Raising Resilient Children

[Pen88n]

DD previous childcare used to run enrichment classes for the kids and there are male external teachers teaching computers and arts. I am comfortable with that as the childcare environment is very "open" - small set-up, no hidden corners, all within one level, etc.

[Nebbermind]

Only when my girl started P1 then I realised how manipulative some kids can be, coz my boy will not tell me what is going on in class.


But I also realised that I shd not take everything from my girl at face value. Things that she related to me can be skewed to what she chose to see and how she wld interprete thereafter. :oops:

[markfch]

Nebbermind:

Only when my girl started P1 then I realised how manipulative some kids can be, coz my boy will not tell me what is going on in class.


But I also realised that I shd not take everything from my girl at face value. Things that she related to me can be skewed to what she chose to see and how she wld interprete thereafter. :oops:

True lah. I also discount 50% of what ds tells me, knowing that he's such a sensitive fellow. Sometimes he tells me that so-and-so bullies him. I asked him how? His reply was that so-and-so doesn't want to play catching with him. Liddat also considered as bullying?

Only when I notice unusual behaviour over extended period of time, would I take a closer look.

Edit: Thanks for all the warning on allowing ds to go public toilets unaccompanied. Looks like we've riding our luck the last 3 years. I'll take note the next time.

[Chenonceau]

I too am super kiasu about potential molesters. I make sure my kids know that NOBODY is to touch their ahems or remove their underwear without permission from ME. Neither DS nor DD are allowed into public toilets without escort. I used to have a subordinate who was raped at 10. My friend’s maid took her 2nd son’s penis in her mouth!! These are events that happened to people close to me. So I am paranoid.


As for taking what kids say with a pinch of salt, here’s my view. One can be slow to intervene… but one should never make the child feel that he/she is disbelieved. I figure that I am the ONLY person my kids can really talk to and I want them to keep talking to me. I let them know that I believe everything they say.

To date, I have actively intervened only once in a case of bullying. Even when the bully pushed my son up against the wall and threatened to kick him in the groin, I did not complain to Teacher. I only went to Teacher when the bully took my son’s textbook, rubbed off my son’s name and wrote his own. There was clear evidence of a crime in the form of rubbed off markings on a book.

I am free with advice and a listening ear. I coach and support my kids through their personal hell. I may offer resources such as caterpillars to indirectly bolster my child’s social networks but I personally don’t directly intervene unless it is a clear cut case. However, I also never make my kids feel that it is because I don’t trust them. I just tell them that the time is not right for Mommy to say something… and when the time is right, Mommy will know exactly to say. If you wait long enough, the kids figure it out and no confrontation need take place.

[prata_queen]

Thanks Chen for sharing your thoughts.


Where the children are concerned, I always err on the side of caution. All strangers (man especially) are assumed bad. By that, I mean that I do not allow them near my children without either me or dh being around. In practice, this means that I will not select a CC with a male teacher, she has no weekend enrichment classes yet, but if she starts on one, the teacher will need to be a lady, UNLESS the class allows parents to accompany the child, then I am ok to have a male teacher. She does not pop over to neighbour’s house unaccompanied, nor do we leave her at friends’ house (birthday parties etc) even for a short while. We have no maid, just me and dh, with the occasional help of my mum and MIL. So other than her 7am-7pm at CC, dh and I are the ones taking care of her and my #2.

[Funz]

prata_queen:

Thanks Chen for sharing your thoughts.


Where the children are concerned, I always err on the side of caution. All strangers (man especially) are assumed bad. By that, I mean that I do not allow them near my children without either me or dh being around. In practice, this means that I will not select a CC with a male teacher, she has no weekend enrichment classes yet, but if she starts on one, the teacher will need to be a lady, UNLESS the class allows parents to accompany the child, then I am ok to have a male teacher. She does not pop over to neighbour’s house unaccompanied, nor do we leave her at friends’ house (birthday parties etc) even for a short while. We have no maid, just me and dh, with the occasional help of my mum and MIL. So other than her 7am-7pm at CC, dh and I are the ones taking care of her and my #2.

Then when she goes to primary school?

[prata_queen]

Either my mum would have retired in 3 years time (unlikely cos she loves her work), or I find a reliable basc, or my plan to be a sahm will kick-in.

[Funz]

prata_queen:

Either my mum would have retired in 3 years time (unlikely cos she loves her work), or I find a reliable basc, or my plan to be a sahm will kick-in.

Heheh. Sorry, my question not very clear.

What I meant to ask was, if you have this aversion to male teacher/staff then when come time for your DD to go to primary school how? In childcare or preschool the staff are predominantly female but in primary schools, there are many male teachers.

[prata_queen]

Funz, no worries haha.


Well, I would think a 7yo would be more aware of the ‘dangers’ of the male species than a 4yo. Anywayz, my alma mater is an all girls convent school. 20 years ago, we only had 1 male teacher amongst the entire school of girls and lady teachers.

[prata_queen]

We seem to have 2 camps replying to the original topic vs my post on male teachers. Sorry markfch for ‘hijacking’ your thread!