How to teach children to handle bullies

[Chenonceau]

Funz:

Sometime after the June holidays last year, DD became a bit emotional and was not as enthusiastic about school. There were a couple of days where she came home with her eyes swollen from crying. Found out from her later that a girl in her class has been scolding her and telling everyone not to be her friend. She mentioned this girl many times before, some incident involving herself others of that girl and her other classmates.


Well I told her if that girl is so nasty then stay away from her instead of seeking her out to play with you. And if that girl be being particularly nasty for no reasons, let the teachers know. It seems the girl will do things like scold her friends or throw their stuff across the room and such.

Towards the end of last year and early this year, I keep hearing DD talking about this girl again. But this time, it seems she keeps including this girl in her little 'plans' be it bringing snacks to school to share with friends, to exchange stickers, etc. I asked her if the girl's attitude has changed. She said actually no, she is still as nasty. I asked her then why is she including that girl in all her 'plans'. She said Mummy, she is in my group, there is no avoiding her as I have to work with her. So I am trying to turn her into my friend. If I am her friend, maybe she will be nicer and not scold me all the time.

Her version of Sun Tze Bing Fa, keep thy friends close and thy enemies closer? Haha. Anyway, I told her that is a good idea but do not let it become a situation where you keep having to buy her favour. DD actually scoffed at me and told me please lah mummy, I am not buying her favour, I am just including her in my 'plans' so when she gets nasty, and I exclude her, she will feel the loss.

Damn, is that my scatter brain, emotional DD talking? Sounded a bit sociopathic.

DD smart!! One smart cookie!!

[toddles]

Funz:

Sometime after the June holidays last year, DD became a bit emotional and was not as enthusiastic about school. There were a couple of days where she came home with her eyes swollen from crying. Found out from her later that a girl in her class has been scolding her and telling everyone not to be her friend. She mentioned this girl many times before, some incident involving herself others of that girl and her other classmates.


Well I told her if that girl is so nasty then stay away from her instead of seeking her out to play with you. And if that girl be being particularly nasty for no reasons, let the teachers know. It seems the girl will do things like scold her friends or throw their stuff across the room and such.

Towards the end of last year and early this year, I keep hearing DD talking about this girl again. But this time, it seems she keeps including this girl in her little 'plans' be it bringing snacks to school to share with friends, to exchange stickers, etc. I asked her if the girl's attitude has changed. She said actually no, she is still as nasty. I asked her then why is she including that girl in all her 'plans'. She said Mummy, she is in my group, there is no avoiding her as I have to work with her. So I am trying to turn her into my friend. If I am her friend, maybe she will be nicer and not scold me all the time.

Her version of Sun Tze Bing Fa, keep thy friends close and thy enemies closer? Haha. Anyway, I told her that is a good idea but do not let it become a situation where you keep having to buy her favour. DD actually scoffed at me and told me please lah mummy, I am not buying her favour, I am just including her in my 'plans' so when she gets nasty, and I exclude her, she will feel the loss.

Damn, is that my scatter brain, emotional DD talking? Sounded a bit sociopathic.

wow how old is yr DD? playground politics so 复杂 already?

[Funz]

toddles:

wow how old is yr DD? playground politics so 复杂 already?

She's in P2 this year.

I am quite surprised with this incident actually as she is usually the drama mama who will cry first then listen and talk later kinda gal. Her usual reaction when faced with rejection or when she does not get her way is to fume and sulk. And if you try to reason with her she will start howling. The only way is to leave her to get over her own emotions and next thing you know, she is behaving as if nothing has happened. She is reactive, not proactive so her reasoning being one that is so proactive does not jive with the DD that I know. But well in this case, I am not complaining. Just observing to see how she handles whatever comes next.

[Chenonceau]

Funz:

toddles:

wow how old is yr DD? playground politics so 复杂 already?

She's in P2 this year.

I am quite surprised with this incident actually as she is usually the drama mama who will cry first then listen and talk later kinda gal. Her usual reaction when faced with rejection or when she does not get her way is to fume and sulk. And if you try to reason with her she will start howling. The only way is to leave her to get over her own emotions and next thing you know, she is behaving as if nothing has happened. She is reactive, not proactive so her reasoning being one that is so proactive does not jive with the DD that I know. But well in this case, I am not complaining. Just observing to see how she handles whatever comes next.

That's 'cos she has you figured out. My DD is great at looking poor thing. She never got bullied in preschool 'cos somebody else would rush over and protect her. My DD is great at making people do things for her and her Dad is the biggest sucker of 'em all!!

[jtoh]

Funz:

Sometime after the June holidays last year, DD became a bit emotional and was not as enthusiastic about school. There were a couple of days where she came home with her eyes swollen from crying. Found out from her later that a girl in her class has been scolding her and telling everyone not to be her friend. She mentioned this girl many times before, some incident involving herself others of that girl and her other classmates.


