Club SAHM

[RRMummy]

ChiefKiasu:

Cannot... bang too much liao. My mommy told me long time ago that too much banging of head on walls will really make me stupid.

haiz.. guess I need to throw my 'weeja' board also.. not accurate wan...

[sunflower]

Many years ago when I had only one child, I was working fulltime, had a maid and sent my child to childcare centre. I used to lament how little time I had with my child and felt that SAHM had all the time in the world to teach their children fruitfully. I used to think that SAHM has lots of free time, (you know, like my maid who was quite “eng” when my girl was in childcare with nobody at home). In fact, many of my working friends also have that misconception. Now that I’m a SAHM, I feel that it’s even worse off than when I was working! (This sentiment was shared by quite a number of my friends who turned SAHM.) I was actually more disciplined in teaching my DD1 when I was working. You know, just concentrate on teaching and leave the cooking and cleaning, (ie. maintaining the house, which can take up quite a lot time) to maid.


Now with 2 children with diverse needs due to large age gap, there’re 101 things to do, esp without having a maid around (frankly I don’t like having maids as I value my privacy more). I was actually quite depressed and took some time to adjust to being a SAHM. Now, “home" work tends to get more physically demanding and not mentally stimulating. I dislike repetitive and boring chores, preferring to work my brains than my muscles. Am still trying to find ways to be more productive, as my children developmental needs change ever so quickly at different stages of growing up. I really need to adapt and adjust very quickly and be attuned to their very diversified and different stages of growing up, which sometimes disrupt my planned schedules and routines.

I guess to be an effective SAHM, you need to be very disciplined and has lots of energy to be on call 24 hrs a day (esp with a baby).

[flim]

hi twins!


thanks so much for your suggestion. that sounds really good! i never thought you can do volunteer work from home. are you doing it from home too? what sort of work is it?

actually when i wrote that it can get really boring being a SAHM, it’s not so much about the free time involved. because there is really very little of that… it’s more about the kind of activities i do being a SAHM.

my daughter is 4 years old. sometimes i feel bored playing cooking with my daughter, because it’s very repetitive! sometimes i feel bored playing pretend (my daughter does this a LOT! i have to be all kinds of things). just as sunflower said, it isn’t very mentally stimulating, well, at least for me.

and more often than not, playing leads to a standoff. it’s difficult playing with your child when you’re the parent. i can’t always let her play the way she wants. when she plays unfairly, i have to correct her. with she speaks rudely, i have to correct her. this kinda play is definitely not fun for her nor me (which is why i’m now looking for a kindergarten/childcare with a lot of playtime in its syllabus, though i still haven’t found one, so my daughter can at least have some play opportunities with kids her age).

that’s just my experience. i hope it helps.

so what do you think so far, puzzle?

[jedamum]

flim:

my daughter is 4 years old. sometimes i feel bored playing cooking with my daughter, because it's very repetitive! sometimes i feel bored playing pretend (my daughter does this a LOT! i have to be all kinds of things). just as sunflower said, it isn't very mentally stimulating, well, at least for me.

I have to restrain from playing 'cooking', 'house - with figurines' games with my elder....that is what I am usually interested in playing. He just want cars cars cars...park here, park there...cannot turn here or there...haiz...101 traffic rules.
Now that he'd got a lego set (a fire station), i am tempting to do pretend play...but wonders if it is too girly.

flim:

and more often than not, playing leads to a standoff. it's difficult playing with your child when you're the parent. i can't always let her play the way she wants. when she plays unfairly, i have to correct her. with she speaks rudely, i have to correct her.

I used to have this problem too! My elder boy wants to win all the time! Even at the expense of following the rules! When I win, he sulks. Playing with him is tough. But thankfully that is 3 years ago. Since the younger one starts knowing how to play, my elder boy is happier bossing the younger one around. :roll:

[schellen]

jedamum:

I have to restrain from playing 'cooking', 'house - with figurines' games with my elder....that is what I am usually interested in playing. He just want cars cars cars...park here, park there...cannot turn here or there...haiz...101 traffic rules.

Now that he'd got a lego set (a fire station), i am tempting to do pretend play...but wonders if it is too girly.

This part cannot help you already cos my DD will play anything, from cooking to doctor to cars and Lego. She also has a toy toolkit and she used to like watching Handy Manny until she outgrew it. Maybe sashimi will ahve something to say from a guy's point of view?

jedamum:

I used to have this problem too! My elder boy wants to win all the time! Even at the expense of following the rules! When I win, he sulks. Playing with him is tough. But thankfully that is 3 years ago. Since the younger one starts knowing how to play, my elder boy is happier bossing the younger one around. :roll:

We learned to \"teach\" our DD fair play. I think we pretended to whine and sulk and throw a tantrum too to show her how she is like when she loses. Although we \"let water\" occasionally to balance the odds, she is better at being a good sport now.

