrases that you can repeat should something similar blows up.
If a mess was caused, invite the child to clean it up together with us, as opposed to instruct. To a child, it sounds welcoming and almost already forgiven, hence they may be more willing. For example, \"It would be nice if you could help mommy with this, so do you think you could? I could really use your help.\" or \"Do you think you can help mommy pick this up, because we can clear this up faster if we do it together?\". With my daughters, I tell them, \"More hands make lighter work, so I really appreciate all the help I can get.\"
Shouting seems like an easy way out at the spark of the moment, but a long way and a difficult way to change if we don't remind ourselves to maintain composure. I still have a long way to go in improving myself in this area. I don't wish to keep using the, \"I have so many children and so many things to do!\" as an excuse.
Apart from breathing countdowns as relaxation, if you are from a faith group, you could also use some verses/chants your faith has taught you as another measure of keeping your cool. This way it can benefit both sides - mom and child - for you are sowing all the good seeds of love two-ways for the love you show and the love you allow your child to feel will be reciprocated in similar ways if not the same. From yourself and the God that each of you believe in (if any).
Have a blessed week ahead. -
To the other great moms, ImMeeMee and helplessmum3.. please give me some time to reply you the best way i can with regards to the Montessori thingies. :hugs:
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Dearest nugget, whether our children are special-needs or normal.. the values that they learn.. the good behaviour that they model.. the kind words that they speak.. all the little things they do are from us - the adults. The adults who know better.
Hence, how our children are shaped from birth to adulthood will depend on the people they meet and interact with in their lives. There will be opportunities for them to build resilience from when they might fall (which they will) but it is more how we teach them to rise up from the fall that matters more than how hard they fell. It takes all to make this world. Though we cannot shield our children from the harsh reality of life, we can show them how to stand tall and that there is a place for everyone of us in this world.
This brings me to the questions normally parents ask me - what i normally look for when selecting a daycare, preschool, playschool (etc) for my children.. my answer is usually \"I look at the teachers first... for a passionate teacher can deliver any methodology tasked upon her. Because she has the heart for the job.\" I also hardly ever question the qualification bit, because in this line it is honestly and ultimately the person that matters not so much how high they have studied, though basic knowledge is required.. a criteria.. to take on the job.
Teaching is almost like parenting.. as parents; we are constantly teaching them too. Not just about academics, but about life. Both vocations require heart work.
Take care. :hugs: -
Buds, well said again
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and insights.
I totally agree our children are a mirror of us. How we behave will directly affects our children thoughts and behaviour too. -
Thanks buds for sharing. I will try it out when the need arises.
Mummies, my husband and I were talking about the office abused case that happened recently. Both of us felt that the 29 yo victim may be ASD. Feel sad and we started to think if it could happen to our child when he grows up and step into the working world. This brought me back to an incident that happened a mth ago. At his child care, one of his teachers confessed to me that she hit my son's lips on impulse when my son used bad language. As she looked apologetic, i decided to let it go. This, my son never told me. -
Summer
Yes, when I saw the news about the office abuse case, I also wonder if the 29 year old undergraduate could be one with development issue or ASD because in a normal circumstances, no one would be able to tolerate such abuse without defending himself. -
I feel that I might be like this victim … As I keep doing things wrong…
Lack of confident n infuriating … Not link to asd -
Hello mummies, been a while since I last check in to this thread.
I saw the video too. Feel sad for the young man. Like many of you, I can’t help but worry for my kid as he grow up. I don’t know whether that young man has ASD or not, however It is quite for common for people on the spectrum to have issues with self confidence and hence lack of the courage to fend for themselves. I’m beginning to see the lack of self confidence in my boy too as he is developing the self awareness.
Sigh! That is the challenging part of raising up special need kids, beside the need to work hard to help them to cope academically, we still need to do more to ensure they are equip with sufficient life skill and social skill -
While we all will be concerned about how our kids may be treated badly, what I wonder is why the man didn’t actually say anything to his parents? Is he non-verbal? But he is apparently a university graduate! Or did his parents not do anything until it became public? I can’t imagine that this could happen to my child and she not tell me, and I certainly would not allow her to remain in such a place.
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Hi mummies,
I’m looking for a chinese tutor who has experience or doesn’t mind teaching special needs kids. Please pm me if you have any good recommendation.
My boy is slipping in his school work and is doing quite badly for his chinese. While I know we have the choice to request for withdrawal from chinese, I would like to give it one more try, also give him the chance to learn the language -
I saw the video clip too. The news was also featured in today’s ST.
The report did not cite whether the 29-yo intern was a special needs individual, but I suppose as parents of special needs children we cant help but jump at such things and relate them to what will happen to our kids when they grow up.
