omgmum:

Same here! When we go out, my maid will change into v nice clothes while I would just grab whatever's washed and ironed because I have to get ready my girl too!

omgmum,
why are you getting ready your girl when you can get your maid to do it?
Then you can spend time dolling yourself u lah .

my contribution…


1) old melon with pork ribs, red dates and wu mei duo
2) fuo shou gua with pork ribs, honey dates, china barley and nan xing bei xing
3) watercress with pork ribs, red dates, nan xing bei xing

MintyMin:

omgmum:

mintymin, any idea why your dd is acting up? My dd acts up when she doesn't nap, or when she wants attention. Maybe your girl wants some attention too?


If that's the case, then maybe your helper can set aside the work for a work and entertain your girl?

ongmum, my DD2 has tis 牛脾气， but she only do it do helper leh.. to DH n me, she dun dare.. n i noe helper aws like to disturb them, so i told helper tat she asked for it at times..

But sometimes DD2 dun wan to bath.. she will carry her into bathroom.. den DD2 will beat her.. but often if i see tis happen, i will bath DD2 my own.. feeding also my own.. it is like tis kind of small matters DD2 like not happy w helper.. n also at times will push blame to helper for certain tings too.. so m not sure watz wrong..

Abt bathing, tell maid dun forcefully make DD2 bathe lah....must gv advance notice. Must know how to \"hong\". If kids r so easy to take care, the moment you call them, they will respond and do wat you want them to do, then you also won't need the maid lah.
Btw, your DD2 is only 2.5yo, you really think she is capable of pushing the blame to helper?

omgmum:

How about maids touching your personal belongings without permission? I get super irritated when they my skin care, go through my things without my permission.

Things that I dun wan maid to touch/see will be kept in cupboards/drawers which are out of bounds to her. Our master bedroom is on restricted access to the helper. My skin care is in the master bedroom toilet. She only gets to go inside once a day to do area cleaning, with my permission. So long as she dun attempt to use my skincare, if she wans to see, she can see all she wans .

omgmum:

I agree with bzmum. Helpers should never smack a kid, especially in anger. I think you should talk to your maid about this. As parents, we may want to smack our kids, but I feel that helpers should never be allowed to, because they may not know when to stop.


It sounds like your helper has hit your girl before? Then it seems to be becoming a habit. I think you have to tell your helper very firmly that in singapore, hitting a child can be considered child abuse. She is an adult, she is more in control of her actions than a child. Your dd is still a kid, even if what she has done is not right.

I guess you'll have to try telling your dd that it's not okay to hit other ppl, and when she hits other ppl, they can get angry and hit her back.

Your DD2 is still young, may hv trouble understanding the concept of not hitting others. She may be copying the behaviour of adults in the house or that of her bro/sis. You will hv to keep a lookout for such acts and stop them. You will also hv to keep reinforcing that she cannot hit others. Plse also tell your older kids that it is not right to retaliate when one is being hit. I hv this strong feeling fr what you mentioned earlier abt your DD1's comments that she thinks that it is ok for the helper to hit her sister 'cos her sister hit the helper 1st. Plse tell her older kids to let you or your mum know if the helper hit them or they see the helper hitting the younger kid. Sometimes, they dun understand n they think that it is ok. So as parents, we hv to educate them.

As for your helper, if u still wan to keep her, plse issue strong warning. If I were you, I will change since this is not the 1st time she is caught hitting your kids. She is obviously not suitable to take care of young kids 'cos she seems unable to tolerate them n is losing self-control. You won't want unpleasant things to happen and you get to regret it.

omgmum:

mlim650,


must be frustrating for your mum! Did you talk to your helper about this? I told my helper that she must never be rude to me or any of my family members or me.

Still can't decide if showing a black face and smirking etc is considered rude.

Would you tolerate a maid who shows a black face, but who still talks politely to you?

omgmum,
Your situation reminds me of one of the scene in a HK drama serial that I've watched. The helper always has a black face, but she is v good in her job....but the grown-up kids dun like her and complained to the father of the household abt her black face. So the father told them...the helper is here to do work, not to smile at you :rotflmao: .
So if your maid can do her job well and she is humble and will change when you tell her she did wrong (ie dun talk back), then shld not be bothered abt her black face. Just dun look at her face unless necessary.

No. Helper cannot beat kid, even if the kid started it 1st.

How hard can a kid’s slap feel on an adult, compared to an adult’s slap on a kid?
It will become a habit if u don’t give a warning to your helper on hitting your kids. She shld approach yourself or your mum for help to discipline your kids n not take things into her own hands. It is v dangerous to let the helper discipline your kids.

Btw, you hv not say how old is your DD2 and your DD1.
And how long has your maid been with you.

