In-law problems?
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thebusybee:
Yeah. Challenges before victory matures us in the long run and its a more
buds,
I admired your tolerance, perseverance and courage. We always wished things in life are smooth and I believe if things are too easy in life, one won't appreciate what we have.
Above are views from someone brought up with traditional values....
I'm old school...
deservingly satisfying end relationship. Having said that not all turn out
with the silver lining eventually.. -
[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]
My daughter is currently 16mths, i am planing to send her to MMI tampines for a full day programme. I have been staying with my in laws ever since i got married. My mother has been taking care of my daughter after my 3mths leave till i return from work. She does not allow me to bring my daughter out without her around. Thus my daughter stays at home everyday except sat the whole family will out together.
I am sending my daughter into childcare cos she watches tv(taiwanise drama mainly) at home everyday. And she is able to enter N1 next Jan.
And i want her to join a mth playgrp before she enters N!.
However, my mother in law have e wrong feeling that i do not want her to look after my daughter. Even after i try to explain the suitation with her. She just continue to slam doors n showwing me a black face.
I am still working as a receptionst 5 n half days a week. -
pinkmeru76:
hi Pinkmeru76, firstly I am a dad.[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]
My daughter is currently 16mths, i am planing to send her to MMI tampines for a full day programme. I have been staying with my in laws ever since i got married. My mother has been taking care of my daughter after my 3mths leave till i return from work. She does not allow me to bring my daughter out without her around. Thus my daughter stays at home everyday except sat the whole family will out together.
I am sending my daughter into childcare cos she watches tv(taiwanise drama mainly) at home everyday. And she is able to enter N1 next Jan.
And i want her to join a mth playgrp before she enters N!.
However, my mother in law have e wrong feeling that i do not want her to look after my daughter. Even after i try to explain the suitation with her. She just continue to slam doors n showwing me a black face.
I am still working as a receptionst 5 n half days a week.
For controversial issues, I would be the one who broach the subjects with my parents and I manage their expectations etc. My wife stays out of it to avoid potential conflicts. So far, we still have conflicts but I am sure minimized by reducing the opportunities for controversial discussions.
So, you should consider letting your hubby handle some of these issues. Just my 2 cts worth. -
pinkmeru76:
Maybe can send her to the 3 hrs playgroup instead of childcare? At least she can bring her to school rather than whole day with the childcare?[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]
My daughter is currently 16mths, i am planing to send her to MMI tampines for a full day programme. I have been staying with my in laws ever since i got married. My mother has been taking care of my daughter after my 3mths leave till i return from work. She does not allow me to bring my daughter out without her around. Thus my daughter stays at home everyday except sat the whole family will out together.
I am sending my daughter into childcare cos she watches tv(taiwanise drama mainly) at home everyday. And she is able to enter N1 next Jan.
And i want her to join a mth playgrp before she enters N!.
However, my mother in law have e wrong feeling that i do not want her to look after my daughter. Even after i try to explain the suitation with her. She just continue to slam doors n showwing me a black face.
I am still working as a receptionst 5 n half days a week. -
pinkmeru76:
Hiya[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]
However, my mother in law have e wrong feeling that i do not want her to look after my daughter. Even after i try to explain the suitation with her. She just continue to slam doors n showwing me a black face.
I am still working as a receptionst 5 n half days a week.
May i suggest that you hv MIL send DD to a 2-3 hrs programme initially, before going full day. Involve her in going to check out the various centres/locations, letting her feel that she is part of the decision making process, instead of just announcing to her that from this date on, DD is going to be out of her care. This will help MIL with her separation anxiety, since she has been taking care of DD since birth. My mom underwent the same situation with my nephew.
When my nephew started kindergarten nearer to his own home, my sis decided to let him attend the childcare too. My mom didn't talk to my sis for 3 months, said things like \"Oh, i m not needed anymore\" \"When he grows up, he won't even recognise me on the street\" \"Whos better to take care of children than grandma\", etc. Now, she is glad that 9yo nephew is independent and a very self-disciplined student/person.
Due to that experience, I didn't let her look after my boy, instead he went to infant care near to her place, so she can be stand-by incase of illness, centre closures, etc. I told her that since gov't give so much subsidies, its a waste not to utilise it.
Be patience with MIL, she just love granddaughter very much, so shes a little upset. Rope in your hubby to help in explaining the situation too. Assure her that DD is getting the best of both worlds, where she attends cc to learn/play/socialise which grandma has limited resources in these areas and when she comes home she gets special care from grandma. :love:
Hope this helps.... don't feel despair.
