How to teach children to handle bullies

[Oppsgal]

Allanice:

Hi all,


After browsing thru the topic, I noticed most of the DDs and DSs were the bullying target ...

Sigh , I was pretty upset yesterday- nt becoz my DS being bullied at his childcare(cc), but was being labelled as a bullie by his classmate's grandma. I mz admit, I felt upset and sorry for the classmate-DS hurting the little girl in his class by beating her.

The teacher called me yesterday to inform me wat happened was yesterday DS was playing toys w the frends, and suddenly wen the teacher jz turn around DS was hitting the frend ! Worse was the victim's mom happened to come and saw the whole process. And j got to know DS bit this girl before somewhere last yr.( The last time the grandma was oredy fussi v over this issue)

So yesterday wen the incident happened, of course the victim's mom was very angry and reprimanded the teacher for not watching over the kids. So the mom brought the girl home--and the story was did not end there .

After a while, the girl's grandma went to the ctre and barge in to scold the teacher and DS. Teacher told me DS was put in the principal office oredy wen the grandma came. Teacher told me the grandma came and scold & scold.. To the teacher as well. On the phone, teacher did not tell what did the grandma said to DS. But this morning wen I brought DS to school , another teacher told me the grandma repeatedly screamed at my son \"DON U EVER BEAT MY GRANDDAUGHTER AGAIN\"!!!! The form teacher told me the situation was sort of out of control yesterday and she apologized and apologized to the grandma.... Being an experienced teacher, she tried to explained to the grandma things happened too fast that's why she couldnt stop the hitting in time....wen the teacher tried to exained the grandmother accused the teacher fir siding DS....but to the teacher, she treat all the children the same and I knew it for I can see her love for all her students.

I felt bad, very bad and I admitted wat DS did was wrong. Hitting pple is definitely wrong - even if your were to defend yourself.

I tOld the teacher that I would like to apologize to the parents if they do not want let the matter rest.I am willing to talk to them face to face. The teacher juz told me she will see if the parents/ grandma have anything to say again the following day. As far as this is concern, she dun wish to see parents in conflicts due to this issue. It is her resposibilty and due to her 1sec negligence + DS misbehavior. + hidden reason (Eg toy snatching ..?) that coz all these to happen.

Teacher adv me to have a talk with DS which I did.

Sigh.... I prayed that my 38mth old DS will be more tamed a d mature

Try to get a copy of Hands Are Not for Hitting (Board Book) and read to your child every few days. I have read the book over and over. Seems to work for my child.

http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Board-Book-Behavior/dp/157542200X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299221799&sr=8-1

[cherrygal]

I don’t know why but when parents of bullies are told their kids hit or bit others, these parents don’t even apologize. They just keep saying they are just kids, or they didn’t tell their kids to hit or bite. How do you get the message across to these parents? Worse, the parents even get defensive when approached.


I think the most basic courtesy for such parents is to quickly apologize and promise to teach their kids properly. If parents condone bad behaviour just because they think kids are kids, then their kids will never learn.

Bad parents = bad kids…

[Fat Mama]

There is a girl in DD's class whose mother is a teacher in the same school n bcos of that, she is very super bossy n proud. All the classmates dislike her but are afraid of her n had to give her face bcos of her mother.


Last yr, DD P4 was in the same project group as her and DD was slapped on her face bcos DD disagreed with her on some points regarding the project. DD din inform the FT as FT lessons were over. After the last lesson, the bossy girl passed a sorry note to DD but DD didnt want to accept and returned the note to her. DD told me if she accepted it meant she forgive her.

After school, DD told me the incident and I called the FT immediately. FT was very surprised and could not believe that the girl who is the MONITORESS and STUDENT LEADER slapped my DD. I told FT to investigate the matter.

The next day, FT called me and said that the bossy girl admitted slapping DD but very lightly only. I requested FT to remove her from being a monitoress and she was strip of her duties. Later bossy girl's mum called to apologise and said she knows her DD very bossy and not many ppl like her.

I tot that was the end of the episode. BUT....

After 2 days, bossy girl told DD's friend \"DD's mum (tats me she was referring to) is not fit to be her mother\". :x :x
DD's friend told DD about the comment. When I fuming when I heard it. I called the FT and told her about the comments and my intention of bringing up the matter to the discipline mistress.

