In-law problems?

[minnie2004]

After reading all the posts here, fianally I feel I’m not alone. I’ve never hated a person in my life until I encountered my MIL ("M" stands for "monster" here), and I’m generally considered the nice/non-aggressive/easy-going type. Even though she lives in another continent, those annual gatherings are enough to bring me down. Since our disastrous family vacation with her and BIL’s family during CNY in 2008, I was depressed for the whole year, getting sick all the time with stomach problems and allergies. She doesn’t call our home anymore to avoid talking to me after that but I know she’s complaining to DH behind my back. My relationship with DH also deteriorated sharply.


Here’s a little background about her: she’s a widow from Taiwan who raised her 2 sons all by herself in the U.S. Now lives alone while both sons are working in Asia. At first I respected her for her will power in raising 2 kids all by herself in a foreign land, and sympathized her for ending up in an empty nest. But her bitterness and mean personality slowly erased every little bit of respect I have left for her. To her the only purpose of DILs is to take care of her sons and produce offspring for the family. Though I never expected her to treat me like her own daughter, at least I deserve to be treated like a human being.

There’s a long list of things she had said and done which made me so angry that I don’t know where to begin. I know it’s my health which is going to suffer if I don’t get rid of these kind of negative feelings but it’s really hard to let go. I have sworn not to see her again but I’ll feel sick even hearing DH mentions her in front of my kids.

[kitty2]

tree nymph:

kitty2,

its basically seahorse... ??? medically halls will definately have it. not expensive.

:thankyou: tree nymph.May i know how often you need to drink it?When you'll see the effect?

[pecalis]

minnie2004:

There's a long list of things she had said and done which made me so angry that I don't know where to begin. I know it's my health which is going to suffer if I don't get rid of these kind of negative feelings but it's really hard to let go. I have sworn not to see her again but I'll feel sick even hearing DH mentions her in front of my kids.

It's good that you know this.

Poor minnie2004. You have our silent support and prayers

[minnie2004]

thanks pecalis. i feel better just by talking about it.

[pineapple tarts]

"Jia You" minnie2004, may buddha bless u.

[minnie2004]

Things were not right even before I got married. My parents invited my then future MIL to our renion dinner on CNY eve. It was a tradition for my parents to cook a big dinner on that day, usually with over 10 dishes. Its not a simply task and it took them a whole day to prepare. And yet after the dinner, instead of showing any appreciation, she complained to his son, i.e. my then boyfriend that our kitchen was too small and the dishes were too cold! I was so mad :x


A few years back when she had an open-heart surgery, we flew all the way to the U.S. to visit her with our 9-month old DD. I helped take care of her, cooked bird's nest for her even though I've never done it for myself. She took it all for granted as if I owed her something. Once I made a comment that her house was very dirty when doing cleaning for her. She heard it and became extremely offended, saying \"who's going to clean the house while I'm sick\". I became a scapegoat for her being sick and left living alone. She even said to DH behind my back, which i overheard, that \"this woman has no \"jiao yang\" (not well-brought-up)\" for not washing the dishes as I was too busy tending my baby, who's crawling around all day in a non child-proved house. In the meantime, her own \"well-brought-up\" sons were watching tv and chitchating. Eventaully we were even kicked out of the house and had to move to a hotel.

Below are some hightlight of what she said to me:
1. \"If I died tonight, I will become a ghost to catch you”
2. “Who asked you to come here? Even brought the baby. How can you take care of me with the baby here?”
3. “I can’t go to sleep with the baby crying like that”
4. \"You have done nothing for me” even after I helped her cleaned up her place, cooked her bird's nest etc.
5. “The helper (part-time) was hired to serve me, not you guys”
6. “Get out! I need to rest”, when I asked her how she was feeling.

Looking back, I don't know if i shud laugh or cry. I tried to forgive her as she just went thru a major surgery at the time but she has been mean to me ever since.

Sorry to bore you with my long post. Once I started I just couldn't stop :rant:

[tree nymph]

minnie2004,

no, not long post.

yah, i think she is quite unreasonable. Aren't you glad that you are far far away from her?

[minnie2004]

I'm already considered lucky compared to some of you who live with your MILs. It's unimaginable for me! DH is planning a vacation to U.S. this summer to visit MIL. I already told him I won't stay in her house (who would be stupid enough to return to a host who's kicked you out before?). I'll just join part of the trip and come back early myself. Although I'll be worried about my kids but I have no choice.

[auntieM]

Hi minnie2004,

You mean you will be leaving kids behind wth hubby and MIL whle you head back early?
Are your hubby aware of her ‘hostile’ attitude towards you?
Your MIL reminds me of the show ‘The Joy Luck Club’
Must have been really difficult for you.

[minnie2004]

Dear auntieM,

Yes that’s what I intend to do since there’s no way that me and MIL can live under one roof. My DH is well aware of her hostility towards me that’s why he can’t really say no. I think his mom also doesn’t want me in her house anyway.

He always thinks I’m over-reacting but the problem is he can’t fully get the hidden meaning of some of MIL’s sarcastic remarks in mandarin. He always says it’s no bid deal because he simply doesn’t get it! He knows his mom was being unreasonable most of the time but she is afterall his mom.