Well I told her if that girl is so nasty then stay away from her instead of seeking her out to play with you. And if that girl be being particularly nasty for no reasons, let the teachers know. It seems the girl will do things like scold her friends or throw their stuff across the room and such.

Towards the end of last year and early this year, I keep hearing DD talking about this girl again. But this time, it seems she keeps including this girl in her little 'plans' be it bringing snacks to school to share with friends, to exchange stickers, etc. I asked her if the girl's attitude has changed. She said actually no, she is still as nasty. I asked her then why is she including that girl in all her 'plans'. She said Mummy, she is in my group, there is no avoiding her as I have to work with her. So I am trying to turn her into my friend. If I am her friend, maybe she will be nicer and not scold me all the time.

Her version of Sun Tze Bing Fa, keep thy friends close and thy enemies closer? Haha. Anyway, I told her that is a good idea but do not let it become a situation where you keep having to buy her favour. DD actually scoffed at me and told me please lah mummy, I am not buying her favour, I am just including her in my 'plans' so when she gets nasty, and I exclude her, she will feel the loss.

Damn, is that my scatter brain, emotional DD talking? Sounded a bit sociopathic.

Smart girl!

[hihikitty]

jtoh:

Funz:

Sometime after the June holidays last year, DD became a bit emotional and was not as enthusiastic about school. There were a couple of days where she came home with her eyes swollen from crying. Found out from her later that a girl in her class has been scolding her and telling everyone not to be her friend. She mentioned this girl many times before, some incident involving herself others of that girl and her other classmates.


Well I told her if that girl is so nasty then stay away from her instead of seeking her out to play with you. And if that girl be being particularly nasty for no reasons, let the teachers know. It seems the girl will do things like scold her friends or throw their stuff across the room and such.

Towards the end of last year and early this year, I keep hearing DD talking about this girl again. But this time, it seems she keeps including this girl in her little 'plans' be it bringing snacks to school to share with friends, to exchange stickers, etc. I asked her if the girl's attitude has changed. She said actually no, she is still as nasty. I asked her then why is she including that girl in all her 'plans'. She said Mummy, she is in my group, there is no avoiding her as I have to work with her. So I am trying to turn her into my friend. If I am her friend, maybe she will be nicer and not scold me all the time.

Her version of Sun Tze Bing Fa, keep thy friends close and thy enemies closer? Haha. Anyway, I told her that is a good idea but do not let it become a situation where you keep having to buy her favour. DD actually scoffed at me and told me please lah mummy, I am not buying her favour, I am just including her in my 'plans' so when she gets nasty, and I exclude her, she will feel the loss.

Damn, is that my scatter brain, emotional DD talking? Sounded a bit sociopathic.

Smart girl!

High EQ. A natural people mgr.

[baglady]

Funz:

She's in P2 this year.

Wow v impressive! Useful skills for corporate world when she grows up!! My boy is a bit 'sotong' when it comes to such things. He doesn't really bother with bullies and just ignores them. Maybe it's not a bad thing! Or maybe he's still too young? He's 28 mths.

[toddles]

baglady:

Funz:

She's in P2 this year.

Wow v impressive! Useful skills for corporate world when she grows up!! My boy is a bit 'sotong' when it comes to such things. He doesn't really bother with bullies and just ignores them. Maybe it's not a bad thing! Or maybe he's still too young? He's 28 mths.

haha! I dunno whether I'd be impressed or worried if a 28 mth old could pull off such social manoeuvers...

[snowman.022851697]

Ignore bullies = deviates bullies’ interests from him (bullies want to see the reaction as well) = no more bullying


Talk back to bully = bully gets excited = quarrel = fight = weird things happen = adults intervene = both parties punished.

Talk back to bully = make bully excited = encourage bully to bully more (thats the kind of reaction he wants so that he can ‘intimidate’ the victim more) = more bullying

[Chimmy]

snowman.697:

Ignore bullies = deviates bullies' interests from him (bullies want to see the reaction as well) = no more bullying


Talk back to bully = bully gets excited = quarrel = fight = weird things happen = adults intervene = both parties punished.

Talk back to bully = make bully excited = encourage bully to bully more (thats the kind of reaction he wants so that he can 'intimidate' the victim more) = more bullying

This is the advice that many books offer and what experts recommend. However it does not always work. My son has been ignoring all the namecalling but the taunting continued and more boys joined in. He is seen as an easy target. Many mothers say that the victim should shout back and it solved the problem for their kids. Sometimes, situations are not that simple. Teachers tend to just say 'ignore the bully' and 'don't be so sensitive' or that 'boys will be boys'..... While as an adult, we have the maturity to handle such situations, a young child or teen needs more constructive help and teachers and parents need to actively teach kids in their care that such teasing is not okay.