How to teach children to handle bullies
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I think the most basic thing parents can do is to teach their children to report to their teachers if they get bullied by other students, and not keep it to themselves. And also to not hang around with kids who have a penchant for beating others up.
Like some posters suggested, self-defense classes sound great too… -
MisuloSG:
Hi,I think the most basic thing parents can do is to teach their children to report to their teachers if they get bullied by other students, and not keep it to themselves. And also to not hang around with kids who have a penchant for beating others up.
Like some posters suggested, self-defense classes sound great too...
I wrote earlier about my boy being the target of verbal abuse. Mind you, these attacks were unprovoked and initially I advised him to ignore and move on. Abuse persisted and recently, the bullies involved him in a scuffle which really took my son by surprise. I fear that this might happen again and my boy just might retaliate with physical violence the next time, so I informed the school. The DM handled the case and later addressed the class. He told my son, in front of the class, that he needs to be more resilient. Is that fair? Granted that this is good advice, but must my boy be subjected to further embarassment? Couldn't the DM have given the advice in private if he sincerely wanted to nurture a student? That's not all, the next day, English teacher told the whole class, in the midst of a lesson, that my son should have just laughed off all that verbal abuse that had been bombarded at him!
Now I think twice involving the school authorities. The message they are sending is 'please don't bog us down with these small matters, tell your child not to be a wimp, be resilient'. Schools have disappointed me over and again with the way they handle issues like this... utterly backward methods, never nurturing and often doing more harm than good.
Dear mums, any comments or words of advice... cos I'm really :x -
Post to forum or write to MOE to complain?
Or try embarrassing the teacher in front of lots of people (other teachers) too, but telling them loudly how their action has made your child feel bad, instead of really helping? -
Chimmy:
You should write a letter in to the Principal stating the facts of the case... stress on the physical scuffle. The Principal will intuitively understand (without you stating) that the next step will involve escalation to MOE since a letter has already gone on record. I did that once when DD1's school forced her to train at CCA up to 8pm every day and whole day on weekends including Saturday.
Hi,MisuloSG:
I think the most basic thing parents can do is to teach their children to report to their teachers if they get bullied by other students, and not keep it to themselves. And also to not hang around with kids who have a penchant for beating others up.
Like some posters suggested, self-defense classes sound great too...
I wrote earlier about my boy being the target of verbal abuse. Mind you, these attacks were unprovoked and initially I advised him to ignore and move on. Abuse persisted and recently, the bullies involved him in a scuffle which really took my son by surprise. I fear that this might happen again and my boy just might retaliate with physical violence the next time, so I informed the school. The DM handled the case and later addressed the class. He told my son, in front of the class, that he needs to be more resilient. Is that fair? Granted that this is good advice, but must my boy be subjected to further embarassment? Couldn't the DM have given the advice in private if he sincerely wanted to nurture a student? That's not all, the next day, English teacher told the whole class, in the midst of a lesson, that my son should have just laughed off all that verbal abuse that had been bombarded at him!
Now I think twice involving the school authorities. The message they are sending is 'please don't bog us down with these small matters, tell your child not to be a wimp, be resilient'. Schools have disappointed me over and again with the way they handle issues like this... utterly backward methods, never nurturing and often doing more harm than good.
Dear mums, any comments or words of advice... cos I'm really :x
No one replied my letter but measures were taken and training hours were reduced to manageable proportions.
Consider also the school culture, and whether the school Board of Directors is more influential than MOE. There is a particular boys' school in Singapore (with a strong board) where it isn't cool to snitch and tell parents. The boys take it out man to man, and if they have to throw a left punch and kick someone in the groin, they do so ... almost as a rite of passage.
I'm not saying whether that is right or wrong. The school has its culture so one works within that to find a solution, and if authorities and boys respect a good left hook then just do it and get it over with. -
Hi all,
After browsing thru the topic, I noticed most of the DDs and DSs were the bullying target ...
Sigh , I was pretty upset yesterday- nt becoz my DS being bullied at his childcare(cc), but was being labelled as a bullie by his classmate's grandma. I mz admit, I felt upset and sorry for the classmate-DS hurting the little girl in his class by beating her.
The teacher called me yesterday to inform me wat happened was yesterday DS was playing toys w the frends, and suddenly wen the teacher jz turn around DS was hitting the frend ! Worse was the victim's mom happened to come and saw the whole process. And j got to know DS bit this girl before somewhere last yr.( The last time the grandma was oredy fussi v over this issue)
So yesterday wen the incident happened, of course the victim's mom was very angry and reprimanded the teacher for not watching over the kids. So the mom brought the girl home--and the story was did not end there .
After a while, the girl's grandma went to the ctre and barge in to scold the teacher and DS. Teacher told me DS was put in the principal office oredy wen the grandma came. Teacher told me the grandma came and scold & scold.. To the teacher as well. On the phone, teacher did not tell what did the grandma said to DS. But this morning wen I brought DS to school , another teacher told me the grandma repeatedly screamed at my son \"DON U EVER BEAT MY GRANDDAUGHTER AGAIN\"!!!! The form teacher told me the situation was sort of out of control yesterday and she apologized and apologized to the grandma.... Being an experienced teacher, she tried to explained to the grandma things happened too fast that's why she couldnt stop the hitting in time....wen the teacher tried to exained the grandmother accused the teacher fir siding DS....but to the teacher, she treat all the children the same and I knew it for I can see her love for all her students.
I felt bad, very bad and I admitted wat DS did was wrong. Hitting pple is definitely wrong - even if your were to defend yourself.
I tOld the teacher that I would like to apologize to the parents if they do not want let the matter rest.I am willing to talk to them face to face. The teacher juz told me she will see if the parents/ grandma have anything to say again the following day. As far as this is concern, she dun wish to see parents in conflicts due to this issue. It is her resposibilty and due to her 1sec negligence + DS misbehavior. + hidden reason (Eg toy snatching ..?) that coz all these to happen.
