how to improve wife and my parents relationship
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MMM:
MMM, i like your description :!:
Seriously... I am praying that we don't get this kind of DILs. There are MILs from hell. There are DILs from hell too. -
duriz, but at least your sil's willing to live with your mum, so there's still hope she may change. :lol:
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dimsum:
duriz, but at least your sil's willing to live with your mum, so there's still hope she may change. :lol:
Sadly, not by choice of either one of them.
My brother took my Mom in because she fell ill, almost right after I got married.
SIL had no say, neither did my Mom, who went unwillingly.
Good thing she still has her own flat to return to.
My drama-mama told me, the next time she falls ill, to please leave her for the dead, by the road, outside the hospital, rather than admit her. I told her 1st - not to be such a dramaqueen, and that the gahmen will fine me for abandoning my own parent
I remember when my Mom's flat was under reno and I was waiting for my own flat, we lived with my brother and SIL for a few months. Those few months coincided with CNY and my birthday (the beginning of the year). SIL commented:\"Wah, 38 liao still have to give you two angpows\" :x
When I got married and had DD, SIL then commented:\"Aiyoh, angpow cannot save, now must give your dotter\" :x
But they managed to go holiday both years I was married and DD's first CNY this year, so upon their return, no angpows either way. SIL motto must be \"Act blur, live longer\" :shock:
But my own two cents to ALL KSP PARENTS here: be like my Mom and I, have your own homes/flats, where you can retreat/relax/retire in, rather than be nasty to your children-in-laws or worse be at their mercy. -
It’s quite a tough situation to be in, although I do not mean to rub it in.
There is no shortage of DIL–MIL problems, and it’s so difficult for the husband/son to be stuck in between.
In this case, if it is based purely on what is said, then the wife/DIL comes across as very unreasonable. But there could of course be a reason behind it, so it’s impt to find out about that.
While a wife and a mother are 2 different parts of a man, and these should be viewed separately and not mixed together, it might not be so straightforward for everyone.
If a son is very filial and close to the parents, it would not be easy to accept that his wife is so disrespectful to his parents. A friend of mine also once told me that he might consider divorcing as the misunderstanding between his wife and his mother was so bad that her wife would not visit the PILs place during CNY, etc… This is different if the in-laws treat the wife badly and the husband understands it and agrees with the wife.
The only way out is to find out what inherent problem there exists, and try to solve it. Even if a solution is not found, at least understanding the problem will help improve the situation. As it is, it’s a case of the wife being so unreasonable beyond comprehension. Not healthy… -
Hi w_y_chung,
I urge you to find out the cause of this unhappiness. There must be a reason for this. -
dolphinsiah:
Hi Dolphinsiah,Good moring Chung,
After reading what you have written....I can imagine what you are going through.... :stupid:
especially now you have a child...
But it seems that your story is not complete...leh...
why does your spouse behave like that towards your parents...
Was there any misunderstanding between them... :?
Or you did something very wrong...like have an affair....
and now she is holding everything against you....
So what is the other side of the story....just KPO a bit :roll:
It really beats me how she developed this idea towards my parents.
She avoided to meet them even before meeting them for the first time. At that time I thought it could be due to i) we are not steady enough yet, or ii) she is very shy.
No I didn't have an affair. Even so she should avoid me not my parents I suppose, and more likely take the chance to complain to my parents!
Yes this is purely my side of the story.
I wish I know what's on her mind...
any idea on how to extract info this from her? -
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qms:
Well, I thought over time she'll feel more comfy to talk to my folks.
Could thread starter have married the wife, thinking that she would change? :scratchhead:
Apparently I was too optimistic. Now I can only :? -
3Boys:
Good idea, I pose her the question. I was thinking I use myself vs her parents but I was afraid she takes it as a threat / revenge from me. Future children-in-law is neutral.Ask her, how would she feel if her future children-in-law basically cold-shouldered her?
Don't reconsider this marriage on account of this, but nonetheless, don't allow her to use that posture to bully and intimidate you, and stop you from confronting the issue.
Actually what shocked me was that her frequent use of 'reconsider marriage' (she did not say divorce). Makes me wonder how much confidence / respect she has on a marriage at times. But then, maybe just because she is angry at that moment and not choosing her words carefully. -
MMM:
haha. Even though my daughter is not even going to day care, I already thought about how I would behave when she brings home her boyfriend one day. hahahaha :?: maybe I am one of those nitpicking FIL :lol:I only have 1 comment.
As potential MIL one day, I hope that we don't lose our son the moment he is married.
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