:celebrate: -
insider:
A lot of in-laws are not good with English so you can use that as a reason to send your child to school/childcare/enrichment. I'm sure they cannot be so blind as to ignore the fact that being able to use English proficiently in this country (and in many parts of the world) will allow your child to get into good schs, get gd jobs, be successful, earn lots of money and make your in-laws proud later on.When dealing with in laws, feel sometimes have to speak some white lies such as coz you hv heard if your child go to that school, she will read well by 6 and emphasise the importance of academic requirements in P1; such as you have realised your child is very good in recognising letters/numbers/words and so you want more exposure for her to develop to be a VERY CLEVER child in pr school (those types of stories that will match what you think your in law wants to see in her grandchildren. Usually 'clever', 'smart', 'successful' directions).
The essence of when you trying to sell your in laws the concept of a centre is to focus on the education and not the care part coz care part your in law can provide but not the education part. Of course many may say \"So small, learn what?. Then it is your duty to tell them the importance of starting kids from young nowadays (convincing them this is easier than trying to convince them about their TV watching is bad for your child).
Good luck!
If your in-laws are also not good with Mandarin, you can also say that childcare will improve her Mandarin language skills.
ADD: If your MIL asks why need to start sch so young, just say that it is easier for child to pick up language and be proficient in it is he/she starts young. It is more difficult to learn and do well if he/she picks it up later.
Good luck! ^_^ -
Personally, what I did was to lay on the table the pros and cons of sending the kid to child care. It was an unanimous and easy decision for us.
make them happy by agreeing to the cons first -
1) child will get sick easier
2) child will pick up bad language
3) child will have less time with grandparents
4) child may be stressed (from bullying etc) and become unhappy
Go on to the pros last and you have to stress on benefits which they cannot provide. Provide overwhelming pros coz older folks will have shorter memory to remember all the earlier cons
1) child will have better learning and practising opportunities to pick up both languages - English, Chinese etc (not many grandparents are competent in both languages)
2) child will have play activities which grandparents will not have enough energy to catch up
3) child will learn to be independent faster - tie shoelace, eat on their own, read on their own etc
4) centre have a more structured timetable, kids learn to be more disciplined. Grandparents tend to spoil the kids (my parents agreed and laughed sheepishly at this, lol)
5) centre will provide regular and outdoor activities to develop the kids' pyschomotor skills. Similar to (2)
6) centre usually have enrichment programmes, which would save some money and weekend time for the parents.
7) children will get tougher after going thru the initial \"sick\" period
children will get more street smart in learning how to deal with difficult friends (and bullies)
9) children will develop social skills with other children and adults
10) grandparents deserve some private time
11) Teachers are trained to spot talents and potential must be identified as early as possible. (All grandparents want to have giffted grandkids too - kiasugrandparents!)
12) tell grandparents horror stories of other centres. :rotflmao:
A few assurance activities would be
1) bring them to see the centres and especially if you know some of the teachers, let the teachers speak to them.
2) let them look at behaviour of existing \"students\".
3) request grandparents to still contribute by looking after them after the child care hours (this one important, they need to feel that they are essential and important) -
My husband was e one who inform her anout school. Now my MIL is angry with everyone at home.
I am thinking my sending her 5 a full day childcare. Sending her for 2-3 class is good but those classes just let they play nothing much to learn thats what i heard and keep changing school may affect her cos different schools have different methods of teaching.
It just happen that my 2nd niece will be born this Dec, MIL says that she will need to take care of the new baby after taking care of mine daughter, we sure are very good in planning. :? She's good at chaining things up. But what to do she's my MIL anyway. -
Sigh no privacy living with in-laws… but will try to close one eye about conflicts, so as not to make things difficult for DH…
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My STUPID (couldn't find a better word for it) SIL did this yesterday when we had to go there for dinner.
DH was with MIL discussing her family problems (like it's unusual) in a room. So immunity level from IL is especially low.
DS2 (2 year old) was trying to climb up to sit on her lap with the rest of us in the living area watching 'Finding Nemo'.
She carried DS2 to her lap and said the following:
'You are a dirty boy, you know or not? You are very dirty. You are really dirty boy, you know? What a dirty boy!'
I was like :shock:. :whut: did DS2 do?????????
SIL's hubby was at the area too. DS2 tried to climb onto the chair my SIL had sat on. He shouted at him,
'No. No! No! Oeiii!'
I was :x, felt like :torchme: her and :wrongmove: him.
When DH came to join us, OH... everything became so different.
DS2 was sitted beside SIL's hubby. DS2 moved to touch him, his hubby said,'Yes, what do you want? Oh, water.' (Passed the water to DS2 and smiled broadly to DH)
:stupid: :stupid: :stupid:
Related everything to DH and he was very angry too. Why do people just like to ACT?
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