How much should I give my parents?
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sleepy:
sleepy,True, we should give what we can afford.
:goodpost:
I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us nowMuffins:
parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....
although we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us now (ie even if they do 'nothing' for us now, we should still give them an allowance that we can afford), there are sometimes when some grownup children (whose children are taken care of by the grandparents) gave their aged parents what they can afford after deducting unnecessary expenditure such as, car instalments, holidays etc. some of them treat their parents as free caregivers, ie on top of monthly allowance, there was no top-ups for transport allowance or dinner allowance or childcare allowance when they place their kids under the grandparents' care; some grownup children even stay at their parent's home for free without paying rental while renting out their own flat. it is a real issue if the aged parents have no other source of income. in such instance, the real test will come when help is needed another way ie when the aged parents needed the care of their children in their golden years.
main thing about parents' allowance; give according to what you feel is best; if you can only afford a small amount and constantly feel the guilt, you will subconsciously make it up in other ways; if you give a small amount that is not proportionate to the amount of 'benefit' you taken out from your parents and do not feel the guilt, you will lose respect of your siblings in no time. -
I think it’s best for the grandparent caregiver to spell out the allowance amt before taking on the role. Then the parents can decide if they wish to hire a maid instead or send to infant care. Trust me, I would rather pay $1000 to my parents than pay a maid $400 a month. The level of care is totally different.
Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays… they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help. Also, I am extremely grateful to my parents for helping us. Their generosity will be remembered when it’s my turn to look after them.
My plan is to pay whatever my parents want for 18-20mths, then send the kid to childcare. It would be back to just the token sum after this critical period. Just bear with less unnecessary expenditure for now. Don’t feel heart pain over the extra money. It’s all for the good of your children! -
cherrygal:
Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays... they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help.
Very true. My MIL rather enjoy her Golden Years instead of helping us to take care of our DD. But we can't blame her as she has helped to take care 2 granddaughter (from my spouse sibling) already
So now we are on our own
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cherrygal:
true... but some people think childcare might be better as they will not be spoilt by the teachers. i got friends whose kids are spoilt rotten by the grandparents. but who can blame them rite?I think it's best for the grandparent caregiver to spell out the allowance amt before taking on the role. Then the parents can decide if they wish to hire a maid instead or send to infant care. Trust me, I would rather pay $1000 to my parents than pay a maid $400 a month. The level of care is totally different.
Not many grandparents even want to help out nowadays... they rather work or sing karaoke. Taking care of babies is hard work! So, do thank your lucky stars that they are willing to help. Also, I am extremely grateful to my parents for helping us. Their generosity will be remembered when it's my turn to look after them.
My plan is to pay whatever my parents want for 18-20mths, then send the kid to childcare. It would be back to just the token sum after this critical period. Just bear with less unnecessary expenditure for now. Don't feel heart pain over the extra money. It's all for the good of your children! -
For the past 8 yrs, i have been giving my mom 40% of my income. Although my contribution is not a big sum (less than 1000), but because i don’t earn a lot so it is a heavy burden for me. But leaving my children under her care is definitely better than maids or childcare…i wish i can afford to give her more.
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Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don’t get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.
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znzyzyzx:
Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don't get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.
I guess it depends on the grandparents, and the family dynamics...
some grandparents (like my mum) offered even before I got pregnant to look after my first. and later she nagged me to have a second and said she'd be happy to help... so... they might not really see it as a very big favour, but would still expect some sort of 'fair' treatment, which is okay...
issue is what is 'market-value' of fair... even if they are ok with it (as with us comparing salaries/promotions with peers etc), when others start comparing, it's hard not to be affected... -
KZYPmum:
I agree that it depends on the individual situation. My boys are the only grandchildren in the family and both sets of grandparents were volunteering to babysit even before we got pregnant!znzyzyzx:
Personally I thiink it is best to put the kids in infant care/childcare rather than bother the grandparents. I think no matter how nice the grandparents are , they will feel that they are doing you a very big favor to help look after your children and hence they would expect things in return. And if they don't get it , then there might be unhappiness. So I think is better to depend on ourselves.
I guess it depends on the grandparents, and the family dynamics...
some grandparents (like my mum) offered even before I got pregnant to look after my first. and later she nagged me to have a second and said she'd be happy to help... so... they might not really see it as a very big favour, but would still expect some sort of 'fair' treatment, which is okay...
issue is what is 'market-value' of fair... even if they are ok with it (as with us comparing salaries/promotions with peers etc), when others start comparing, it's hard not to be affected...
They would bug us to let them come babysit, even when I was a SAHM.
We don't really give them $ on the basis that they help with the kids. It's based on many factors like how financially well off they are, how much we earn etc. -
To a certain extent, it’s true to say that allowances depends on various factors.
I was just looking at my pils’ side. Unlike my parents, my pils have their own retirement funds. They need not worry financially. They are staying with us. I know my hubby gives him an allowance each month. Not that he need the money but rather, it’s more of an asian act of filial piety towards the parents.
Besides my hubby, they have 4 other daughters. We will have a monthly gathering and I think that’s the time that m sils will come back to give allowance to my mil. I don’t know how much they give but I think it varies based on their income. My pils do not take care of their kids.
In addition to the allowance, they will also volunteer to pay for their holidays. Or even if they are not the ones who are paying, they will come with some travel monies for their parents. Wish our kids will treat us like that too in the future though we aspire not to be financially dependent on them. -
MMM:
Actually, now that MMM mentions about paying for other stuff, that's a good way to take the load off our parents' minds.
In addition to the allowance, they will also volunteer to pay for their holidays. Or even if they are not the ones who are paying, they will come with some travel monies for their parents. Wish our kids will treat us like that too in the future though we aspire not to be financially dependent on them.
For both my side and DH's side, in addition to cash, we (together with our siblings) will take care of monthly payments such as handphone, housing loan, car loan, credit card etc. This sometimes means that the monthly amount we give will fluctuate, but it's one way of reducing the financial worries the old folks have to face. Even if they have enough $$ to pay the bills (from our allowances or their own retirement funds), it's still stressful for them to always remember to pay the bills. and you know old folks can get forgetful as they age. So as filial children, it's one thing we can do to take care of them. I think our parents appreciate it.
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