Teacher adv me to have a talk with DS which I did.
Sigh.... I prayed that my 38mth old DS will be more tamed a d mature
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Allanice:
Try to get a copy of Hands Are Not for Hitting (Board Book) and read to your child every few days. I have read the book over and over. Seems to work for my child.Hi all,
After browsing thru the topic, I noticed most of the DDs and DSs were the bullying target ...
Sigh , I was pretty upset yesterday- nt becoz my DS being bullied at his childcare(cc), but was being labelled as a bullie by his classmate's grandma. I mz admit, I felt upset and sorry for the classmate-DS hurting the little girl in his class by beating her.
The teacher called me yesterday to inform me wat happened was yesterday DS was playing toys w the frends, and suddenly wen the teacher jz turn around DS was hitting the frend ! Worse was the victim's mom happened to come and saw the whole process. And j got to know DS bit this girl before somewhere last yr.( The last time the grandma was oredy fussi v over this issue)
So yesterday wen the incident happened, of course the victim's mom was very angry and reprimanded the teacher for not watching over the kids. So the mom brought the girl home--and the story was did not end there .
After a while, the girl's grandma went to the ctre and barge in to scold the teacher and DS. Teacher told me DS was put in the principal office oredy wen the grandma came. Teacher told me the grandma came and scold & scold.. To the teacher as well. On the phone, teacher did not tell what did the grandma said to DS. But this morning wen I brought DS to school , another teacher told me the grandma repeatedly screamed at my son \"DON U EVER BEAT MY GRANDDAUGHTER AGAIN\"!!!! The form teacher told me the situation was sort of out of control yesterday and she apologized and apologized to the grandma.... Being an experienced teacher, she tried to explained to the grandma things happened too fast that's why she couldnt stop the hitting in time....wen the teacher tried to exained the grandmother accused the teacher fir siding DS....but to the teacher, she treat all the children the same and I knew it for I can see her love for all her students.
I felt bad, very bad and I admitted wat DS did was wrong. Hitting pple is definitely wrong - even if your were to defend yourself.
I tOld the teacher that I would like to apologize to the parents if they do not want let the matter rest.I am willing to talk to them face to face. The teacher juz told me she will see if the parents/ grandma have anything to say again the following day. As far as this is concern, she dun wish to see parents in conflicts due to this issue. It is her resposibilty and due to her 1sec negligence + DS misbehavior. + hidden reason (Eg toy snatching ..?) that coz all these to happen.
Teacher adv me to have a talk with DS which I did.
Sigh.... I prayed that my 38mth old DS will be more tamed a d mature
http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Board-Book-Behavior/dp/157542200X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299221799&sr=8-1 -
I don’t know why but when parents of bullies are told their kids hit or bit others, these parents don’t even apologize. They just keep saying they are just kids, or they didn’t tell their kids to hit or bite. How do you get the message across to these parents? Worse, the parents even get defensive when approached.
I think the most basic courtesy for such parents is to quickly apologize and promise to teach their kids properly. If parents condone bad behaviour just because they think kids are kids, then their kids will never learn.
Bad parents = bad kids… -
There is a girl in DD's class whose mother is a teacher in the same school n bcos of that, she is very super bossy n proud. All the classmates dislike her but are afraid of her n had to give her face bcos of her mother.
Last yr, DD P4 was in the same project group as her and DD was slapped on her face bcos DD disagreed with her on some points regarding the project. DD din inform the FT as FT lessons were over. After the last lesson, the bossy girl passed a sorry note to DD but DD didnt want to accept and returned the note to her. DD told me if she accepted it meant she forgive her.
After school, DD told me the incident and I called the FT immediately. FT was very surprised and could not believe that the girl who is the MONITORESS and STUDENT LEADER slapped my DD. I told FT to investigate the matter.
The next day, FT called me and said that the bossy girl admitted slapping DD but very lightly only. I requested FT to remove her from being a monitoress and she was strip of her duties. Later bossy girl's mum called to apologise and said she knows her DD very bossy and not many ppl like her.
I tot that was the end of the episode. BUT....
After 2 days, bossy girl told DD's friend \"DD's mum (tats me she was referring to) is not fit to be her mother\". :x :x
DD's friend told DD about the comment. When I fuming when I heard it. I called the FT and told her about the comments and my intention of bringing up the matter to the discipline mistress.
After a while, bossy's mum who is a teacher in the same school called me n apologise n apologise asking me not to blow up the matter. In the background I could hear bossy girl crying very loudly n bossy girl apologise to me as well.
After the showdown, bossy girl stayed away from DD becos she is scared of DD's fierce mum.
DD learnt a precious lesson to be firm n speak up for herself. -
Oopsgal,
Thks for the recommendation. Will definitely try and source the book as well as read more of theses related books to DS
cherrygal
Ya, some parents will be defensive wen all the fingers were pointed at them . However, but to say that bad Parents= bad kids can be hurtful because it may not be true for all cases.
I did my best to educate DS him that beating is wrong. DS is bit slow in his social skill, which I thk there mz be many cobrtibuting factors to it. He stl could not handle his emotion well. He was born on the last day of the yr and I hope as yrs pass, he will be able to catch up with rest of his peers, in everyways.
I do not experience this kinda problem with my elder dau .Their character is so different. Every child is diff and I may need extra effort and patience on my DS . gambateh! -
Chimmy,
Wow, after reading what you said, I think schools should step up their bully awareness programs. Because if they treat such matters as trivialities, it will do both parties (the bullied and the bullies) no good in the long run. What the english teacher did to your son was not helpful in the least bit.
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