ZuEn:

If my mum is evil to my maid, I am fine lah but she has to be angry with me when the maid irks her. :sad:

And she further irritates me by comparing my maid with my bbro's maid, singing the praises of their maid, when I dun see theirs to be much better. They are all maids, all the same lor. The she has to tell me mockingly that they handle their maid better. :frustrated:

Wah, ur mum and my mum can be friends lei.
My mum also does the same to me. She even go to the extent that when she complains abt the maid not helping her and I offer to help her set routine for the maid in her house (as my maid and kids will go to her house during weekdays), she will mockingly tell me to look after my own house lah and remind me of all the previous maids that I've to change, even though the issues with those maids are not in me. And then of coz, she will also tell me how well my sil handles her maid, even though just a few days ago, she was complaining to me abt the other maid and how my sil dun care, nvr tell/teach/scold the maid....blah...blah...blah.
Other ppl thinks that I'm so lucky to hv my mum help me with my maid and kids. They dun understand the frustrations and stress that I face with my mum in this aspect. 'Cos I'm her daughter, she have no qualms telling me off when she is not happy with my maid, but she will not do it to my bro or his wife for fear of making them angry.

ZuEn:

At that time, I will also remind my mum that she joined forces with me, resulting her resignation.

Aiyo, cannot do this lah. The least you want is your mum to abandon ship and you also hv no maid. Trust me, it is unlikely to be miscommunication. Your maid is 9 mths w your mum, she is a PHL maid, not likely she still dun understand your mum, not matter how broken your mum's English is. PHL maids are quite smart. And somehow, the old folks have a way to communicate with maids and make them understand. I rem I had a confinement nanny who dun speak a word of English and yet she can make my fresh PHL maid of 1 week understand her, and they often chit chat in the kitchen. And that fresh maid of ours can complain that she dun understand me and my hubby even though we speak proper English.
I also hv the same arrangement as you (ie hv kids, hv maid and hv mum to supervise maid and I'm also a FTWM), so I understand your frustration with the situation 'cos I also need to diffuse the \"bomb\" betw mum n maid once every few months, sometimes resulting in changing maids. But no choice, as long as we need our mum's help I can only complain loudly to my hubby why my life is so tough .

ZuEn:

Beanstalk,

That is exactly what hb is thinking. He even suggest that he will talk to my mum but at the end of the day, I get the blunt of it bcos I am the daughter and he is the Son-in-law.

My mum now nags non-stop at me, repeating to me every evening (after work) and during the weekends about how the maid argues with her. For the same incident, my mum can repeat a few times. Otherwise, bcos the maid irks her, she talks to me sacarstically and drives me crazy. We had a meltdown in the past bcos of the maid during my maternity leave and I had to apologise to her eventually. I also thought it is not worth souring family ties over a maid.

I actually prefer her to discipline the maid directly leh. How to lash out at the maid for something that I didnt see? I also somehow think that the issues could be due to communication problem. In the past, similar occurences took place and when I confronted the maid, I get a different story. When I tried to explain to my mum, my mum thinks I side the maid.

My mum is helping us supervising the maid now. We are also worried that if she's really pissed and decides that she doesnt want to help and shift back to my brother's place, we are doomed. DS is still very young and we dont want to send the kids to CC bcos of our long working hours, which will mean that the kids will have to stay in the CC for long hours as well.

Hmmm... I guessed I must be one of the rare kind who have problems with my own mum. Haha.

You mean your mum cannot scold the maid when she argues with her? Like that cannot work. You will have to give your mum the authority to tell the maid wat to do and to tell the maid off if she does wrong, when you are not at home.
You need to tell your maid to respect your mum as the elder in the house. Tell your maid that your mum is the mother/boss of her boss (ie you). She will have to take instructions from your mum and learn to get along with her, cannot make her angry, cannot argue with her, else you cannot keep her.
Sometimes Mum makes noise 'cos she is seeking attention or she is tired. Probably, she feels that you haven't been appreciative of her efforts to help supervise your maid....you are taking her for granted. You need to show your appreciation more.
Anyhow, do bear in mind that maids do behave differently in front of employers. So cannot take maid's behaviour at face value. Eg. when my maid is in her ya-ya mood, and my mum questions my maid on something she has done. My maid can sound like she is damn pissed off with my mum when she replies my mum. Then she can go on to justify why she do things this way like she has every right to do things her own way, and this can really set my mum off. But she will never do that to me when I talk to her or when I'm within sight.
So you will need to ascertain whether wat your mum said is true lor and don't be blinded by your maid. Never show maid or mum that you are siding the maid. Can have very bad consequences. When your mum complains, just take the message. Don't need to justify to mum why maid behaves that way. Then go and tell your maid that you heard this from your mum. Don't need to ask if it is true or not 'cos you must always assume that your mum is correct. Just tell your maid your expectation on this issue and tell her you dun wan to hear another complaint from your mum abt this issue.