I too have this fear, and the worry about my doter’s future is constantly on my mind. Social enterprises are getting more now, and maybe there will be more of such empathetic business entities in the future. We just have to keep looking. -
bunhead:
Hi! i have a son with Aspegers syndrome who is now 19 years old and is now in Poly. He was diagnosed at the age of 4 and it was initially very tough for us. Things now are better... he has come a long way as in he now has friends and is working towards his diploma ... has worked part time in retail and other jobs too... i guess what i am getting at is that if your kid has been diagnosed... have faith and things will improve... having said that, the child needs to have confidence and learn that they need to learn to conform (for want of a better word) to society and not the other way around. The reason being that although singapore is now more open in discussing ASD and special needs, there are still so many many ignorant people that are so impatient and unaccepting of our special children. Teach your kids to report any kind of abuse.... verbal or physical... I dont know if the guy in the video has special needs but he certainly seems to not have any self confidence - he just sat there and allowed the abuse without even defending himself.
Bunhead
Is great to know that your boy is now working towards his dip and have friends. All of us here hope our special needs kids can achieve the same.
On the office abuse case, the most recent reports stated that he is 29 years old and have been working in the company for 3 years taking a $500 salary. I am really appalled and wonder what is this guy thinking.
But more than anything, I am really pissed that there is such supervisor in this world, such a big bully. I really hope he gets his punishment. Apparently apart from the 29 year old staff, he also abused other interns. -
Hi Mummies,
My son has difficulty socialising with peers.
Hope to send him to social class.
Can mummies recommend me social class?
Anyone has try Leo Magan?
Thanks so much! -
Double E:
bunhead:
Hi! i have a son with Aspegers syndrome who is now 19 years old and is now in Poly. He was diagnosed at the age of 4 and it was initially very tough for us. Things now are better... he has come a long way as in he now has friends and is working towards his diploma ... has worked part time in retail and other jobs too... i guess what i am getting at is that if your kid has been diagnosed... have faith and things will improve... having said that, the child needs to have confidence and learn that they need to learn to conform (for want of a better word) to society and not the other way around. The reason being that although singapore is now more open in discussing ASD and special needs, there are still so many many ignorant people that are so impatient and unaccepting of our special children. Teach your kids to report any kind of abuse.... verbal or physical... I dont know if the guy in the video has special needs but he certainly seems to not have any self confidence - he just sat there and allowed the abuse without even defending himself.
Bunhead
Is great to know that your boy is now working towards his dip and have friends. All of us here hope our special needs kids can achieve the same.
On the office abuse case, the most recent reports stated that he is 29 years old and have been working in the company for 3 years taking a $500 salary. I am really appalled and wonder what is this guy thinking.
But more than anything, I am really pissed that there is such supervisor in this world, such a big bully. I really hope he gets his punishment. Apparently apart from the 29 year old staff, he also abused other interns.
some of them oso stay with company with very low pay for many years despite verbally abused.. .. -
specialboymum:
specialboymumHello mummies, been a while since I last check in to this thread.
I saw the video too. Feel sad for the young man. Like many of you, I can't help but worry for my kid as he grow up. I don't know whether that young man has ASD or not, however It is quite for common for people on the spectrum to have issues with self confidence and hence lack of the courage to fend for themselves. I'm beginning to see the lack of self confidence in my boy too as he is developing the self awareness.
Sigh! That is the challenging part of raising up special need kids, beside the need to work hard to help them to cope academically, we still need to do more to ensure they are equip with sufficient life skill and social skill
Is your child in P2 this year? Have you heard anything about AED support that will end by the time the child finishes P2? -
bunhead
I understand that our special kids can be excepted from NS. But for now, I still hope he goes through it but perhaps he can be assigned to do desk bound work. -
mum2dan:
Mine attends social skills class at Planet Learning Centre. It's located at Hougang currently but are relocating in July 2013.Hi Mummies,
My son has difficulty socialising with peers.
Hope to send him to social class.
Can mummies recommend me social class?
Anyone has try Leo Magan?
Thanks so much! -
ImMeeMee:
The AED team in my boy's school told me they will support our kids until they finished primary school. They will also be responsible to liaise with the AED in the secondary school our kids go to, to ensure the continuity of support.
specialboymumspecialboymum:
Hello mummies, been a while since I last check in to this thread.
I saw the video too. Feel sad for the young man. Like many of you, I can't help but worry for my kid as he grow up. I don't know whether that young man has ASD or not, however It is quite for common for people on the spectrum to have issues with self confidence and hence lack of the courage to fend for themselves. I'm beginning to see the lack of self confidence in my boy too as he is developing the self awareness.
Sigh! That is the challenging part of raising up special need kids, beside the need to work hard to help them to cope academically, we still need to do more to ensure they are equip with sufficient life skill and social skill
Is your child in P2 this year? Have you heard anything about AED support that will end by the time the child finishes P2?
But I think if the school thinks your kid is well settled and doesn't need extra settle, they may reduce the support, so as to spare the resource on other kids. As you probably know, the resources for AED is really limited in most school. -
not on facebook:
Not on Facebook: thanks for the info. Hv called planet learning centre but the classes coincide with my son other class. Nevertheless will keep in view. Thanks again!
Mine attends social skills class at Planet Learning Centre. It's located at Hougang currently but are relocating in July 2013.mum2dan:
Hi Mummies,
My son has difficulty socialising with peers.
Hope to send him to social class.
Can mummies recommend me social class?
Anyone has try Leo Magan?
Thanks so much!
Any other mummies Hv social class recommendation? Hope to start my son on the holiday program or the term class ASAP. -
Wee care?