After a while, bossy's mum who is a teacher in the same school called me n apologise n apologise asking me not to blow up the matter. In the background I could hear bossy girl crying very loudly n bossy girl apologise to me as well.

After the showdown, bossy girl stayed away from DD becos she is scared of DD's fierce mum.

DD learnt a precious lesson to be firm n speak up for herself.

[Allanice]

Oopsgal,

Thks for the recommendation. Will definitely try and source the book as well as read more of theses related books to DS

cherrygal
Ya, some parents will be defensive wen all the fingers were pointed at them . However, but to say that bad Parents= bad kids can be hurtful because it may not be true for all cases.

I did my best to educate DS him that beating is wrong. DS is bit slow in his social skill, which I thk there mz be many cobrtibuting factors to it. He stl could not handle his emotion well. He was born on the last day of the yr and I hope as yrs pass, he will be able to catch up with rest of his peers, in everyways.

I do not experience this kinda problem with my elder dau .Their character is so different. Every child is diff and I may need extra effort and patience on my DS . gambateh!

[MisuloSG]

Chimmy,


Wow, after reading what you said, I think schools should step up their bully awareness programs. Because if they treat such matters as trivialities, it will do both parties (the bullied and the bullies) no good in the long run. What the english teacher did to your son was not helpful in the least bit.

[Chimmy]

Chenonceau and Misulo,


Thank you for replying. It is good to hear from other mums and learning from one another.
It is indeed a challenge raising boys to be tough and yet kind and compassionate; being able to fit in and yet, having the courage to stand up against what is wrong.
Violence only begets violence. It is sad that schools should preach resolving conflict in a civilized way and yet allow a culture that encourages violence. Mums, how do we want to raise our sons? Do we want them to hit back? Is this the only way to prove a boy’s manliness? I have always told my sons to exercise restraint, that all form of violence is not right unless it is in self-defense. I definitely do not want my sons to be in a school that supports a hidden culture of violence.

[smurf]

Anyone has any advice for this?


My boy p1 is taking sch bus to sch, and in the bus, there is also p2 students. And one of the p2 often makes fun of my boy, and some other boys p1 as well. He often called these p1 students nasty words such as shit, stupid, fatty boom boom, even called them gals. Is there any way I can help to stop all these nonsenses? I dun really want to confront the boy as Im not sure if it’s a misunderstanding, but from what my boy said it happened very often. When the p1 boys told him to stop it, he still continue.

[Chenonceau]

smurf:

Anyone has any advice for this?


My boy p1 is taking sch bus to sch, and in the bus, there is also p2 students. And one of the p2 often makes fun of my boy, and some other boys p1 as well. He often called these p1 students nasty words such as shit, stupid, fatty boom boom, even called them gals. Is there any way I can help to stop all these nonsenses? I dun really want to confront the boy as Im not sure if it's a misunderstanding, but from what my boy said it happened very often. When the p1 boys told him to stop it, he still continue.

Happened to my boy. He came home and asked me for permission to punch the guy. I said \"No\" because I didn't want him to resort to violence as a first solution. He then came up with another idea... sit in one corner and pretend to fall asleep. Very soon, it became a real nap. He heard nothing and after a while, the name calling stopped and he became quite good friends with the other fellow. Even got invited to b'day party.

Best way to conquer an enemy is to make him your friend.

Another technique we figured out together was to jokingly tease back. Have some fun making up names to call each other and giggle everytime you come up with a particularly creative one. After a while, his school bus became a rip-roaring bunch of back thumping drunkards.

[smurf]

Good idea. That's what my boy did also. He said he asked that bully to stop and when he didn't, he said he looked out of the bus window. I asked him why he did that, he said he just want some peace. :?


I dunno lah, now he complained to me, then when I ask him totell that boy off, he said he want some peace...dun understand.

[Chenonceau]

smurf:

Good idea. That's what my boy did also. He said he asked that bully to stop and when he didn't, he said he looked out of the bus window. I asked him why he did that, he said he just want some peace. :?


I dunno lah, now he complained to me, then when I ask him totell that boy off, he said he want some peace...dun understand.

Yah lor... kids... they fight they cry and complain and then after that happy again. :?