In-law problems?

[CuriousDaddy]

and best is i do get to enjoy home cook food with her around...


me & wife busy with work, so really enjoy blessed to have her cooking for us... :celebrate:

[BeContented]

Hi CuriousDaddy,

that's because generally, MIL's expectation of Son-IL is very different from DIL.
Generally most mothers will 心痛 /feel for own daughter and willingly help to relief the daughter of some chores. On the other hand, tradtional mothers who have been doing EVERYTHING for the son expects the DIL to come home and still do the chores and take care (short of using the word 'serve') of their son. They see the domestic chores and kids as the JOB of the woman whether they work or not.

My DH knew that & he willingly mops the floor and do some chores so that I do not get :rant: by MIL. But of course, MIL not too happy but won't say much if the son is firm enough.

You are lucky that the MIL helps. Some may not.....

[janet88]

cwc:

Hi CuriousDaddy,

that's because generally, MIL's expectation of Son-IL is very different from DIL.
Generally most mothers will 心痛 /feel for own daughter and willingly help to relief the daughter of some chores. On the other hand, tradtional mothers who have been doing EVERYTHING for the son expects the DIL to come home and still do the chores and take care (short of using the word 'serve') of their son. They see the domestic chores and kids as the JOB of the woman whether they work or not.

My DH knew that & he willingly mops the floor and do some chores so that I do not get :rant: by MIL. But of course, MIL not too happy but won't say much if the son is firm enough.

True, well-said :celebrate:
My mum treats my hubby like her son.
MILs however, want their daughters-in-law to work so that their precious sons won't be so 辛苦 supporting family by himself. After work, still do chores and attend to kids and preferably serve the husband as well. Oh yes, don't think of getting maid bcos they will say they didn't have maids back then.

[Mrs Ang]

janet_lee88:

True, well-said :celebrate:

My mum treats my hubby like her son.
MILs however, want their daughters-in-law to work so that their precious sons won't be so 辛苦 supporting family by himself. After work, still do chores and attend to kids and preferably serve the husband as well. Oh yes, don't think of getting maid bcos they will say they didn't have maids back then.

But they didn't have so much work stresses back then too!

[BeContented]

Curious.....anyone has problem with FIL?


Hubby is telling me that I need to learn to handle. But I find it very unfair. :mad: :rant:
FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage. Recently, he has been displaying inappropriate behaviour such as walking out of toilet with pants down and playing with his stuff. I read up and these are some of the symptoms with dementia patients.......
While my DD has yet to witness any (and I dun want to subject my kids to it), I personally am VERY upset despite all the reading & the maid is a little too. No doubt the maid has been pre-empt and told about his condition and the job requirement is to take care of FIL, think it's still quite upsetting for any woman, isn't it?

Anyone has experience? How do you deal with it? How do we train the maid?
Personally, I feel like sending FIL to nursing home, I can't deal with it......

[Jennifer]

cwc:

Curious.....anyone has problem with FIL?


Hubby is telling me that I need to learn to handle. But I find it very unfair. :mad: :rant:
FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage. Recently, he has been displaying inappropriate behaviour such as walking out of toilet with pants down and playing with his stuff. I read up and these are some of the symptoms with dementia patients.......
While my DD has yet to witness any (and I dun want to subject my kids to it), I personally am VERY upset despite all the reading & the maid is a little too. No doubt the maid has been pre-empt and told about his condition and the job requirement is to take care of FIL, think it's still quite upsetting for any woman, isn't it?

Anyone has experience? How do you deal with it? How do we train the maid?
Personally, I feel like sending FIL to nursing home, I can't deal with it......

This is so like the TCS drama with Chen Liping n Zhu HouRen. I wld insist the old man to be sent to a nursing home. Really too much to handle liao. I wld also fear for the safety of everyone at home. Who knows if the old man wld play with fire n burn down the hse or do sth else dangerous. Please continue to reason with your hubby.

[poppy15]

cwc:

FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage.

has he display any child-like signs? if yes, then maybe can trick him by saying cannot take \"that\" out else will be bitten by mozzies, etc

[BeContented]

poppy15:

cwc:

FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage.

has he display any child-like signs? if yes, then maybe can trick him by saying cannot take \"that\" out else will be bitten by mozzies, etc

Child-like in food aspect, but in other areas seems quite normal. Sometimes, I'm very confused, I feel that he is still very aware of things but DH insist he's :siao: liao. FIL dementia medication seems quite heavy too. He does not socialise or talk much, so sometime hard to know what's he's thinking. Got DH to speak to him just now, FIL denied and then simply ignore and refused to ack anyone, sometimes I really feel like slapping him :mad:
Dun think the trick part can work yet.

[BeContented]

Jennifer:

cwc:

Curious.....anyone has problem with FIL?


Hubby is telling me that I need to learn to handle. But I find it very unfair. :mad: :rant:
FIL has dementia and I think he has slowly reached the next stage. Recently, he has been displaying inappropriate behaviour such as walking out of toilet with pants down and playing with his stuff. I read up and these are some of the symptoms with dementia patients.......
While my DD has yet to witness any (and I dun want to subject my kids to it), I personally am VERY upset despite all the reading & the maid is a little too. No doubt the maid has been pre-empt and told about his condition and the job requirement is to take care of FIL, think it's still quite upsetting for any woman, isn't it?

Anyone has experience? How do you deal with it? How do we train the maid?
Personally, I feel like sending FIL to nursing home, I can't deal with it......

This is so like the TCS drama with Chen Liping n Zhu HouRen. I wld insist the old man to be sent to a nursing home. Really too much to handle liao. I wld also fear for the safety of everyone at home. Who knows if the old man wld play with fire n burn down the hse or do sth else dangerous. Please continue to reason with your hubby.

When FIL first started undressing at the main gate, that was my first thot - Zhu HouRen. BUT I'm no Chen LiPing. We have already hired a maid to look after him, probably the house is safe....but if his behaviour wosen, the maid may not want to continue to work for us. I have given in once by agreeing to getting a maid instead of sending to nursing home, if even maid option still dun work, I think there's no other choice left, he has to go nursing home. Eldercare has kicked him out, he can't go anywhere already.

[LOLMum]

i understand your frustrations and mine seems so easy because of lots of helping hands. but there were lots of tears and anger along the way for all of us especially those living with the patient.


my mum had the same illness. it was very hard on my dad and my two sisters who were living with her. maid had to take care of handicapped sister too.

she cant control her actions but they couldnt bear the thought of putting her in nursing home. luckily dad was unable to sleep most nites so he was like the nite watchman because mum liked to wander round the house at nite. the rest of us (including sils) visited them often so that they had a break.

she was bedridden eventually and was in and out of hospital because of bedsores and other complications. but dad and sister always took her home. we had to put her under professional care eventually because of her medical conditions. i remembered my dad crying at home pretty often.

even at the nursing home (not easy to get admitted because of lack of beds), we had to clean her ourselves. my sils and sis bathed her, changed the bedsheets and when she had fever, some1 stayed there to look after her. you cant just send the patient to nursing care and just visit her once a week. it is very stressful for patient because of his dimishing memory he would be very upset not to see a familiar face or place at times.

we always thought she would go first but it was dad (had a fall) and she went too just a few days after him. :sad: but they are in a better place now.

it is not easy looking after an able person with such illness especially if is a he. it will take a lot of time, effort and tears.

if really cant, then talk to dh and his family to seek a solution.

all the best.