Extra Marital Affair

[Willows]

Hi,

I am new to this forum.

My husband has EMA too. We have a child who is 14 months old. I wanted to walk out of our marriage but my hb wanted to continue trying to work out on our marriage. I found out his EMA 6 months ago but until now I am still emotionally u stable.
Although he is trying hard to work on the marriage by coming back Homs early, paying more attention to our child but I find that my emotion needs and sexual needs are not fulfilled. I would say he can’t perform in bed with me for months already. So I am totally desperate and depress.

I am at a lost now how to bring our relation and sexual life back together. He kept saying that he got no control on the sexual non performance part. So how to move on with such a situation?

I need some advice and I also like to hear more sucessful stories of those who went thru EMA and happily living with their spouse as an encouragement.

I have read others stories but all are negative one, which I don’t find much help to me.

[3Boys]

Willows:

Hi,

I am new to this forum.

My husband has EMA too. We have a child who is 14 months old. I wanted to walk out of our marriage but my hb wanted to continue trying to work out on our marriage. I found out his EMA 6 months ago but until now I am still emotionally u stable.
Although he is trying hard to work on the marriage by coming back Homs early, paying more attention to our child but I find that my emotion needs and sexual needs are not fulfilled. I would say he can't perform in bed with me for months already. So I am totally desperate and depress.

I am at a lost now how to bring our relation and sexual life back together. He kept saying that he got no control on the sexual non performance part. So how to move on with such a situation?

I need some advice and I also like to hear more sucessful stories of those who went thru EMA and happily living with their spouse as an encouragement.

I have read others stories but all are negative one, which I don't find much help to me.

Sorry to hear about that.....

I am not a sex counsellor, but here is my 2 cents.

Sex is about intimacy and trust. I can only surmise that his guilt about betraying you is messing up his mind. For a man, if the mind is messed up and distracted, the performance certainly suffers.

What he may need from you is a clear sign of forgiveness. Its not to say that he deserves it or that you necessarily want to forgive so quickly, but my guess is that is feels he is getting into bed with a hostile spouse, he is unlikely to be able to perform.

Perhaps when you are ready, you and he need to take some time away together. Plan a short vacation somewhere away from the children. Take some time to have a frank discussion, completely unload and tell him how much he had hurt you, and then, if you can bring yourself to, perhaps forgive and draw a line under it.

I have no personal experience with this, just sharing my perspective.

Good Luck!

[tankee]

likewise, I am no sex counsellor nor experienced in EMA.


But I do agreed with 3Boys on the mind being messed up, performance suffers. This would take time to resolve and the first step is to solve the emotional issue first.

Lessen the pressure, stay off the act for a while. Just cuddle, hugs and kisses. Get over the trust issue, address the emotional needs first and the sexual life will come back naturally.

[verykiasu2010]

there is out there a course called "The Marriage Course", young and old married couples have found it very useful, as reported

[Willows]

Well, I am thinking could he be still seeing his lover that’s why he refuse to be intimate with me.

[3Boys]

Willows:

Well, I am thinking could he be still seeing his lover that's why he refuse to be intimate with me.

Errr....how does this square with the previous question you asked? Obviously if he is still involved outside, or if you suspect him to be, there is no way to move forward, is there?

[laughingcat]

Willows:

Well, I am thinking could he be still seeing his lover that's why he refuse to be intimate with me.

I really admire those woman or man who wants to and can forgive and stay by the cheating spouse. For me, I can't do that because I can't live with that stigma.

[Joseph27]

Willows:

Well, I am thinking could he be still seeing his lover that's why he refuse to be intimate with me.

If he is still with his lover then your choices narrow - if he is super rich divorce and get half, if he has ironclad prenup - put up with it and get a toy boy and just have fun with his money, if he is just average and treating you like that - kick his cheating butt out onto the street. Tough times

[tracytmks]

i m new at this track. just found out tt my hubby had EMA too is a malaysian girl if i m not wrong. started to suspect this wen he starts to go work early n come hm late at nite. y is he doing this need some advise

[EatNonStop]

My galfren's husband also had EMF....that started 2 yrs ago and 1 year later, they decided to sign separation...Recently, He broken up with the china gal claiming characters difference, still connecting the 2 kids and occasionally request my galfren to join in the \"family\" outing but still refuse to go home or reconcil though my galfren is ready to patch up.......what is this? :?