In-law problems?

[jtoh]

DesertWind:

janet_lee88:

I find that MILs are good in throwing tantrums and crying...sure win, hands down.

Yes, and what Cheneceau says is true, best to :siam: when they throw tantrums. In the first year of our marriage, I used to see black faces every weekend we visit and I will be :? . Couple of times FIL got to enlighten me what was eating MIL since I was quite a blur sotong too. For eg. FIL hinted at me that my \"Ba Chang\" gift that weekend was \"late\" because the Dragon Boat Festival was during a mid-week day and I was so busy working I forgot about it. Furthermore, that year my mother did not make any ba chang so there was no reminder for me too. Only when I remembered, quickly buy and give at the very next weekend - kerna black face.

Wah lau for goodness sake they are NOT even CHINESE! Why my MIL can remember \"Tuan Wu Jia\" leh? Because she told me angrily that last time her Chinese neighbour ALWAYS gave her Ba Chang during mid-June hence she knows very well when is \"Tuan Wu Jia\". So for this blur sotong of a DIL (moi) who only knows how to eat if mother made Ba Chang and could not be bothered likewise, she thought I was being totally disrespectful to her.

She also told me angrily \"Last year you gave what, why not this year?\" :x I told her \"Sorry mah but my mother did not make any this year so I forgot but I bought from outside which may not be as nice.\".

My FIL was laughing at this whole episode. He told my MIL \" You want to eat, go and buy yourself!\"

BTW, now what is my MIL attitude when I buy Ba Chang for her? She has quite a couple of years to think about it and probably decided to change her attitude. Now when I give her Ba Chang, she \"turned up her nose\" just say \"Hmm...just leave it there\".

Sian, always got to see face. :stupid:

Omg! What's wrong with her?!? Don't buy, not happy. Buy, not happy.

[janet88]

DesertWind:

janet_lee88:

I find that MILs are good in throwing tantrums and crying...sure win, hands down.

Yes, and what Cheneceau says is true, best to :siam: when they throw tantrums.

She also told me angrily \"Last year you gave what, why not this year?\" :x I told her \"Sorry mah but my mother did not make any this year so I forgot but I bought from outside which may not be as nice.\".

Sian, always got to see face. :stupid:

I didn't start the buying bak chang habit...once start, cannot stop. Before getting married, I got her mooncakes from a hotel, after that she turned her nose up when she saw mooncakes from another place...not unknown but Hang Heung. I got fed-up and stopped buying. Same goes for yu sheng.

[Mrs Ang]

Yong HL:

Mrs Ang:

My mil will just break down into tears if my DH is to raise his voice. My sil too just break into tears when talking to me....as if I bully her After the incident, we never talk to each other.

Never talk? then how do you handle visitation on occassions like CNY? sigh.. tmrw CNY eve liao. the thot of seeing mil really make me :roll:

Just seat there and keep quiet

I have decided to try to forget what mil has done and treat her slightly better starting from CNY eve. Then mil makes me boiled on 3rd day of CNY :x This is the result of treating a person nicer!!!!

[Yong HL]

Mrs Ang:

Yong HL:

[quote=\"Mrs Ang\"]My mil will just break down into tears if my DH is to raise his voice. My sil too just break into tears when talking to me....as if I bully her After the incident, we never talk to each other.

Never talk? then how do you handle visitation on occassions like CNY? sigh.. tmrw CNY eve liao. the thot of seeing mil really make me :roll:

Just seat there and keep quiet

I have decided to try to forget what mil has done and treat her slightly better starting from CNY eve. Then mil makes me boiled on 3rd day of CNY :x This is the result of treating a person nicer!!!![/quote]My CNY eve went better than i thought. Good start for a new year. we just talked about really weather stuff. I am going to stick to my principle - Talk only when necessary.

[janet88]

Hi Yong HL,

Same here. I only talk if I have to...stick to safe topics like weather and children in school and she doesn't irritate me. She gets on my nerves when hubby is out of sight and turns angelic when he walks in.

[DesertWind]

jtoh:

Omg! What's wrong with her?!? Don't buy, not happy. Buy, not happy.

Hi jtoh,

This is \"aunty politics\". If you are an aunty you will understand (no offense meant). Sometimes when I relate certain incidences to my mother, she will say I am really stupid dunno how to read below the surface and respond correctly. My mother can understand a mile away.

[Andaiz]

janet_lee88:

Hi Yong HL,

Same here. I only talk if I have to...stick to safe topics like weather and [b]children in school [/b]and she doesn't irritate me. She gets on my nerves when hubby is out of sight and turns angelic when he walks in.

hehe, janet_lee88, children in school is not a safe topic for me. In MIL's eyes, I'm a bad mother coz I didn't research on playschools when on confinement, did not spend tons of money and time bringing my kids to enrichment programme, Shichida etc....don't get me wrong, I'm not against these...in fact, I like knowing more about them. But I also want my kids to have a childhood so I bring them out for experiential stuff.

[janet88]

Andaiz:

janet_lee88:

Hi Yong HL,

Same here. I only talk if I have to...stick to safe topics like weather and [b]children in school [/b]and she doesn't irritate me. She gets on my nerves when hubby is out of sight and turns angelic when he walks in.

hehe, janet_lee88, children in school is not a safe topic for me. In MIL's eyes, I'm a bad mother coz I didn't research on playschools when on confinement, did not spend tons of money and time bringing my kids to enrichment programme, Shichida etc....don't get me wrong, I'm not against these...in fact, I like knowing more about them. But I also want my kids to have a childhood so I bring them out for experiential stuff.

Your MIL is a modern one and aware of all these stuff on Shichida...mine doesn't. But, if I mention enrichment lessons to her, the only thing in her brain is I'm stupid and don't know how to teach, so I'M SPENDING HER SON'S MONEY :stupid: When I talk to her about children's education, it is about the kids' schools which is BORING to her and SAFE FOR ME.

[Andaiz]

janet_lee88:

Your MIL is a modern one and aware of all these stuff on Shichida...mine doesn't. But, if I mention enrichment lessons to her, the only thing in her brain is I'm stupid and don't know how to teach, so I'M SPENDING HER SON'S MONEY :stupid: When I talk to her about children's education, it is about the kids' schools which is BORING to her and SAFE FOR ME.

I agree with you...she's more modern than most on a lot of topic...but very traditional cos we have 3 PRINCESSES and just CNY first day, she asked me to \"have another one\" read....have a SON!

I just smile like a moron and shut my trap!

Cos if I were to say \"wha, then you take care...\" is like opening a pandora's box and all those past issues would surface again!

[janet88]

Andaiz:

janet_lee88:

Your MIL is a modern one and aware of all these stuff on Shichida...mine doesn't. But, if I mention enrichment lessons to her, the only thing in her brain is I'm stupid and don't know how to teach, so I'M SPENDING HER SON'S MONEY :stupid: When I talk to her about children's education, it is about the kids' schools which is BORING to her and SAFE FOR ME.

I agree with you...she's more modern than most on a lot of topic...but very traditional cos we have 3 PRINCESSES and just CNY first day, she asked me to \"have another one\" read....have a SON!

Looks like you don't need to face relatives for the same old questions...even your immediate relative won't let you go. :stupid: It's not just the men don't get it, but the MILs won't ever get it either.