In-law problems?

[auntieM]

janet_lee88:

Hi ectanz,

Some men are so damn scared of their mothers. For goodness sake, that is his wife and child, how can your gf's hubby leave her and newborn alone? What century are we living in?

It's bcos these sons allow the mothers to be empress dowager and as such their wives suffer. I am not asking the sons to be rude but have common sense by loving their wives and children...not live by some stupid superstition.

Men like this should not get married.. ..
Then they can devote all their attention to pleasing their mothers.. :roll:

[janet88]

auntieM:

janet_lee88:

I am not asking the sons to be rude but have common sense by loving their wives and children...not live by some stupid superstition.

Men like this should not get married.. ..
Then they can devote all their attention to pleasing their mothers.. :roll:

Precisely...mummy's boy.

[annamom]

My MIL is a very likable lady (or so she claims) and she has many friends (or so she claims). However, I cannot understand why she doesn’t have any kind words to say to me when she is always full of praises for others. (behind their back she will say things differently)


I dread Sundays, as it is MIL time. In order to avoid her, I went to the hair salon to get my hair tidied up since the last time I visited was after my little girl was born which was 2+ years back.

Came back home and to my dismay, MIL was still around. Said hello and tried to avoid her as not knowing what’s coming up next .

MIL started talking:" How come my hair cannot perm until like yours so pretty?"
My heart was like thinking:" Finally!Something nice coming out from her mouth."
It is not to be ,as shortly, another sentence flowed:" I know why, because I will not spend so much money." My heart sunk because I knew then that she had nothing nice to say to me because I did not even tell her how much I paid for the perm.

Am I being petty? Yes, maybe, I don’t know. There are just too many incidents and I feel that if I don’t get it out from my chest, I will feel so suffocated.

Another big upset was when I gave birth to DS3 and due to complication, he was delivered via emergency c-section. So I was operated and baby was delivered, nothing big deal I know and so when I needed to get up the next day after the op to go to the toilet, MIL has to comment that " You are such a Big Baby." when hubby was bringing me to the toilet. I was like???What have I done?><

I know she is jealous of my relationship with my hubby and so I do not interfere and if hubby wants to bring her on holidays I am fine too just as long as I don’t need to go.

Many years back I went on holidays with her and it was like a competition.
"Who can find the cheapest hair clip around!"
or "Let’s see what you have bought!"
I told my hubby, holidays are not meant to be stressful. If I have to keep on tracking prices on these little items (incident was that I bought a hairclip for S$4,50 and my MIL asked me how much I paid for it. She went to buy a similar clip and bargained S$0.50 off and came back bragging telling me I had paid more for my wares,)or having MIL opening my shopping bag (like what it meant, in the hotel room, she opened up my shopping bag and see what stuff I bought), I rather just stay home.

I am not a spendthrift and I only have 2 pair of shoes and a few handbags (only a few are branded and they were gifts from friends, sister or hubby) I definitely do not spend money unwisely and I will think very hard before I sign on the credit card especially if the purchase is an LV bag which was what my MIL did on my hubby’s supplemtary card. ok S$1,300/- is not expensive and I have no right to be upset cause her son’s money, right? So why must she be bothered at how I spend my own money?

Thanks for this thread, just letting out steam.

[janet88]

annamom:

Am I being petty? Yes, maybe, I don't know. There are just too many incidents and I feel that if I don't get it out from my chest, I will feel so suffocated.


Another big upset was when I gave birth to DS3 and due to complication, he was delivered via emergency c-section. So I was operated and baby was delivered, nothing big deal I know and so when I needed to get up the next day after the op to go to the toilet, MIL has to comment that \" You are such a Big Baby.\" when hubby was bringing me to the toilet. I was like?????What have I done?><

I know she is jealous of my relationship with my hubby and so I do not interfere and if hubby wants to bring her on holidays I am fine too just as long as I don't need to go.

