In-law problems?

[Angelight]

Reading abt all of you talking abt your MILs, I also want to share abt mine. My MIL has always favoured my SIL (wife of DH's bro) over me, and the favouritism is very obvious and blatant.


Anyway, once she asked me to eat the pork belly that she (or rather her maid cooked). I've always hated pork belly, pork knuckles and the like, so I refused nicely. Guess what she said to me?! \"Si Nao Jing!\" (or literally translated as 'Dead Brain\")!

Naturally I was offended by the hurtful remark. But I calmly said to her, \"Mum, not lliking pork belly is a personal choice, not 'Si Nao Jing'.\" She kept quiet after that.

And that's not the only time she did or said something that hurt me. But that's another story...

[kiasume]

duriz:

Count Your Blessings!

That was nice. Thank you Duriz :snuggles:

[janet88]

Angelight:

Reading abt all of you talking abt your MILs, I also want to share abt mine.


Anyway, once she asked me to eat the pork belly that she (or rather her maid cooked). I've always hated pork belly, pork knuckles and the like, so I refused nicely. Guess what she said to me?! \"Si Nao Jing!\".

Naturally I was offended by the hurtful remark. But I calmly said to her, \"Mum, not lliking pork belly is a personal choice, not 'Si Nao Jing'.\" She kept quiet after that.

I understand...it's very hurting. But you have been very tactful to inform that one man's meat is another man's poison. Honestly, the remark is rather uncalled for.

[carrotz]

My mil also likes to talk, maybe the correct word is probe. She is loud, condescending and very tactless. She also has double standards. Sons are more impt. As for daughters, the ones who earn more rank higher. She idolises $ and often reminds her children abt hers. So what price filial piety? According to her, someone who earns a $1000 plus salary is ‘‘yao gui’(hungry ghost in hokkien). "Work for what?" What more for a sahm like me who has no salary. After being part of the family for so long, I know/still feel like I am an outsider.


From a recent incident, it is clear what kind of "values" she has inculcated in her children. I saw and still am repulsed by the actions of 2 sils(her daughters). One rushed to take over and started making suggestions. Her manipulative ways and selfishness are so obvious. The other one took the opportunity to take the maximum advantage out of the situation and worked with the first. Yes, my husband was manipulated but he will never dare to incur the wrath of mil by saying no to the sils. All the ugliness could have been ávoided if mil had done her part. Seems like she is just waiting to see who the ‘filial’’ ones are. This is so sad.

My own experiences with her and a sil is another story. Much damage was done by these 2 women. Now I just try to keep as far a distance as possible but sometimes, not so easy.

[janet88]

Hi carrotz,

I can’t believe there is another woman exactly like my MIL. To women with such mentality, we are using their son’s money. She has successfully planted the mentality of ‘$$$ is most impt’ in her children’s mind.
Since her precious daughter feels that her mother is doing a good job looking after her son, then I certainly hope she looks after her mother for good. That daughter of hers has never cared nor taught family values…but now she is behaving like some saint.

[DesertWind]

Hi kiasume,


This sounds like my mother and my MIL - with regards to helping me look after my 3 yo son! My mother concentrates on my brother's 2 kids - 1 girl & 1 boy. Even though my brother does not give her much money and always makes her angry (SIL also not much better), my mother still put her whole heart into looking after them. They were staying together for few years.

For me, my MIL helped us to keep an eye on my boy for about 2 years. A few times I wanted to \"park\" my son with my mother but she will say something like - no lah, I dunno how to communicate with your maid. Or she will say my hubby does not like etc... I was quite :x . Because I support both my parents financially and I thought mum should at least \"return\" my favour at least once in a while!

My MIL when any of us fall sick will cook chicken soup and visit us. Also call and enquire about our health.

Perhaps it really has something to do with the SURNAME. Because to my mother, brother's kids is \"Nei Suen\". Mine is \"Wai Suen\".

Anyway, if I were to \"count the debts\", there will be no end.

So yes, thank god we have MIL to help us!
:celebrate:

kiasume:

Almost three times I was in that situation with regards to kids falling sick and hence I thought my mum could help out. And three times she turned me down flatly. The situation I was in was when I really needed help to separate the 2 kids from each other as the younger ones is merely 6 mths old and the older ones have HFMD. :x :x

If my sis were to ask her for help, she will flatly dropped everything and attends to her.

On the contrary, my MIL is a very different mother totally. Most of the time, she will call and see if we are all okay. If for any one moment, my hubby said that \"whoever\" is sick and not going to school. WOW, the next day she will automatically comes down to see the child. Help out in looking after the kids. Very auto. I am very grateful for her gesture. :love:

[DesertWind]

buds:

Forgetting unhappiness may be a lil' far fetched for me right now

honestly... can overlook awhile lar a bit here a bit there until new
issues surface or even old issues \"re-surface\".. :faint: ...

Hi buds!

This may sounds really odd but I hope that once you give birth to your 3rd kid, the child birth process and the change in hormones will cause you to loose all the unhappy memories with your MIL!

Truly, this was my own experience! Before child-birth I seemed to have long memories and found it difficult to forget the bad experiences with MIL. But after child-birth, goodness me, all bad memories seemed to have been wiped out!

So take care, yeh!
:celebrate:

[janet88]

My visits to visit them are not frequent…familiarity breeds contempt. So I believe in keeping short and sweet.


My hubby has been manipulated since young by his younger siblings. Like what Carrotz mentioned, if her MIL had done her part by teaching the right values, this would not have happened.

[carrotz]

janet_lee88:

My visits to visit them are not frequent...familiarity breeds contempt. So I believe in keeping short and sweet.


My hubby has been manipulated since young by his younger siblings. Like what Carrotz mentioned, if her MIL had done her part by teaching the right values, this would not have happened.

Hi janet

Yes, I also believe in keeping the visits short where possible. My husband visits his parents regularly. Despite the strain in my relationship with his mother, he'll ask whether me and child wants to go almost every time. Guess he wants us to 'support' him. I know I can't say no too often. So when I visit, I focus on my child and avoid talking to mil and sils. Just address her and fil(she doesn't respond) and go to one side with my child.

Now that one of the two sils I mentioned has stationed herself there for the day, even more sian when visiting. She is super irritating as well. On a recent visit, she was opening the gate for us when she gave me an annoying sideways glance, acted as if she was speaking to my child and said, \"If you don't call me, I WON'T open the gate for you!\" Husband just kept quiet.

Yes, the values inculcated by a mother really show in her children's behaviour. In this case, a lot is treated as some sort of $ transaction, the focus being on taking advantage and personal (monetary) gain. I must say it was only recently that I saw a much clearer picture of this aspect of the family.

[hapydino]

Angelight:

Reading abt all of you talking abt your MILs, I also want to share abt mine.


Anyway, once she asked me to eat the pork belly that she (or rather her maid cooked). I've always hated pork belly, pork knuckles and the like, so I refused nicely. Guess what she said to me?! \"Si Nao Jing!\".

Naturally I was offended by the hurtful remark. But I calmly said to her, \"Mum, not lliking pork belly is a personal choice, not 'Si Nao Jing'.\" She kept quiet after that.

Angelight,

i kena this too..

u noe those hokkien mee, dark sauce, thick and broad yellow noodles.. i dun eat cuz i'm v scared of the 'ghee' taste n smell in the noodles..

so my MIL say '你很奇怪的!' when she tabao this home as dinner for us all..

i cannot remember exactly what my response was but something in the line of '不吃就是不吃'..

i went off and cook instant noodles..