[sashimi]

I think a child should play whatever he/she’s interested in. So long as everything is played in moderation (PC games, toy guns, dolls, cooking, macdonalds cashier, etc) there should be no issue.


But yes there’s the matter of gender inequality. Boys are boring. They are expected to play boy stuff only, no dolls, etc. girls can play anything and get away with it. This is why I say being female is better than being male.

OK with regards to staying at home and playing with the child, it all depends on the parent. Admittedly I fall into the "wah lao this is SOOOOO boring, can I go now?.. I got gundam to build…" when my DD insists I play house/cashier/school with her. My brain often chokes with boredom when I have to play with her.

I believe some parents are less demanding, so they don’t mind playing all sorts of things with the child. I can’t.

Things were better when my DD got older and can handle Lego, which is more intellectual. My DD is also good at Uno. She also enjoys jenga or whatever the falling wooden tower thing is called; battleships and Chinese checkers.

But I must correct schellen on one thing - our DD still suffers from sore loser syndrome, so very often before the start of a match I have to make her sign pinkie contract not to whine if she loses. (Then I kelong and make sure she wins at least a game or two).

One "game" I enjoy is drawing together. It’s not only fun, but allows your child to reveal certain things about her world view, and also you get a very nice souvenir at the end. Also very cheap. Just get a few pieces of paper, two pencils and each person takes turn to suggest something to draw, eg. animals. You draw one, she draws one. Laughter and delight usually ensues.

I Spy books are also fun.

[schellen]

sashimi:

OK with regards to staying at home and playing with the child, it all depends on the parent. Admittedly I fall into the \"wah lao this is SOOOOO boring, can I go now?.... I got gundam to build....\" when my DD insists I play house/cashier/school with her. My brain often chokes with boredom when I have to play with her.

<snip>
I Spy books are also fun.

If it is once per game for pretend play, then not so bad cos I usually don't play the mundane, realistic way with her. I use her favourite teddybear (which her classmates at sch had the fortune of meeting ) to act out the role of customer/patient/doctor/salesperson, etc. I will add in fantastical things like having an illness that makes the bear does funny things, being an absent-minded cashier (to test her memory and maths skills mah) or a demanding customer (well, we have to learn how to compromise in real life anyway). Since the bear is involved, I don't feel paisei about acting silly and she and I have already enacted many silly stories about its encounters for years. I think can write epic liao.

I Spy books are also expensive but worth the money as they are printed with good quality paper, prints and colours. The binding is also lasting. Therefore, they only have hardcover copies. You can always go the cheaper way by borrowing them from the library (availability and quality of books not guaranteed) or buy the CD-ROM game which is about S$20 each. BUT they don't seem to work on WinXP.

[flim]

mm... my daughter's kind of pretend play is actually more towards the extreme side. it doesn't really involve any physical thing. it only needs the imagination. LOTS of it.


for example. we pretend to be pirates (yes, she likes playing pirates). our pirate ship is the balcony floor. our handphone is our thumb and pinkie. our treasure chest is an imaginary box. everything is 'pretend'. including the binoculars, flag, parrot, bad guys, the sea, the moon and the sun. my mind is tired just thinking about it!

that's probably the kinda game she likes best. the thing is, whenever we play pretend like that, she needs me to play with her. she becomes clueless when i'm not free to play with her, say when i'm cooking. i then ask her to go ahead and play with her own toys, to which she refuses, most of the time.

these days she likes to tell me, when i'm busy cooking, that she wants to paint. so i stop my cooking halfway to prepare her painting stuff, only to have her finish her masterpiece 5 mins later. when asked if she'd like another piece of paper, she says no. hmpf! i probably took more time preparing the painting stuff than her doing the actual painting.

after that, it's back to 'i want you to play with me... have you finished... who's going to play with me...' i can even feel the quality of my cooking deteriorating.

and here i am still considering doing volunteer work??!

i'm thinking, maybe, if i have something like that to do, i can give my daughter a valid reason to give me a break. listen to this. 'mommy needs to send this letter to so and so, dear... there are so many hungry children out there and if we can help them we should. you want to help these children too don't you? so please try to play on your own for 15 mins so i can do something to help these children. by helping me, you're helping them too!' does that sound credible?

[sunset_dae]

Would u sent yr child to childcare centre or take care of him yrself?

[Emelyn]

I have the choice and the time, I will take care of my 3 kids myself.


But people will say that the choice is up to me…haha