I am not a spendthrift and I only have 2 pair of shoes and a few handbags (only a few are branded and they were gifts from friends, sister or hubby) I definitely do not spend money unwisely and I will think very hard before I sign on the credit card especially if the purchase is an LV bag which was what my MIL did on my hubby's supplemtary card. ok S$1,300/- is not expensive and I have no right to be upset cause her son's money, right? So why must she be bothered at how I spend my own money?

Thanks for this thread, just letting out steam.

No worries. Understand your frustration.
Your MIL really cool...bought a LV on son's account. To her, she finds that she has the right as the mother. So the logic is the mother can spend son's money but not the wife...btw, I will never go on a holiday with hubby's mother. NO WAY. It will be more stressful having to face her all the time during the trip.

[kids_r_innocent]

ectanz:

Yr SIL's plight was exactly same as my gf previously (same person mentioned in my last post). After she gave birth to her first child, her MIL volunteered to help her during confinement period. She was nearly on the edge of depression. Her MIL forbade her hb to enter her room due to superstition act. She said very 到霉 for her son to sleep or enter the room during confinement period. My poor gf hv to take care of the baby herself and at the same time recuperating from her C-section. Her hb was also very soft type, dare not to defy her mum.

Hmm... So that MIL may have an ulterior motive for volunteering to \"help\" out during the confinement.

Haiz... I always believe that one muz never do bad to anyone or else u will suffer from ur misdeeds.

[annamom]

Thanks janet_lee88 for your reply.


Yesterday was a Sunday and this time of the week is especially torturing for me. I don’t see her during the week so I am fine. I guess I am very lucky as compared to those who has to live with unreasonable MIL. I really am thankful for that.

A friend told me that talk is cheap and I am trying to learn not to be too affected by what she says.

[Sun_2010]

annamom:

Thanks janet_lee88 for your reply.


Yesterday was a Sunday and this time of the week is especially torturing for me. I don't see her during the week so I am fine. I guess I am very lucky as compared to those who has to live with unreasonable MIL. I really am thankful for that.

A friend told me that talk is cheap and I am trying to learn not to be too affected by what she says.

annamom, :snuggles:

your friend is right.

If you can understand that a MIL's words stem from their insecurity, from a desire to show they are in control, it helps. Remember its the thought that counts- the thinking behind each barb from MIL , focus on that and things fall into place.

Mind you, I am not advocating to take things lying down. Remember you have to take care of yourself , but choose your battles - ones that matter and that cross the line. The petty ones , dust off.

Scroll back a few pages to see some advise from Chenonceau. At the end of the day MIL is part of the family. If you dont handle with care and strategy , people ( incl you ) will get hurt.

Many of us are wounded that way.

Of course its easy to advise and difficult to follow, but we try and do the best we can.

:hugs:

[annamom]

Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.


Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.

I don’t fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don’t think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.

Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week’s time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.

[Chenonceau]

annamom:

Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.


Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.

I don't fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don't think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.

Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week's time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.

Hi Annamom, here are the links to my posts...

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=579480#p579480

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=577224#p577224

Hope they help!!

[Sun_2010]

Chenonceau:

annamom:

Thanks Sun_2010, you have brighten my day already.


Have spent some time climbing this thread and am still at 30+ page. Ok will go look for the advise given by Chenonceau.

I don't fight with my MIL, I just keep my mouth shut, take deep breaths and get 内伤.
Don't think that is working as MIL is all geared up every Sunday ready for battle.

Both hubby and MIL are going for a holiday together in a week's time for 10days. At least 2 Sundays of peace. Really appreciate this break.

Hi Annamom, here are the links to my posts...

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=579480#p579480

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=577224#p577224

Hope they help!!

Hi Chen,
BUT Where were you when I needed this advice the most???
Oh, forgot - you were waging your own war. :salute:
This is problem solving at its best , if ya ask me

Seriously, I benefit from this post- It makes me pause and choose my battles even in other relationship.
:hugs:

So a big :thankyou: - albeit its delayed.