Club Only Child Club
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It’s indeed true that having more kids doesn’t necessarily mean the parents will definitely have it easy after retirement. But all else being equal, the chances of this happening (parents have it easy) to parents with more kids are higher than those of parents with one kid. Other factors will play a (sometime big) part in the eventual outcome, but we’re saying all else being equal - take away other variables lah…
The analogy is to be really health conscious and eat right, exercise well, live right, etc. with the intention of living a long life. Despite doing all these, there is no guarantee that such a person will not meet with any accident or ill fortune to be struck by serious/incurable disease along the way. But if you take away all these ‘variables’, this person is indeed likely to live longer than one who smoke, drink heavily, eat unhealthily, don’t exercise, etc.
To have more siblings (if circumstances allow) does have some advantages. DW and her then still-single younger bro had to take turn to care for and tend to my ailing Mother-in-law during the 7 yr that she was diagnosed with cancer. The first 6 yr were ok, with the occasional surgery or chemo sessions that DW would have to make arrangements to care for her. But during the final year, when we have 2 kids already, it was obviously a bit of a strain physically (on top of emotionally) for DW. But she knew that it was her responsibility too, and she genuinely want to spend more time with my mil - and of course she wanted to help my bil out, as he was even more physically and emotionally-drained as he’s working and staying with my mil. It would have been unimaginable if either one of them was not supporting each other, as well as my mil, during those days.
All these time, they have 2 other siblings who were overseas and did/could not chip in to help. The good thing is we’re not blaming them, and just get it over with. But to have siblings offering support during such times is obviously a big advantage.
Can you imagine this unlikely - but not impossible - scenario:
- very old grandparents in 90s x 2; sicky (nothing serious, but just typical old age)
- ageing parents (who are single child and in their late 60s, retired) and in-laws x 4; need to take care of their parents at times; one suffers a fall, need surgery + hospitalised
- a couple in mid 30s, both working, and both too are single child, and they have a young toddler at childcare, who could be prone to the flu or cold that is so common at childcare centre… and suay suay at this moment kanna HFMD… so need stay home to be cared for.
given such a situation, one will really regret there isn’t more siblings to give mutual support… -
My hubby and I come from small families, and I always envy people who have large happy families. However after having our first child all thoughts of having more than 1 child flew right out of the window. We will be very happy spending all our time, energy, and resources nurturing our only child. But sometimes I will wonder if only child will grow up lonely.
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Donkey Kong:
Personally, I don't think this tactic will work. At least not for me. It all boils down to the children's mentality and attitude when they become adults, and how well they respect their parents. If my parents ingrain the fact that they brought up their children just so that they have 'insurance' in old age, I will feel very sad.Alamak, my colleague's financial planning is wrong? :?
He works to pay for their tuitions, so that all three kids become GEP, then all universities. Then, educates them daily by chanting: must give dad/mom $$$ when you grow up.
He expects to collect $1500 each from 3 kids after 60. Wow, S$4500 monthly income.. better than annuity from AIA. He said educating them now very important. Programming into their brains. Must feed parents. :celebrate:
Do you think it will work? :lol: -
Hello,
i’m new here. I am the only child. So is my son. My mom died when i was 2 weeks old due to childbirth complications. My dad was 38 den. When i was in sec 2, he stopped working due to his medical conditions. I was expected to quit schooling after ‘o’ levels as i needed to support him. I was very sad den as i did better den most of my pals who went to poly. But, not good enough for scholarship. As such, i grew up being a ‘not so happy’ person who really was at some point, ‘disappointed’ and ‘ashamed’ for having such a useless dad. however, i still supported him and till now, i’m still doing so. Now he has his ‘little’ cpf given to him, so i can support lesser. I married young so i’m now 26 and my son is 5. I believe in investing his education, not because i wan him to take care of me in the future. I hope that he will be able to have a good education and be a righteous person for his own sake and lead a happy life. He doesn’t have to have alot of $$. He just have to respect the laws, be happy wif what he’s doing. I feel this is the best that we can give our children. HAPPINESS
P.S. i live with my in-laws wif my dad staying over every weekend. Still happy with this extended family arrangement. -
sakura_2009:
Errrr... yah the parents discuss, but the child has no choice right?
For those who chose to have only one child, I guess this is a fact that would have been discussed and accepted already, isn't it?toddles:
Although must admit, am feeling the downside now. Cos have to shoulder the burden of ageing parents, who will likely have medical needs in future. no one to discuss with, except DH, and it's not the same as having a sibling, cos he also has his parents to care for and think about. And best friends can't share the emotional burden of caring for your parents.
:roll: -
toddles:
Errrr... yah the parents discuss, but the child has no choice right?[/quote]Yup, that's what the fact is all about - that the only child can't share the emotional burden of caring for their elderly parents. But as the parents, I think we have the choice of not creating too heavy a burden for the child to care for us in old age - both financially and emotionally...
For those who chose to have only one child, I guess this is a fact that would have been discussed and accepted already, isn't it?sakura_2009:
[quote=\"toddles\"]
Although must admit, am feeling the downside now. Cos have to shoulder the burden of ageing parents, who will likely have medical needs in future. no one to discuss with, except DH, and it's not the same as having a sibling, cos he also has his parents to care for and think about. And best friends can't share the emotional burden of caring for your parents.
:roll: -
Yes, that is true too so insurance is of utmost importance!
I am fully covered and I have my policies reviewed yearly. I also save religiously in my girl's account.sakura_2009:
Yup, that's what the fact is all about - that the only child can't share the emotional burden of caring for their elderly parents. But as the parents, I think we have the choice of not creating too heavy a burden for the child to care for us in old age - both financially and emotionally...
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xavierine_angel:
Hi, xavierine_angel, your in laws are kind to have this type of arrangement. At least your dad can have some quality time with you all in the weekend and don't feel so lonely.Hello,
i'm new here. I am the only child. So is my son. My mom died when i was 2 weeks old due to childbirth complications. My dad was 38 den. When i was in sec 2, he stopped working due to his medical conditions. I was expected to quit schooling after 'o' levels as i needed to support him. I was very sad den as i did better den most of my pals who went to poly. But, not good enough for scholarship. As such, i grew up being a 'not so happy' person who really was at some point, 'disappointed' and 'ashamed' for having such a useless dad. however, i still supported him and till now, i'm still doing so. Now he has his 'little' cpf given to him, so i can support lesser. I married young so i'm now 26 and my son is 5. I believe in investing his education, not because i wan him to take care of me in the future. I hope that he will be able to have a good education and be a righteous person for his own sake and lead a happy life. He doesn't have to have alot of $$. He just have to respect the laws, be happy wif what he's doing. I feel this is the best that we can give our children. HAPPINESS
P.S. i live with my in-laws wif my dad staying over every weekend. Still happy with this extended family arrangement.
I am thinking, if both sides are single child, its not a bad idea to get a big house, children, parents and in-laws all stay together.
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Hi all,
After all this discussion, how do we go about starting a support group for parents with one child only?
By way of another forum?
Any suggestions? -
I think we need someone to take the lead to start the group going. Then whoever is really interested to join the support group can PM the person directly so that personal arrangement to meet up or whatever can be arranged. Just my humble opinion.
kaitlynangelica:
Hi all,
After all this discussion, how do we go about starting a support group for parents with one child only?
By way of another forum?
Any suggestions?
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