Living with Depression

[janet88]

I didn’t realize I had depression back then…went to polyclinic for a referral to Alexandra Hospital. Got a very patient and caring psychiatrist. She got me started on anti-depressant…my condition is controlled now…except near stressful periods like son’s exams.

[ksme]

Hang in there. :hugs:

[Funz]

Thank you all.


I sent an email to DH telling him that I have asked for tentative dates for counselling. When I spoke to him last night, he sounded non-committal. And this morning when I checked my mail, I saw that he sent an email back to me. In it he said he has been entertaining thoughts of ending it all. He wrote a fair bit more about how he feels and also how he is travelling a lot more and not getting many calls from home, or anyone going to the airport to pick him or when he comes home, no one to run to greet him.

I am so angry. I want to scream at him and rant and rail at him. STUPID SELFISH MYOPIC BASTARD!!! Can’t you see what you are doing to your daughter??? Are we not enough for you to feel that life is worth living?What big unsolvable problems do we have? No issues with finance, no major health issues, kids are perfect and normal, no aged invalid parents to support, our relationship is okay if not for this stupid cycle of depression. ARGGGGHHHH!!!

Sorry folks, I have to vent here for I have to reign in whatever I am feeling when I face him. I know a person going through depression cannot help what they are feeling they are not seeing clearly. But I need to explode, and get it out of my system before my kids see me this evening.

I have fixed a counselling session for myself but it could not happen soon enough.

[duriz]

Funz:

I have fixed a counselling session for myself but it could not happen soon enough.

Sorry to hear Funz.
I cannot comment on your DH and his actions/reactions.
But I'm glad to hear that you are doing something for yourself.
I have consulted a close friend of mine who is a psychiatrist as well as life coach. He provided me with a list which you may use if you wish:

Personal Needs and Goals:

Welcome your sensitivity. Learn ways to use it, especially with others.

Examine, reflect, write down the \"themes\" of your life that you are internally addressing when your spouse is \"depressed.\"

Congratulate your self on your tremendous growth and progress.

Be very specific on the changes you want from him.

List factors that \"hold you back\" from him and vice versa.

List of your greatest personal needs.

Continue working hard on defining your life’s purpose. Your children.

I’m working hard on me, and boy, does that feel good. Also very exciting. But, I’m not sure, sometimes, where that leaves me with you.

I want for us to have a richer relationship but it seems there has been so much pain and hurt, on both of our parts, that I wonder, what that means for our future.

I have some very specific needs that I would like you to meet. But, I know this can be very tricky and rather scary. For example, I would like ____________. If you can do that, great. If not, help me understand what gets in the way. Maybe just give it some thought first, and we can get at it later.

What is your situation? Describe your situation. Let it flow. Don't hold back. Then, ask yourself, \"What does this marriage mean for ME?\" What impact does his depression have on my feelings, thoughts and actions? Then rehearse approaching your spouse/partner with phrases that convey the meaning and impact of his depression for YOU.

My best wishes to you and yours :hugs:

[DesertWind]

Dear Funz,


Do give your DH a call to tell him you love him. Also let your kids talk to him and tell him you are all looking forward to see him come back this week. If possible why not just do what he has already said he wants ie. picked him up from the airport with the kids?

Take care, Funz!
:grphug:

Funz:

....I saw that he sent an email back to me. In it he said he has been entertaining thoughts of ending it all. He wrote a fair bit more about how he feels and also how he is travelling a lot more and not getting many calls from home, or anyone going to the airport to pick him or when he comes home, no one to run to greet him.

[Sun_2010]

Funz,

Good that you are moving towards expert help to guide you along.

Duriz , nice pointers,
Just too lazy to do it, but one day i will.

Funz, \"STUPID SELFISH MYOPIC BASTARD\" is what half the wifes would have called their hubby, if not more. In fact that is what i wanted to call DH today morning

U two will get thru this and emerge stronger.

[Sun_2010]

Totally agree with Desert wind.

Why not give him a surprise welcome with your DD?

Your DD is surely gonna love that

[duriz]

Sun_2010:

And would it help to know that many of us are swimming in the same boat. :hugs:

I'm so sorry I missed this Sun_2010.
Try the pointers when you have time, I think they are very useful.
My best wishes and thoughts go to you and yours as well :hugs:

[Funz]

Thank you Duriz. Good pointers.


Desertwind, we did not quarrel. I refuse to engage in a quarrel whenever he is in such a mood. But DD is just so super sensitive and observant. We have been to the airport to send him off and pick him up. He is not seeing things in perspective. He says he is travelling a lot but actually, not so much. In fact this is the first trip he is making in 2 mths. This trip we will not be able to pick him up at the airport as he is coming back while the kids are at school and I’m at work. In fact, most of his timing is such, either he comes back late at night, arriving like at 11+pm or in the middle of the afternoon. Not calling him also not true, when a person is overseas working how many times does he want the family to call. If we are in the same time zone, I will call him roundabout dinner time and again before the kids go to bed for them to say goodnite and at times, after the kids have settled I will call him again. And we will sms each other as well. If in a different time zone, then sms him here and there but will try to make sure that the kids get to talk to him at least once a day.

Tell him I love him? Too angry, way too angry now.

Sun2010, there’s a lot more that I want to hurl in his face.

Come out of this stronger? Maybe. What doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger. But I’m afraid it will change how I see him. How will it affect our relationship going forward? I don’t know.

The things I am feeling now, all the emotions, the jumble of it, anger, guilt, sadness, worry, despair, etc. I need to sort through them. Right now, anger is at the forefront.

[schweppes]

Funz:

The things I am feeling now, all the emotions, the jumble of it, anger, guilt, sadness, worry, despair, etc. I need to sort through them. Right now, anger is at the forefront.

:hugs: to you Funz.

Take care and may you find peace through it all