In-law problems?

[janet88]

annamom:

Am I being petty? Yes, maybe, I don't know. There are just too many incidents and I feel that if I don't get it out from my chest, I will feel so suffocated.


Another big upset was when I gave birth to DS3 and due to complication, he was delivered via emergency c-section. So I was operated and baby was delivered, nothing big deal I know and so when I needed to get up the next day after the op to go to the toilet, MIL has to comment that \" You are such a Big Baby.\" when hubby was bringing me to the toilet. I was like?????What have I done?><

I know she is jealous of my relationship with my hubby and so I do not interfere and if hubby wants to bring her on holidays I am fine too just as long as I don't need to go.

I am not a spendthrift and I only have 2 pair of shoes and a few handbags (only a few are branded and they were gifts from friends, sister or hubby) I definitely do not spend money unwisely and I will think very hard before I sign on the credit card especially if the purchase is an LV bag which was what my MIL did on my hubby's supplemtary card. ok S$1,300/- is not expensive and I have no right to be upset cause her son's money, right? So why must she be bothered at how I spend my own money?

Thanks for this thread, just letting out steam.

No worries. Understand your frustration.
Your MIL really cool...bought a LV on son's account. To her, she finds that she has the right as the mother. So the logic is the mother can spend son's money but not the wife...btw, I will never go on a holiday with hubby's mother. NO WAY. It will be more stressful having to face her all the time during the trip.

[kids_r_innocent]

ectanz:

Yr SIL's plight was exactly same as my gf previously (same person mentioned in my last post). After she gave birth to her first child, her MIL volunteered to help her during confinement period. She was nearly on the edge of depression. Her MIL forbade her hb to enter her room due to superstition act. She said very 到霉 for her son to sleep or enter the room during confinement period. My poor gf hv to take care of the baby herself and at the same time recuperating from her C-section. Her hb was also very soft type, dare not to defy her mum.

Hmm... So that MIL may have an ulterior motive for volunteering to \"help\" out during the confinement.

Haiz... I always believe that one muz never do bad to anyone or else u will suffer from ur misdeeds.

[annamom]

Thanks janet_lee88 for your reply.


Yesterday was a Sunday and this time of the week is especially torturing for me. I don’t see her during the week so I am fine. I guess I am very lucky as compared to those who has to live with unreasonable MIL. I really am thankful for that.

A friend told me that talk is cheap and I am trying to learn not to be too affected by what she says.

[Sun_2010]

annamom:

Thanks janet_lee88 for your reply.


Yesterday was a Sunday and this time of the week is especially torturing for me. I don't see her during the week so I am fine. I guess I am very lucky as compared to those who has to live with unreasonable MIL. I really am thankful for that.

A friend told me that talk is cheap and I am trying to learn not to be too affected by what she says.

annamom, :snuggles:

your friend is right.

If you can understand that a MIL's words stem from their insecurity, from a desire to show they are in control, it helps. Remember its the thought that counts- the thinking behind each barb from MIL , focus on that and things fall into place.

Mind you, I am not advocating to take things lying down. Remember you have to take care of yourself , but choose your battles - ones that matter and that cross the line. The petty ones , dust off.

Scroll back a few pages to see some advise from Chenonceau. At the end of the day MIL is part of the family. If you dont handle with care and strategy , people ( incl you ) will get hurt.

Many of us are wounded that way.

Of course its easy to advise and difficult to follow, but we try and do the best we can.

:hugs:

[annamom]

Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.


Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.

I don’t fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don’t think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.

Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week’s time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.

[Chenonceau]

annamom:

Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.


Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.

I don't fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don't think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.

Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week's time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.

Hi Annamom, here are the links to my posts...

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=579480#p579480

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=577224#p577224

Hope they help!!

[Sun_2010]

Chenonceau:

annamom:

Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.


Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.

I don't fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don't think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.

Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week's time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.

Hi Annamom, here are the links to my posts...

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=579480#p579480

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=577224#p577224

Hope they help!!

Hi Chen,
BUT Where were you when I needed this advice the most???
Oh, forgot - you were waging your own war. :salute:
This is problem solving at its best , if ya ask me

Seriously, I benefit from this post- It makes me pause and choose my battles even in other relationship.
:hugs:

So a big :thankyou: - albeit its delayed.

[Chenonceau]

Sun_2010:

Chenonceau:

[quote=\"annamom\"]Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.


Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.

I don't fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don't think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.

Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week's time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.

Hi Annamom, here are the links to my posts...

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=579480#p579480

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=577224#p577224

Hope they help!!

Hi Chen,
BUT Where were you when I needed this advice the most???
Oh, forgot - you were waging your own war. :salute:
This is problem solving at its best , if ya ask me

Seriously, I benefit from this post- It makes me pause and choose my battles even in other relationship.
:hugs:

So a big :thankyou: - albeit its delayed.[/quote]Kekekekekeke! Arise DIL of the world! And conquer with gentleness...

[racoon12]

Dear all the ELDERs....

me again wanted to get advise, am trying to do my part as a good DIL but my action is overlook by my MIL as a scheming part. She give me a black facie whenever i greet her (well, try to act like 'doesnt matter for me....') but the part which i cant bear is she is trying to overrule me decision on my kids... which i can not stand.

What should i do? Argument No...No... but for me to hold my horse firm is 'very' difficult...

[Chenonceau]

racoon12:

Dear all the ELDERs....

me again wanted to get advise, am trying to do my part as a good DIL but my action is overlook by my MIL as a scheming part. She give me a black facie whenever i greet her (well, try to act like 'doesnt matter for me....') but the part which i cant bear is she is trying to overrule me decision on my kids... which i can not stand.

What should i do? Argument No...No... but for me to hold my horse firm is 'very' difficult...

You need to control yourself. Keep on greeting her and being nice. Your husband must see you as the \"wronged one\", not her. I had to put up with 2 years of her over-ruling me before I succeeded in gaining enough trust from my husband to get her out of my house. Then, when I got to do things with my kids MY WAY, I turned in results... DD went from bottom 25% to top 5%. After that, my husband agreed with everything I wanted vis-a-vis the kids.

It's competition. So you gotta BE BETTER. I've never looked away from competition.