How much should I give my parents?

[KZYPmum]

MMM:

My mum took care of my kids when they were younger. She was a SAHM. Now that the 2 older ones are in primary school and the youngest in K1, her responsibility only lies with ferrying my K1 around for lessons.


In their case, my father has stopped working and has a very small pension after the sale of their flat. I am the only child so I am their only source of income. My parents had some savings when they sold off their flat but it's not alot type. They have been the hand to mouth type of family so don't have much savings.

I currently give them a combined of $1350 each month. My father was more like pocket money of $250 when he stopped working full time this year. My mum very much runs the family with the money. But it's mainly for both of them. I pay for their utilities and property maintanence when we bought a apartment together with them 3 yrs back. I also pay for the loan for their existing apartment. So due to that, my parents understand my financial load and hence don't expect too much from me on a monthly basis. During CNY, birthday or bonus, I would give them extras for ang pow preparation. I also pay for their annual holidays.

I feel that very much depends on your income and your parents. Eg. if they know your financial situation of having to support kids,etc... they probably don't expect much. But on the other hand, as they depend on your financially, it's difficult to stop the allowances or reduce. When the kids were younger and our income is not that high then, my mum didn't expect much. I heard some mums will compare the allowance against the childcare fees. :roll:

same, same... am the only child, so no one else to 'supplement' their income... and similarly, even though we were never destitute, they live from hand to mouth and thus have hardly any savings. even their CPF balances are meagre.

I suppose if my mum had the same allocation (e.g. 1000 out of 1300) she'd be happy enough. issue is I split it roughly equally since my dad has so many more bills to pay than her, but she doesn't see it that way cos he has a small pension and she only has me as an 'income source'.

it's less of the comparing against childcare fees than what comes up when there are family gatherings... then the aunties will ask (not verified but quite sure they do) how much your daughter gives you? then huh only like that ah? (without finding out how much i give my dad too, and that i pay for all their meals, and their utilities - gosh they use water and gas like free - our utilities doubled after they spent time in our house, but i can still deal with that...)

[KZYPmum]

sleepy:

True, we should give what we can afford.

I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us now

Muffins:

parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....

:goodpost:

not so much to 'measure' but to give an amount that meets their needs, is perceived as fair (i.e. I am not taking advantage of their kindness), and doesn't kill me financially...

it's not easy being the sandwich generation... having to provide for parents as an only child, since they never saved for their retirement, having to provide for offspring, having to save for my own retirement such that this vicious cycle does not continue to inflict my children...

[jedamum]

KZYPmum:

sleepy:

True, we should give what we can afford.

I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us now


[quote=\"Muffins\"]parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....

:goodpost:

not so much to 'measure' but to give an amount that meets their needs, is perceived as fair (i.e. I am not taking advantage of their kindness), and doesn't kill me financially...
[/quote]Agree.

[jedamum]

sleepy:

True, we should give what we can afford.

I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us now

Muffins:

parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....

:goodpost:

sleepy,
although we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us now (ie even if they do 'nothing' for us now, we should still give them an allowance that we can afford), there are sometimes when some grownup children (whose children are taken care of by the grandparents) gave their aged parents what they can afford after deducting unnecessary expenditure such as, car instalments, holidays etc. some of them treat their parents as free caregivers, ie on top of monthly allowance, there was no top-ups for transport allowance or dinner allowance or childcare allowance when they place their kids under the grandparents' care; some grownup children even stay at their parent's home for free without paying rental while renting out their own flat. it is a real issue if the aged parents have no other source of income. in such instance, the real test will come when help is needed another way ie when the aged parents needed the care of their children in their golden years.
main thing about parents' allowance; give according to what you feel is best; if you can only afford a small amount and constantly feel the guilt, you will subconsciously make it up in other ways; if you give a small amount that is not proportionate to the amount of 'benefit' you taken out from your parents and do not feel the guilt, you will lose respect of your siblings in no time.

[cherrygal]

I think it’s best for the grandparent caregiver to spell out the allowance amt before taking on the role. Then the parents can decide if they wish to hire a maid instead or send to infant care. Trust me, I would rather pay $1000 to my parents than pay a maid $400 a month. The level of care is totally different.


Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays… they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help. Also, I am extremely grateful to my parents for helping us. Their generosity will be remembered when it’s my turn to look after them.

My plan is to pay whatever my parents want for 18-20mths, then send the kid to childcare. It would be back to just the token sum after this critical period. Just bear with less unnecessary expenditure for now. Don’t feel heart pain over the extra money. It’s all for the good of your children!

[daddy2007]

cherrygal:

Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays... they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help.

Very true. My MIL rather enjoy her Golden Years instead of helping us to take care of our DD. But we can't blame her as she has helped to take care 2 granddaughter (from my spouse sibling) already

So now we are on our own

[kingster]

cherrygal:

I think it's best for the grandparent caregiver to spell out the allowance amt before taking on the role. Then the parents can decide if they wish to hire a maid instead or send to infant care. Trust me, I would rather pay $1000 to my parents than pay a maid $400 a month. The level of care is totally different.


Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays... they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help. Also, I am extremely grateful to my parents for helping us. Their generosity will be remembered when it's my turn to look after them.

My plan is to pay whatever my parents want for 18-20mths, then send the kid to childcare. It would be back to just the token sum after this critical period. Just bear with less unnecessary expenditure for now. Don't feel heart pain over the extra money. It's all for the good of your children!

true... but some people think childcare might be better as they will not be spoilt by the teachers. i got friends whose kids are spoilt rotten by the grandparents. but who can blame them rite?

[jo-tane]

For the past 8 yrs, i have been giving my mom 40% of my income. Although my contribution is not a big sum (less than 1000), but because i don’t earn a lot so it is a heavy burden for me. But leaving my children under her care is definitely better than maids or childcare…i wish i can afford to give her more.

[znzyzyzx]

Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don’t get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.

[KZYPmum]

znzyzyzx:

Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don't get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.

I guess it depends on the grandparents, and the family dynamics...

some grandparents (like my mum) offered even before I got pregnant to look after my first. and later she nagged me to have a second and said she'd be happy to help... so... they might not really see it as a very big favour, but would still expect some sort of 'fair' treatment, which is okay...

issue is what is 'market-value' of fair... even if they are ok with it (as with us comparing salaries/promotions with peers etc), when others start comparing, it's hard not to be affected...