How much should I give my parents?
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cherrygal:
Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays... they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help.
Very true. My MIL rather enjoy her Golden Years instead of helping us to take care of our DD. But we can't blame her as she has helped to take care 2 granddaughter (from my spouse sibling) already
So now we are on our own
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cherrygal:
true... but some people think childcare might be better as they will not be spoilt by the teachers. i got friends whose kids are spoilt rotten by the grandparents. but who can blame them rite?I think it's best for the grandparent caregiver to spell out the allowance amt before taking on the role. Then the parents can decide if they wish to hire a maid instead or send to infant care. Trust me, I would rather pay $1000 to my parents than pay a maid $400 a month. The level of care is totally different.
Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays... they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help. Also, I am extremely grateful to my parents for helping us. Their generosity will be remembered when it's my turn to look after them.
My plan is to pay whatever my parents want for 18-20mths, then send the kid to childcare. It would be back to just the token sum after this critical period. Just bear with less unnecessary expenditure for now. Don't feel heart pain over the extra money. It's all for the good of your children! -
For the past 8 yrs, i have been giving my mom 40% of my income. Although my contribution is not a big sum (less than 1000), but because i don’t earn a lot so it is a heavy burden for me. But leaving my children under her care is definitely better than maids or childcare…i wish i can afford to give her more.
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Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don’t get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.
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znzyzyzx:
Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don't get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.
I guess it depends on the grandparents, and the family dynamics...
some grandparents (like my mum) offered even before I got pregnant to look after my first. and later she nagged me to have a second and said she'd be happy to help... so... they might not really see it as a very big favour, but would still expect some sort of 'fair' treatment, which is okay...
issue is what is 'market-value' of fair... even if they are ok with it (as with us comparing salaries/promotions with peers etc), when others start comparing, it's hard not to be affected... -
KZYPmum:
I agree that it depends on the individual situation. My boys are the only grandchildren in the family and both sets of grandparents were volunteering to babysit even before we got pregnant!znzyzyzx:
Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don't get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.
I guess it depends on the grandparents, and the family dynamics...
some grandparents (like my mum) offered even before I got pregnant to look after my first. and later she nagged me to have a second and said she'd be happy to help... so... they might not really see it as a very big favour, but would still expect some sort of 'fair' treatment, which is okay...
issue is what is 'market-value' of fair... even if they are ok with it (as with us comparing salaries/promotions with peers etc), when others start comparing, it's hard not to be affected...
They would bug us to let them come babysit, even when I was a SAHM.
We don't really give them $ on the basis that they help with the kids. It's based on many factors like how financially well off they are, how much we earn etc. -
To a certain extent, it’s true to say that allowances depends on various factors.
I was just looking at my pils’ side. Unlike my parents, my pils have their own retirement funds. They need not worry financially. They are staying with us. I know my hubby gives him an allowance each month. Not that he need the money but rather, it’s more of an asian act of filial piety towards the parents.
Besides my hubby, they have 4 other daughters. We will have a monthly gathering and I think that’s the time that m sils will come back to give allowance to my mil. I don’t know how much they give but I think it varies based on their income. My pils do not take care of their kids.
In addition to the allowance, they will also volunteer to pay for their holidays. Or even if they are not the ones who are paying, they will come with some travel monies for their parents. Wish our kids will treat us like that too in the future though we aspire not to be financially dependent on them. -
MMM:
Actually, now that MMM mentions about paying for other stuff, that's a good way to take the load off our parents' minds.
In addition to the allowance, they will also volunteer to pay for their holidays. Or even if they are not the ones who are paying, they will come with some travel monies for their parents. Wish our kids will treat us like that too in the future though we aspire not to be financially dependent on them.
For both my side and DH's side, in addition to cash, we (together with our siblings) will take care of monthly payments such as handphone, housing loan, car loan, credit card etc. This sometimes means that the monthly amount we give will fluctuate, but it's one way of reducing the financial worries the old folks have to face. Even if they have enough $$ to pay the bills (from our allowances or their own retirement funds), it's still stressful for them to always remember to pay the bills. and you know old folks can get forgetful as they age. So as filial children, it's one thing we can do to take care of them. I think our parents appreciate it. -
znzyzyzx:
Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don't get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.
It is best to depend on ourselves if we can be SAHM with a helper. For working moms, having the grandparents as caregivers is the best solution. It is only right for the grandparents to expect a level of gratitude in return but at least they are willing to help...
Looking after a baby is a very big favor and I believe many moms are willing to pay for that. I have 2 friends on maternity leave now and agonising over where to park their infants when they return to work. They dread to leave their young infants at the infant care centres. One friend even spent a day at the centre to observe how they \"cared\" for her baby. She took her baby out that same day. Short naps due to noise from other babies, caregiver just put hot milk into her baby's mouth without checking, and if she doesn't finish her milk, too bad... they were also very rough when bathing the babies and don't apply moisturizers...
Comparing that to how my mom is caring for my baby, I thank my lucky stars that my mom took us in. We are willing to pay any amount for her help. It's not just a payment, it's our show of gratitude that we didn't need to resort to shoving our baby to the infant care center. I even told myself to be there for my aged parents should they need our care in future... we cannot forget their generosity to help in our time of need. -
i am a sahm so dh is the one giving $$ to my parents (both passed away 2 years ago).
from the moment we are married, dh has been giving $$ to my handicapped sister, chip in with the maid’s salary, electricity etc. with every siblings helping out, the financial burden on each and everyone is significantly lessen.
i really thank God for blessing us and honestly the financial burden on a single child (especially if both wife and husband are the only child) is extremely heavy with 4 parents to support.
so if you could, always remember to put aside $50 or more for your own future. just yours not your kids, not your grandchildren.
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