A mother's letter to her daughter...

[sashimi]

daisyt, I make it a point to tell my daughter’s teachers, all of them that I talk to, that I disagree with the stupid "hands off" policy from MOE, and that they are free to do whatever they need to keep her in line (which is not really a problem, but still).


Fellow parents, we must work harder to teach our kids that they can’t get away with this outrageous "hit me and it’s abuse" idea that has evolved over recent years. If this goes on, it will be chaos!

[Busymom]

AnalectsReader:

Busymom:

Think the title of this thread not right. It's a letter to her daughter...

err... the title u mean this one?孩子的心是敏感,柔软的...请小心处理...
It's my original title :oops:

ChiefKiasu:

Original Title: Well know secret: ChiefKiasu knows little Chinese :oops:

Actually ChiefKiasu was using this title: A Mother's Letter To Her Son. He didn't know you meant it for your daughter :lol:

[daisyt]

Exactly sashimi ! Although I am the type of parent who never believe in canning and beating but this concept of "slap = abuse" is not right. I told her, I was wrong but her attitute also not correct too.


I seriously must have another talk with her.

[daisyt]

sashimi:

Fellow parents, we must work harder to teach our kids that they can't get away with this outrageous \"hit me and it's abuse\" idea that has evolved over recent years. If this goes on, it will be chaos!

How ? She is alrdy 13yo. :?

[Fluffy]

I am one of the parents who sometimes lost her cool with my children. Lately, has been upset with my P5 daughter who seems to become more temperamental and rude. She used to be very sweet, obedient and polite. Just want to know if any parents out there have similar age child who seems to change their behaviour drastically over a few months. Some said its because she is undergoing puberty and hormonal changes. Please help! Should I leave her alone for awhile or should I do something about it? Have tried talking to her but didn’t help much.

[jedamum]

Fluffy:

Some said its because she is undergoing puberty and hormonal changes. Please help! Should I leave her alone for awhile or should I do something about it? Have tried talking to her but didn't help much.

Fluffy,
I think this 2 threads should be useful to you.
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2915&start=0
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3651
mods, you may want to consider merging the above 2 topics with Fluffy's query. TQ

[Fluffy]

jedamum:

Fluffy:

Some said its because she is undergoing puberty and hormonal changes. Please help! Should I leave her alone for awhile or should I do something about it? Have tried talking to her but didn't help much.

Fluffy,
I think this 2 threads should be useful to you.
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2915&start=0
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3651
mods, you may want to consider merging the above 2 topics with Fluffy's query. TQ

Thank you very much Jedamum. Looks like I am not alone and I am learning how to handle from those valuable experiences. I think I have to be extra patient and understanding but yet be firmed with her. I must spend more 1 to 1 leisure time with her instead of nagging her on her work and lecturing on her behaviour all the time. One thing for sure, my husband feels its important to be in All girls sec sch as this will delay any bgr problems. Initially, I thought its rubbish as I did not have such problem when I was in a Co-ed sec sch but perhaps now understand better after hearing from friends whose children in Sec 1 co-ed and already having bgr issues.

[daisyt]

After cooling down, I had a talk with my girl, she knew her mistakes and I also aware of my wrong. Eventually, the most important is to draw out a limit and both of us are aware of each other’s limit.

[pandan]

Hi Fluffy,


Its not true that co-ed schools students have more bgr issues. My son is a Sec 1 all boys school student and he is having a girlfriend now. The girl kept asking him to go out for lunch and outing. She also calls every night for at least one hour. I tried to reason with him but he insists that he is matured enough to handle relationship. I am pretty upset at times.

[sashimi]

daisyt:

sashimi:

Fellow parents, we must work harder to teach our kids that they can't get away with this outrageous \"hit me and it's abuse\" idea that has evolved over recent years. If this goes on, it will be chaos!

How ? She is alrdy 13yo. :?

I confess - I don't know. My oldest only daughter is 7 years old. I will not dare to say I have any true experience dealing with a teen.

It took me the better part of this 7 years to come to the conclusion that the Western concept of discipline via reasoning/hands-off/respect can go too far. A parent, in principle, has wisdom and experience far far ahead of a small child. One CANNOT respect all of child's wishes. That can lead to serious problems later on.

It's not that I beat my daughter - in all her life I think I've only hit her once, and that was when I was really really pissed and I lost control.

Beginning this year, I have begun scaling down the \"reasoning\" bit. When I discipline or order my daughter to do something, I tend to command more and request less. Reasons given once, and no further argument.

I find it ridiculous for a 7-year-old to have extended \"discussions\" with a parent on why she should do this or that. This should not be allowed. If it is allowed, the child will grow up thinking that she can argue and reason her way out of anything. That includes the \"hit me and I can sue you\" idea. She is giving you pause to reason the cost of the hit.

My purpose is not to create conflict or cause a rift in our relationship. I do this only because I'm confident my daughter still loves me. Although I can't say how it'll be like when she reaches her rebellious teens. I'd rather she get used to discipline now than turn into some of the horribly undisciplinable teens (AND ADULTS) that I see from time to time.