limlim:

Err.. why like must give reason or submit a post ar..?


cannot just click like meh? I click already see the need to write something I backed off.....

No need to write anything. Just click the \"submit\" button will do.

insider:

insider:

适度中节

子贡问友于孔子,在《论语·颜渊》中,孔子说:“忠告而善道之,不可则止”。

孔子认为,对待朋友的错误,要坦诚布公地劝导他,推心置腹地讲明利害关系,但他坚持不听,也就作罢。

如果别人不听,你一再劝告,不但不能达到目的反而会自取其辱。

可见,与朋友相处时“忠告善导”固不可少,但也要懂得“不可则止”的道理,这也是孔子明哲保身原则在交朋友上的具体运用。

另外,孔子认为,朋友关系是一种非常亲密的关系,但是要把握好与朋友的距离。因为人性的弱点,过分亲密与接近都会造成反感。正如《论语·里仁》中,子游所讲:“事君数,斯辱矣,朋友数,斯疏矣”。

出于忠心而诲之,但忠言逆耳,若不被听从,也不可勉强行之,过于烦琐,以致“言者轻,听者厌”,求亲而反疏,落得难堪收场。

http://xxlyart.web-52.com/bbs/ShowPost.asp?ThreadID=157783&ViewMode=1

...

I am not into reinventing the wheels and so will do the cut and paste.

Below one more extension:

这句话真的是很有道理，“忠告而善道之，不可则止，勿自辱也”，一个人想要劝朋友如何如何，应该用什么方式呢？一般是忠告，但有时忠告的太理直气壮，不得分寸，让朋友下不来台，也会事得其反。

这些忠告的把握，记得于丹曾说，忠告良药一定苦口吗，一定要当头棒喝吗，你可以娓娓道来，这叫善道之，不见得要声色俱厉。你好好跟他说，但是不可则止，一定要知道，说得不投机就停下来，不要自取屈辱。这就是朋友之间的分寸把握。

朋友之间也不能说你揪着对方，你必须要怎么怎么样，其实在今天这个社会里，每一个人都是值得尊敬的，朋友之间的这种尊敬，好好的说出你的忠告尽你的一份责任，这就是好朋友了。所以好朋友从不做过分的事，不要对朋友的态度过分，也永远不要鼓动朋友去做过分的事情，这其实就是孔子所说的什么是好朋友，好朋友是在我们的身边永远让我们以理性远离危险的人，同时又是用一种快乐之心鼓励我们坦荡而欢乐去面对生活的人。

我觉得还有一些情况，比如一些人去忠告朋友时，是不是先想一想自己之所以出头露面、正言而谈的真正目的是什么；是不是心底坦荡站在一个公正的立场上；是不是说的话有理有节；是不是在一个恰当的时机、恰当的氛围，这些都很重要，这也叫有脸色，眼里会气。

同时，还应该再审视一下自己，确实想忠告朋友时，也要先看看自己是否有这个实力，也就是说话是不是站位置，能否得到足够的重视，这样才不会越劝越忙，越帮越乱，事得其反。不可则止，勿自辱也。这叫事可而止，知难而退。

在很多事情上，先退一步，再想办法，再选时机，只要最终的目的达成，何必急在一时，针锋相对呐？不光朋友之间，对待学生、家长是不是也要注意呢?

很多时候我们都是自以为“救世主”般的教训学生、家长，我们可能是在态度上没有注意到，归根结底是没有把学生、家长当成一个朋友，而是站在对立的立场上，体现出自己的“优越性”。回想这些年，没少“教训”人家，想想真是太无知了，还认为自己做了好事一般。所以，从现在开始，一定要控制住自己，用适当的方法劝告，如果不行，就换一种方式，切不可“一吐为快”，因为“欲速则不达”。

source:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_3d57ca850100vvxf.html

From the blog posts that insider quoted, my understanding is that we do not give advice based on our attitude of us being more superior than the other person. The tone of voice, real motive, words chosen (maybe also facial expressions/body language) as well as whether the conversation is held in a favourable atmosphere/condition are important factors that determine how and when to dish out advice. I think the blogger is addressing the issue of the 说教式 “preaching” way of giving advice, which is very common, especially in the Asian culture.

Honesty:

My DD is a lefty and was told it is difficulty to learn violin. Is it true? Any adv.

Honesty:

The difficulty is the coordinaton. DD now trained to use right hand to hold the bow and left hand to hold the violin... is this correct?

Kekeke…this is really interesting. Learning to play a musical instrument is not like learning to hold a pencil to write or learning to eat with chopsticks! In fact, I think it’ll be easier for lefties to learn string instruments (violin, cello etc) because the LH finger work can be very difficult for higher grades. Bow control of the RH involves more of the wrist, elbow and arm.

As for coordination, whether lefties or righties also same problem.

Jennifer:

sunflower:

[quote=\"TheAnswer\"]How to find so much time to sleep? :?

I sleep about 7 hours on weekdays. Weekdays 6 hours. I have a hectic schedule on weekends.

Hee, hee, that's why I always do not have enough sleep!

with KSP, even harder to sleep early :rotflmao:[/quote] :rotflmao: True, true...Not only KSP, applies to anything related to the internet! Sooo...something to do for health today is to REDUCE internet time!

tankee:

sunflower:

[quote=\"Jennifer\"]

what's the usual number of hours you clocked?

I cant survive on 6 hours only. Will fall sick.

Same, same. Me need 9-10hrs! :faint:

usually 5 to 5.5 hrs on weekday and 6 to 8 hrs on weekend[/quote]So envy. How I wish 5-6 hrs of sleep is enough for me. :sad:

TheAnswer:

sunflower:

[quote=\"Jennifer\"]

what's the usual number of hours you clocked?

I cant survive on 6 hours only. Will fall sick.

Same, same. Me need 9-10hrs! :faint:

How to find so much time to sleep? :?
I sleep about 7 hours on weekdays. Weekdays 6 hours. I have a hectic schedule on weekends.[/quote]Hee, hee, that's why I always do not have enough sleep!

Jennifer:

BeContented:

Plan to start ironing 1 hour earlier so that I can sleep earlier & hope to get 6 hours of sleeptime.

what's the usual number of hours you clocked?

I cant survive on 6 hours only. Will fall sick.

Same, same. Me need 9-10hrs! :faint:

Looks like one of the passengers is pregnant. Think they were too scared and didn’t know what was actually happening. Reflex action would be to get out of the cab and away from the cars as soon as possible.

Hi FQW, suggesting some titles of general knowledge books to try out, some of which were my DD1’s favourites when she was in primary school.


1.\tActually Factually: Mind-blowing myths, muddles and misconceptions by Guy Campbell.
2.\tKids Almanac (Year) by National Geographic.
3.\tTIME for Kids Almanac (Year)
4.\t1001 Shocking Science Facts by Anne Rooney.

Just to share, a friend who migrated to Australia quite some years back said that she enjoys more family life now, as compared to when she was in Singapore and had to slog a 10-12 hrs workday, leaving her young children in the care of her maid.


She shared that the first few years were tough, but the government provided some help to pull through that period. Her hubby got promoted later so they’re pretty stable financially now. She went on to form her own network of friends and is currently staying in a decent house, still renting because housing prices have gone up so buying a house is expensive.